I’ve edited for several publications. Your story flows. It was very well written as a creative work.
Again, thank you. I’ve written some other stories that have have appeared on FR. If you’re interested, here are the links:
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/2900750/posts
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/2659433/posts
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/2658885/posts