Sorry, it's a command and not optional. Since, it's that tough, we need to go to the Lord and ask out of our spiritual poverty.
The command to respect the husband is also not optional and just as difficult for the women. They have to go to God and ask for it, humbly, as well.
The Good news is that God hears these prayers said in His name and by faith and very frequently grants them.
saying it is a command doesn’t answer the question about how many men do you know fulfilling that command?