I have learned to be respectful toward my husband even when I am angry with him, and he is being disrespectful toward me. Because the more respect I give him, the more glaringly obvious his disrespectful attitude toward me becomes, and he cannot deny his behavior and his contribution to any discord we have. It isn’t easy but it has been very effective.
I give him respect because he is a human being with feelings and I want him to look at me with the same attitude. We are respectful toward our co-workers, our neighbors, business people whether they have earned it or not. Our spouses are no different.
I have noticed over many years, the tendency to treat those we are closest with, and who we say mean the most to us, in ways that we would never dream of treating a stranger.
Maybe it's that familiarity breeds contempt, but even something as simple as how we talk to each other.
When I realized that I was more courteous with strangers than my own family, that was a real wake up call. I thought that if I go to the effort of treating people I don't know, don't care about, and will probably never see again, so well, why not the people who I claim mean the most to me?