Maybe it was a couple of angels wrestling with him, the way an angel wrestled with Jacob?
Yes, praise JAY-SUS, God sent his own angels down to beat up a godless heathen!
Yes, sir, you'd better walk the straight-and-narrow, theologically speaking, or the new, improved RoboGod will make you pay right here, right now, Amen, HALLELUJAH!
Maybe He can branch out into protection rackets.