"I'm a lone wolf type. Totally self sufficient and happy with myself. I never realized that until my first wife, who I thought I could not live without, left me.
I guess I have never had a "friend" in my whole life. Just acquaintances.
A prime example; I went hunting with my Dad in the Mts of Utah last fall. My whole trip was consumed with daydreams; Here is where I can Build a cabin; Here are the materials; I could get ice from this stream in the winter; How big must I dig back into the hillside to preserve the ice all summer; What items must I go to town for; etc. etc.
Don't get me wrong, I love and adore my wife but I also cherish my time alone and would function perfectly well without her. (BTW tomorrow is our (6th 7th or 8th I forget which ) anniversary
I inherited a bit of depression from my Mom. She called my attention to it, and I denied it at first. Upon further reflection I realized that she was right. I do suffer from mild depression.
The difference is that I am functional during the depression periods. When I am happy I am very happy. When I am melancholy I am very melancholy. But I revel in and relish both equally.
You, and whoever else reads this, now know more about me than anyone else on the earth!"
I understand completely! The mountains of Utah are absolutely gorgeous, but they are also deadly. I was fortunate to live in a small town at the foot of some of them, and spend my growing up years playing in the foothills, and exploring the higher reaches. Utah is an easy place to deceive yourself...the "survival" instinct is strong there, because of the Pioneer Heritage.
(Happy Anniversary tomorrow!)
As a military wife, I have spent most of my life alone, raising my kids by myself, so that now, the thought of being with someone for longer than a cup of coffee is rather distressing for me because I don't know if I can adjust...I must always have the option of "recharging my batteries" alone, in a manner to which I am accustomed. Period.
I take my depression as a matter of course, and know that it will end, sooner or later. But that it will always come back. And it is hereditary ~~ my son also suffers from it.
And I, for one, will never tell a soul what you have revealed!
Happy New Year, OSHA!
I must always have the option of "recharging my batteries" alone, in a manner to which I am accustomed. Period.
In that way lies happiness, Grasshopper. When you are happy with yourself then and only then can you find someone else who is the same.
"Neediness" is the destroyer of relationships!