[James Oscar]

Page #38

November 24th, 2010
Reno Nevada
J A Nugget
Orozko Lounge

The shrimp cocktail, the venison and two Absolute Martinis (one olive) have put me right into the zone. Carrie (my very favorite waitress) has turned me on to a late afternoon buffet here tomorrow. It will be perfect for me on a very busy day.

Kate and I will be serving free meals to all who come tomorrow at the Carson Nugget. They have been doing this for decades and they are kind enough to allow others to help serve. It is a blessing on every level.

There is a solo artist performing tonight with guitar and violin. There is only myself and another couple for an audience but his music is remarkable none the less. I feel peaceful and in harmony tonight. Tomorrow afternoon I will spend Thanksgiving with Mother Abigail and I will ask the hard questions that have been ignored for the last few years.

But it is OK. When the last post of this series is posted, I will remain - and my life (which has forever been altered by this project) will be rich and delightful. What a strange impact MA has had on my life. How empty and shallow my future lay prior to that trip to Lake Tahoe.

One more Bailey’s coffee and I will go upstairs and hit the hot tub, work on my crossword and prepare for tomorrow.

Why I feel like an athlete prior to a big game - I do not know, but I do love the rush.

November 25th, 2010
Carson City, Nevada

I picked up Kate at 10:30 AM this morning and we went to the Nugget to help serve. We were signed up for the 11:00 to 12:00 shift on the serving line.

We were assigned to the rolls and butter detail. Which was perfect. What a joy to see so many people, of all persuasions, enjoying the generosity of the Carson Nugget. We developed a routine (being the first on the line) where I grabbed a plate and turned right where Kate loaded the goodies. I then turned and welcomed the guest and gave them their plate. Amazing how many people were in line and how fast we were able to serve them.

But best of all, right in the middle of the rush, Kate turned to me (all smiles) and said “what a good team we make”.

Having woke up the other morning with very similar thoughts, I just smiled back.

It is hard to become too attached. The scars from our last failed attempt at the “relationship thing” are still much on my mind. It hurt. But this time seems different somehow. Neither one of us are drinking quite as much and we seem a little less stressed in our lives.

But, none the less, it seems prudent to just enjoy the moments. On the way out of the Casino she was just beaming and really happy when she hugged me from behind and said “I love you”. That is as much emotion as I have ever seen from her. Her demeanor is very self controlled and in all things - professional.

All this is said simply to give you an idea that by the time I arrived at MA's - I was in a very good mood.

[James Oscar]

Page #39

November 25th, 2010
Carson City, Nevada


I arrived at MAs in the early afternoon after dropping off Kate at her home. It is brutally cold but there is no new snow. I have a ton of mixed feelings about today. First it is good to share the day with MA and I have grown to love our time in her study. But also, I am a little reluctant to breech the subjects we have, thus far, downplayed.

I brought a gorgeous pecan pie as a gift along with a bottle of Frangelico (sort of traditional with us). MA was sitting in the study as usual while her housekeeper finished the meal.

MA: It is so good to see you, thanks for coming.

Q: Would not have missed it for the world MA.

MA: Would you care for a cocktail or coffee?

Q: I would love a Crown on the rocks if you have it. Or any whiskey would be fine.

MA: Crown it is then.

Q: She left to go in the kitchen and fix our drinks, MA almost always has Frangelico and tea, as I settled into the big chair by the fire.

While it is the cowboy lifestyle that has most defined my life and career - there will always be a deep appreciation for the rock solid life of others. Here in this womb of warmth and comfort, a man such as myself cannot help but wonder how it might have been.

A different decision here, a little more patience there - could I have ever ended up like this wonderful lady? Sitting in a family homestead, content with my lives’s work and reading in the afternoon before the fire.

Nice thoughts on a Thanksgiving day - and without a lot of recrimination. It is what it is. I have long ago found peace with my choices - but it is nice to daydream now and then.

MA: What a great day for a big fire.

Q: I was just thinking the same thing MA.

MA and I had a little small talk before the meal but it was just casual. We ate in the dining room with the drapes all open and the back yard looking like a Hollywood set.

My mind tended to wander a bit as we ate, I love good food as much as anyone but there was an element of surrealism to the entire event. In a week or so I would be back in California, either writing on some of the “real” jobs that I have waiting or just decompressing after such a long and involved work.

Also for the last few days I have been trying to decide how far to push MA on her views. I most certainly do not wish to be rude, but I have promised too many people that I will explore (on a deeper level) her concept of the “Coming Wave”.

Because of the huge backlash from my last attempt to discuss the issue - I have simply avoided the hard questions. That will not be an option today.