Unfortunately for MV, few teams will be able to see him meeting all of those criteria. Top teams won't risk their current chemistry, and he's not likely to help an 11-win team become a 13-win team. Most of the handful of teams with QB issues have already addressed those concerns in the off-season, and nobody wants to upset the (expensive) new guy they just brought in.
Also, hiring Vick means quickly rewriting the playbook, and basically tossing many of the plays they've already worked on in camp. Only Miami and New Orleans are likely to have enough "wildcat" style plays in their current playbooks, and the Saints are not about to upset both Brees and Bush by bringing in Vick. The Phish are probably still surprised at knocking the Patriots out of the playoffs, and don't want to mess around with whatever chemistry they found last season.
Honestly, the only team that could vastly improve it’s QB situation with Vick is the Niners... and hyper-protesting ‘Frisco is probably not the place he needs to be.