I’m so, so sorry for your loss.
And yes, that 20 week mark makes all the difference to some in the medical community. The “care” is missing from healthcare.
How sad for the parents...
It’s unclear to me whether or not the person who flushed the toilet did so knowing what was in the toilet. Someone may have walked in, saw a dirty toilet, flushed and now feels horrible about it. It seems that the nurse who was working with the patient was happy to do what the patient wanted.
In any case, it certainly seems that hospitals should have some procedure for when the contents of the toilet bowl need to be saved for some reason - something as simple as a large plastic “do not flush” sign that hangs on the wall and can laid across the toilet when needed.