Part of the problem is that when it comes to my case, I am not sure God is with me. I am one of those people who is considered disordered, so to speak, and I sometimes I am not sure if God is with those kind of people or if He is content to let them waste away and go to hell in Darwinian fashion.
Okay, you need to get re-acquainted with the Bible. God’s love for the meek and suffering is boundless.
“Because I live, you too shall live!”
What do you mean by “disordered”?
I am choosing the “van down by the river” option....
One of the more interesting comments I've read lately!
The way I heard it, we are all disordered.
As to going to hell, I don't know anyone who "deserves" to go to Heaven. But let's not get theological. :)
There is a lot of good advice already on this thread. The suggestion about prison was very practical, if you're just interested in 3sq+cot. However, in the event of catastrophe, who's to say the prisons will remain unaffected?
Another post referred to hypotheticals and how you shouldn't make big decisions based on them. This is usually sensible, but sometimes you can improve your life and adjust your fate favorably, by making a big change in your situation.
So who can really tell you anything?
What you worry about may come to pass, even worse than you imagined. Or not. What you need is a little security and serenity, and for that I have some suggestions.
Quit reading the political news and commentary, unless you're prepared to become an activist (which is not a bad thing). Instead of reading the gloom and doom pages, go to youtube and download some of the music you loved when you were young and chipper.
If you don't like where you live now, you should consider moving, even if you don't anticipate an apocalypse. But look at, say, Georgia during the Civil War. Lots of sun and vegetation, but they still had famine. You can only decide based on current conditions and near future prospects, not on hypothetical catastrophes.
As for communes, catastrophes have a way of bringing out the worst in people. You can flee to a commune for a secure source of food, and end up being the guy who picks the short straw and gets eaten first. All communes start out well-intended and noble, and when shtf, it's anybody's guess how noble they remain.
That said, you're discontented...you may be discontented anywhere!...so where to go?
Me, I'm happy as a clam in central PA, living is dirt cheap here, people friendly or at least polite, and guns are just another tool. If I had to move I'd move next door. Other possibilities: TN, where I hear car insurance is optional. AL, where it's almost optional and the climate is friendly.
If you can afford it, go for a place on or near the ocean, there's nearly always food in the water. Learn to catch it if you don't already know how. Learn to farm if you don't know how, if only potatoes and chickens. Once you have a level of self-sufficiency about food you won't worry so much -- about food.
Worrying, though, is just a devil gnawing at your noodle, and it'll always find a place to chew. Know that the things you worry about rarely materialize, and some other things you never expected may turn up. Life's full of surprises.
And if I may take some liberty here...perhaps you are emotionally hungry, or lonely. Get out more, shop around, attend church services, volunteer at their efforts, smile and hide (yes, HIDE) your supposed shortcomings. Best foot forward. If you can, get yourself a puppy or a kitten, you'd be surprised how animal companionship takes the edge off. If that doesn't seem practical, go to the shelter and pet them, but find some being somewhere to stroke, it's good for you.
You know where it says there's a time for this and a time for that? Well, there is also, I think, a time to beseech God and a time to roll up your sleeves. If you need to feel you're in control, you should probably put aside your doubts and roll up the sleeves. For all you know, God is sitting across the table rolling His eyes, thinking, "Your move, kid!"