My husband and I have been happily married for nearly 30 years, and neither of us has ever made a threat, employed domineering or abusive language, tried a commanding or dominating style, used force or raised a hand in anger toward the other. Never.
Sorry to hear you've had it so bad.
31 years now.
I would no more raise a hand to my wife or daughters than I would cut off my own arm.
People need to learn how to communicate. That means twice as much listening as it does speaking.