DUmmie FUnnies 05-13-13 (Advice to a lovelorn DUmmie: Go to Mars, young moonbat, go to Mars!)

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 13, 2013 | DUmmie Locut0s, DUmmies, and Charles Henrickson

[2ndDivisionVet]

Now that I see that, I recommend this:

Thai Friendly ladyboy dating
http://www.thaifriendly.com/thai-ladyboy-dating.php

[Roscoe Karns]

He doesn’t really look all that shy

[Old Sarge]

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned...

[jonascord]

Can you suggest a web site that sells eye bleach? That kind of .gif can cause blood in your stool...

[PJ-Comix]

[This is a thread posted by DUmmie Locut0s, who apparently lacks hope for success with the ladiesc. Let's find out why.]

Perhaps he needs some romantic advice from DUmmie Steve Numbers.

(Back from my BEST couponing day ever but if I told you how well I did and how, it would turn you into a Coupon Atheist and I wouldn't blame anyone for not believing what I did so I won't say.)

[Old Sarge]

How about a search on "WW2 bomber art"?

[Ouderkirk]

Good Lord !?!

What a pathetic lop of s#!t.

There is no fixing it.

He’s a sex offender looking for a place to happen.

[PJ-Comix]

31 year old virgin with a bunch of mental baggage.

Wait 9 years and you might have a movie deal.

[PJ-Comix]

Initially probably looking for sex above other things

You want a coupon for the Manhattan Club in TJ? Or perhaps for the Brooklyn Bar across the street?

[PJ-Comix]

I'd probably get up there and immediately sh*t my pants.

Is that you, Al Roker?

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

a rubdown with an ostrich feather in a wading pool full of purple jello.

I am not even going to ask.

[PJ-Comix]

I'm not a relationship expert, but I would have to guess that you aren't around women enough to meet any.

Easiest way to meet women is to give them coupon advice in a supermarket and then give them coupons. I actually did this as an experiment a couple of years ago when they had Lactaid Milk Blinkie coupons for $2. It didn't state the size and quarts of Lactaid were only $2.19 and only 19 cents after the coupon. As an experiment I just stood by the blinkie in the milk department and whenever a hot looking chick came by I would just point at the Blinkie machine and then at the Lactaid. This got their curiosity up and they came over to me at which point I pulled a coupon from the Blinkie machine and showed them. Then I pointed again at the quarts of Lactaid and said my first words, "Just apply this coupon to the Lactaid quart and you only pay 19 cents."

At that point they were usually overjoyed at that deal and from then on we conversed quite a bit on a range of mostly coupon related topics. Since I'm married I had to do Catch and Release. But it could have been just "Catch" in most cases.

Later when my wife started griping about the Lactaid which I filled the refrigerator and freezer with, I started having second thoughts about the "Release" part. Lucky for her that I swore to remain eternally faithful to Playboy Playmate Petra Verkaik.

[PJ-Comix]

volunteer and community work. . . .

DUAC! DUAC!

[PJ-Comix]

[Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof. Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep. Rotate your tires.]

Desiderata?

[PJ-Comix]

[And she's armed with pepper spray.]

There used to be a hot looking woman at the Indy 500 with both a huge chip on her shoulder and a big can of pepper spray. If a guy even looked like he was about to flirt with her, she let him have it with the pepper spray. Just for fun I used to encourage the drunks to say hello to that woman and they always ended up pepper sprayed by her.

[mikrofon]

Do you have any female platonic friends?

Probably not, but if you go "out there," you might pick up some Plutonic ones...

[Charles Henrickson]

Desiderata?

No, the National Lampoon parody thereof, Deteriorata.

[mikrofon]

There's a woman who's waiting for you to appear. . . .

via Transporter ... Walk-ups need not apply.

[PJ-Comix]

[Speaking of radiation, DUmmie Locut0s, you may want to consider using a BO stick. PJ can get you a coupon.]

Six weeks ago I had 800 Speed Stick coupons but I used them all up. Perhaps he might want a Speed Stick Care Package?

[PJ-Comix]

Talk to every attractive woman you see. Say hello, ask them out to coffee, offer them a fifty for a blow job.

Substitute beer for coffee and lower the price to twenty and you would be talking about TJ.