I hate to complain, but that’s my experience. My wife constantly complains that housework is too hard and that she can’t keep up with it and that I don’t understand. She offers to switch for a day so I can see how hard it is. I work M-F, but also take care of house maintenance, yard work, and cars. I suppose I have to keep house, too.
I come home to a mess every evening and rarely do I have a meal. Her friends tell her its unreasonable for me to expect that. We have 2 children, both out of diapers and pretty independent.
She always says, “I’m sorry the house is such a mess. I just couldn’t get it all done today. We just got home. I took the girls to the pool, then we went to McDonalds, then we went to my friends house so the kids could play. We got talking and I lost track of time.”
I’m a neat person and I’m at wits end as to what to do.
“She always says, “I’m sorry the house is such a mess. I just couldn’t get it all done today. We just got home. I took the girls to the pool, then we went to McDonalds, then we went to my friends house so the kids could play. We got talking and I lost track of time.”
I’m a neat person and I’m at wits end as to what to do.”
Sorry that you are at wit’s end. Reading your post made me conclude:
She couldn’t get it all done because SHE DIDN’T WANT TO GET IT ALL DONE. Too busy having fun. Pool vs taking care of things. She went to her friends house so SHE COULD PLAY
WITH HER FRIEND.
As a working mom of two (both now wonderful young adults), I taught them that we don’t play until the necessary family jobs get done. They learned to help so we could have fun.
Children have to learn that family chores are important. It’ll help them learn to manage their lives as they get older.
I know it’s hard but it’s time to have a long talk. Look to her upbringing...did her mom do everything for her so she
never learned to manage her chores?
good luck
Not trying to excuse your wife, because I don’t know the entire story. Just sharing my situation. Hubby got laid off last fall, now pretty much retired. First time he’s ever not worked in his life. He has commented on how easy it is for the day to get away from him. And he’s not sitting around watching TV during the day. He’s said by the time he’s cleaned up breakfast dishes, done a couple chores around the house, checked email, if he has to run a couple errands, next thing he knows, I’m walking in the door after work, and he doesn’t know where the day went. I told him he should try it with two toddlers wrapped around your knees. He admits he now has a lot more sympathy for stay at home moms. Time management is a learned trait. Hubby is discovering there’s a need for time management even in retirement.
I’m not sure what you can do about it, but speaking as a wife and mother (whose kids are now grown) she is wrong.
Her first priority is YOUR home and her family, you and the kids. Feeding the family and keeping the home clean is part of the job description.
Unfortunately, with her *friends* feeding her those lines, I don’t know what to tell you other than I will pray that she comes to her senses.
First dispel the myth of "unconditional love." There's no such thing, except from God. Loving marriages are built on reciprocity.
Anyone asking for unconditional love is asking you to be their doormat.
Next, ask yourself if she's worth what she's asking of you. If not, tell her that.