I NEED YOUR BAD JOKES!

none ^ | now | me

[Big Guy and Rusty 99]

Hey All,

I need all the bad jokes you can think of . . . I am being forced to do 5 minutes or so standup on the radio show I work on. (She says she doesn't want me to do it anymore, but I have a feeling she'll spring it on me again.)I want to bomb badly. It's an Andy Kaufman thing.

Thanks,

BG & R 99

[Jeff Chandler]

Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the other side.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
It was stuck to the bottom of the elephant's foot.

[Big Guy and Rusty 99]

An Italian, and Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy. "You're in charge of sweeping," to the Irishman, "You're in charge of shoveling," and to the Chinese guy, "And you're in charge of supplies." "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that pile." So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He says to the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replies, "I didn't have a broom. You said the Chinese guy was in charge of supplies, but he disappeared and I couldn't find him." So then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel. The Irishman replies, "I couldn't get myself a shovel. You left the Chinese guy in charge of supplies, but I couldn't find him." The foreman is really upset now, and storms off toward the pile of sand looking for the Chinese guy.

Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells 'SUPPLIES!"

[PMCarey]

Q: What did the blind, deaf, and dumb boy get for Christmas?

A: Cancer

[billhilly]

Young policeman stops an Amish woman. "Don't worry, I'm not going to write a ticket, but I did want to let you know that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken."

I thank thee and when I get home I will tell my husband and he will fix it.

"There is one other thing. I notice that your horse has a line wrapped around his testicles. Some may think that is animal cruelty."

I thank thee, and when I get home I will tell my husband."

Amish Woman to husband. "Today I was stopped by a young policeman who told me that the reflector on our buggy was broken." Husband, "I shall fix it." "Was there anything
else?" Woman, "He said something was wrong with our emergency brake."

[gcruse]

Why do little men have such teenie weenies?
Because little women has such tiny heinies.

[RedWhiteBlue]

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on the front porch?
Matt

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall?
Art

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?
Bob

[KS Flyover]

Q: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?

A: He heard the referee was blowing fowls.

[eddie willers]

Bwwwwaaahahahaha

[Dinsdale]

How many Kennedys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, one to hold the light bulb, one to drink till the room spins and one to deny everything.


bill clinton was getting on airforce one with a pig under his arm. The secret service agent says:

SS:'That sure is a nice pig you got there Mr. President'

Bill:'Yep, 'cept around these parts we call it a razorback'

SS:'That sure is a nice razorback you got there Mr. President'

Bill:'Yep, I got 'dis here razorback for Hillary'

SS:'That was one hell of trade Mr. President, I'm glad your on our side.'

[Big Guy and Rusty 99]

A man goes into a Chinese bar and says, "How 'bout a Stoly?"
The bartender says, "Once upon a time . . . ."

[cartoonistx]

Florida Elections!

[NotJustAnotherPrettyFace]

Knock-knock joke:

Knock-knock!

Who's there?

Ah-ch.

Ah-ch who?

Where's your kleenex?

(My daughter made this up when she was 6. True story.)

[Jeff Chandler]

What's the difference between kinky and perverted?

Kinky is when you utilize a feather to pleasure your woman.
Perverted is when you use the whole chicken.

[capitan_refugio]

Three retired nuns were sitting on a bench in Central Park.
A flasher comes up to them and exposes himself.
Well, the first old nun had a stroke.
Then, the second old nun had a stroke.
But the third old nun was too slow.

[Enterprise]

OK, here's a blond joke:

A blond is sitting at the bar and everyone is bagging on blonds with lots of jokes. She finally has enough and goes home in a huff. "I'll show them we're not dumb" she thinks to herself. "I'll memorize all the State Capitols and then I'll show THEM!"

She studies really really hard and goes back to the bar a week later and soon the blond jokes start. She stands up and says "Wait a minute, you people all think we're dumb but we're NOT!" I challenge anyone to ask me the capitol of ANY state!

Well, the guy in the back of the bar kind of rolled his eyes, and says "OK, what's the capitol of California?"

"That's easy," she says smugly, "it's the letter C."

[5by5]

That was no woman--it was Hilliary!

Re: A woman walks into a bar carrying a duck...

[BenLurkin]

A dog Limps into a bar and says: "I'm lookin' for the hombre that shot my paw"

Salesman to little boy: "Is your mother home?"
Little boy: Momma ain't home"
Salesman: "'Momma Ain't home!', where's your grammer?"
Boy: "Grammers in the kitchen washin' dishes and my momma still ain't home."

Poll taker to woman: "How many children do yo have?"
Woman: "Four: Eenie, meenie, minie, and Framklin."
Poleer: "Franklin, why Franklin?"
Woman: "Because I didn' want no moe."

Did you hear about the lawyer who died at the exact same moment as the Pope? He was surpised to find that 5he Pope had very modest lodgings in the heavenly city while his where palatial by comparison. So he asked St. Peter who told him, "Oh, we get Popes here all the time, but you're the first lawyer we've ever had!"

Got more bad jokes if you need 'em.

[gcruse]

Observer to two feminine-looking guys:

"Are your names Neil and Bob, or is
that, like, what you do?"

[breakem]

I was one of the original test tube babies. My sign is PYREX!

[Bad~Rodeo]