“I’d rather cut out the middle man, since he doesn’t really answer any questions”
Answer your questions, or be held accountable to your complaints?
If you really want anwers, then for a start I would suggest a book by CS Lewis called “Til we have Faces”...a marvelous retelling of the Cupid vs Psyche story and of the bitterly jealous sister with the scar on her face...who discovers that “she is Psyche, too”
You, I suspect are Psyche too and God would be your Adonis and would love to give you a new heart, spirit, and mind...a new face as it were! You think you are fully human now...LADY, none of us really knows human, yet God will make his children more fully human then we could have ever possibly imagined..as we were meant to be from the beginning! Indeed God wants to make you A PERFECT LADY, I think that is your true heart cry...that is why you subconsciously and spiritually chose this moniquer for your self!
For me, there is no point in pondering such things anyway. It's a frivolous pastime, as are most forays into "spiritual" matters. Every bit as silly to me as druids pounding drums in the forest (or whatever it is that they do.)
I have no questions about life itself. Everything makes perfect sense to me just as it is. The questions that trouble people have very obvious answers, they just are not the answers people WANT. "Why do good people die of cancer?" For instance. Well, because cancer has nothing to do with your personality. "Why did that little boy have to die?" Well, he was in the street and a car came, and that's what happens. If you stop trying to posit a benevolent God, all your questions disappear.
About 15 years ago, I gave that a try: imagine what you think the world would be like with no gods, no devils, just the world spinning in black space, populated by creatures all trying to survive. Then I looked around and what I saw fit that perfectly.
So this notion that there are questions to be asked is purely the construct of a mind in revolt against reality. I do really think people would be much better off examining their lives for admittedly prosaic (but adult) issues like: how can I do my job better? Let's go over the budget again. Maybe I should clean my closet before I go shopping for something new.
Things like this are actually generally enough to fill a life if you're determined to live it as best you can. There are occasional moments of boredom, but we all have that. But escaping into fantasy lands is ultimately counter-productive, and a waste of time and energy.
I mean... if it makes you happy, I guess, go for it. But to insist that your fantasies must be everyone's fantasies... that's where you mess up. Not all of us want that. Being an atheist doesn't make me a communist, or a satanist, or a socialist, or anything else. And trying to construct a persona and force it on me so I can be integrated into your starry inner world, that's what I object to. Well, that and the ever-simmering-under-the-surface threats of Hell. That constant childhood taunt of "you're gonna get it!" ... that's irritating... as I suspect it's meant to be.