I would like to try and share a personal story, if I might?
I witnessed my own-"horrendous injustice" many years ago with one of my family members,who I was helping with the care of- my uncle, who was very sick.
This man was, quite simply, my favorite person in my family. He was the one person who accepted me for exactly who I was. He was the only family member who encouraged me to be true to myself, and do what I wanted to do with my life, no matter what anyone else thought.
A little about him: He was young, (39), when his illness struck him again. He had two children-both teenagers.
For a long time, he had had a brain tumor, that we thought was in remission. But it came back that last year, and nothing could be done to treat it. It was located in a part of his brain where they couldn't take anymore of it with surgery because he would lose most of his abilities if they did. No other treatments were working.
The tumor grew, and as it grew it caused seizures that became more and more violent.
Each time he would have seizures, he would lose some ability, until he got to the point where he could only blink his eyes for "yes" and "no". And at the end, he lost that too.
(I know it must have given him so much grief to have to have us take care of him. He was a Marine. He was always the one who took care of everyone else.)
When his last days approached, the seizures were really bad, the medication wasn't working too well. But by this time, most of my family had arrived at the house, and we were all taking turns looking after him, so I had time to rest more.
One day, I remember I was in their back guest room, and I wanted to pray because I knew that's what I should do. But I was so ANGRY I couldn't complete even one prayer .
I would start to say one ( prayer), but in the middle of it I would be thinking: "How CAN YOU, who are supposed to be loving, let him- who never hurt anyone in his life, suffer like this?! Then I would try to stop myself and start again. I continued trying to pray. But again the rage would come up- the anger, and trying not to be angry, would keep rising and falling in me.
I say I was praying, but a more accurate description would have been "yelling". I was yelling at God .
But as I kept pray/yelling, with my eyes closed, an image started coming into my mind's eye: It was of Jesus at the tomb of Lazarus. And then the words came to me: "He wept." I kept "seeing" Jesus at the tomb of Lazaurus weeping. Then a question came to me: Why did He weep?
I thought: "Why did he weep?" If He knew he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead- Why weep? This question kept coming to me, over and over.
Then, gently the answer came to me almost as a whisper: "As I stood at the tomb of Lazarus and wept- I weep with you now. I am right here." Death was not meant for man. Defeating death was the reason He hung on the cross.
I was so struck by this thought, that I stopped yelling at Him- Instead- I cried to Him, really cried, let out all the anger and sorrow, all the feelings of hopelessness, until I was completely drained. And then I fell into a very deep sleep, and didn't wake up til the next morning.
I went back home that day to pick up more clothes and catch up on the mail exc.. I stopped at a drug store to pick up some stuff.
As I was walking down one of the aisles, I got an image of my uncle in my mind: He was smiling and bathed in a soft golden light. A feeling of peace and calm washed over me. I sensed him saying "goodbye" to me.
I snapped out of it, and dismissed this as just my imagination. 5 minutes later, my phone rang. It was my mom calling to tell me he had passed away.
What I learned was this: In my opinion, when someone you love dies, part of you dies with them. You never get that part back. But our Loving Savior really is right here with us, at every step, through darkness and hurt, as well as our joys, even if we can't always sense it.
Some day, He will come back to our messed up world, and He will wipe away our every tear, and some day, no one will ever have to die. And somewhere in the universe young Debra is with Him, watching over her family, as she will for the rest of their lives, until they are all reunited in Heaven.
Please accept my deepest condolences for the loss of Debra. She and her family are in my thoughts and prayers.
(Please forgive me for the length of my post and the telling of my own story of loss. I posted it because I was hoping it might bring some comfort.)
God's Peace be with you, and Debra and her family.
I am so sorry for your loss, what a terrible time that must have been. Thank you for sharing your story.
That was beautiful and it helps. Thank you for posting it here, because I needed something uplifting today. I was told about more pictures of Debra with her girls from their last time together, and started crying all over again.
It is hard not to ask “Why?” but we put our trust in God and His mercy. The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.