Free Republic

In their last-minute attempts to woo the young female vote, Democrats have crossed the line separating good taste from vulgarity and published a video that compares voting for Barack Obama to losing one's virginity. The YouTube video featuring actress and filmmaker Lena Dunham has received a million hits in two days, but much of the attention is negative, judging by the viewers' rating of the video. Conservatives have blasted the ad. Charlotte Hays of the Independent Women's Forum called it "a new descent into vulgarity." "That a campaign would cut an ad such ad heralds a profound cultural shift in...

Barbi Weiner, a third grade teacher currently on disability, is suing the Republican party for having taken an active role in returning George Bush to the White House, a circumstance that resulted in Ms. Weiner suffering a nervous collapse last Nov.8th as she crossed West 72nd Street. "I looked up and saw the WestSideWaffle! sign with its big red 'W’s,'" she says. "And I realized it was true – he won. Then I started thinking about my life and I realized that I couldn’t go on living in a country where a war-mongering baby-killer holds the highest office in the...

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NEW YORK - Some are born to rule, others to ridicule is a worthy reminder to U.S presidential hopefuls struck by an endless arsenal of satirical barbs on the Web. A host of cybercynics take aim at President Bush and Democratic challenger John Kerry in fake news reports, multimedia presentations and childlike artwork online, offering comic relief from blood-boiling political debate. "Any prematurely bald guy with a modem can get online now and write satire," said Sam Margolis, a freelance writer who created Chortler.com and boasts monthly visits of about 150,000. Margolis pens pieces for the site from Budapest, Hungary....

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AL-QAIDA DECLARES HOLY WAR ON SARSTerrorist Group Peeved That Coronavirus Wreaking More Havoc And Causing More Damage Than Fundamentalist Sleeper Cells KABUL -- Members of al-Qaida have declared a holy war on SARS, saying the contagious respiratory illness is stealing their thunder by posing a more serious terror threat to the United States than al-Qaida strikes. The jihad, issued Thursday by senior members of al-Qaida who say they'd currently get more attention coughing in crowded subway cars than they would bombing embassies, is aimed at eliminating SARS and turning the West's attention back to the threat of dying at the...

SHARON, ABBAS FIND COMMON GROUND ON MARTHA STEWART INDICTMENT By Marni Soupcoff AQABA, Jordan -- At a milestone summit capping a two-day visit to the area by President Bush, the Prime Ministers of Israel and the Palestinian Authority stated Wednesday that they had found one matter upon which they could agree completely: Martha Stewart. Both leaders stated without reservation that they were of one mind about the appropriateness of an American grand jury's indictement of Martha Stewart on insider trading charges. "That cold-hearted kitchen Nazi had it coming," Sharon said. "I couldn't have said it better myself," Abbas agreed. "And...

DASCHLE FOCUSES ON SUBSTANCE -- "NOT STUNTS" -- IN MADISON CHAMBER OF COMMERCE ADDRESS By Lin Anderson Calling President Bush's history-making flight to meet the aircraft carrier U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln "admittedly a cute little stunt, I suppose," Sen. Tom Daschle (D-SD) yesterday told a Chamber of Commerce luncheon in his home state that, while the Republican president may have the ability to fly a jet, "Democrats can do a whole lot of things, too." Daschle -- who joked good-naturedly with chamber officials about his having to stand atop three metropolitan-area telephone directories to peer over the "junior podium" at Nicky's...

CANADIAN CAT-LOVER COMES CLEAN: "I WAS A NAÏVE FOOL TO BE A BODY DOUBLE FOR SADDAM!" By William Grim TORONTO -- In a rambling interview with this reporter, 28-year old David McAngus of Mississauga, Ontario, Canada -- a cat shelter employee and lay minister with the 1st Mississauga United Church of Canada -- expressed deep regret at having gone off to Iraq where he became a body double for Saddam Hussein. "Well, I was like, so inspired when I saw Margaret Atwood on CITY-TV denouncing American imperialism and everything, that I thought, gee, maybe I should go to Iraq and...

Madonna stars at bad film awards By David Germain in Los Angeles March 23, 2003 MADONNA and husband Guy Ritchie have swept away the competition at the Razzies, an annual spoof of the Academy Awards singling out the worst achievements in film. Swept Away, the island-romance bomb that starred Madonna and was written and directed by Ritchie, took five Razzie Awards today, among them worst picture of 2002. Madonna tied for worst actress with fellow pop queen Britney Spears, who made her starring debut in Crossroads, another worst-picture contender. Ritchie was chosen worst director, while Swept Away earned Madonna a...

KHALID SHEIKH MOHAMMED SQUEALS ON OSAMA; SAYS OSAMA IS 'A MAJOR SLOB WHO NEVER KEPT HIS HALF OF THE CAVE CLEAN!' By Marni-Rebecca Malarkey WASHINGTON -- According to inside sources, top Al Qaeda operative Khalid Sheikh Mohammed has been "singing like a canary" since his arrest two weeks ago in Pakistan. Some of Sheikh Mohammed's revelations have helped American Special Forces in their hunt for Bin Laden, and American special operatives are now said to be only "two steps behind" the world-renowned lunatic, as opposed to the "two thousand steps, a donkey ride, a train trip, a crowded bus journey...

HIGH SCHOOL FRENCH CLUB SURRENDERS TO GERMAN CLUB By William Grim (Grove City, Ohio) -- School officials in this suburban high school were informed today that members of the school's French Club have officially surrendered to the suburban high school's German Club. "We felt it was the only thing we could do under the circumstances," said Mme. LaForge, who has taught sophomore French at Grove City HS since 1985 and is the newly-dubbed Vichy Club's advisor. "The boys in the German Club were threatening to pull down all the posters of the Eiffel Tower on the walls of the French...

THE ICONOCLAST LATEST SATIRICAL NEWS IN DEPTH..... MARS CORPORATION ENTERS ADULT CANDY MARKET By William Grim New York -- In a controversial move designed to garner greater market share and boost a sagging bottom line, the Mars Corporation, best known for its flagship Mars Bar, has purchased the Super Dickmann line of candies from its German owners. As a result of this purchase, as of February 1st the family-oriented Mars Corporation will become the world's largest purveyor of adult candies. Hubert "Skippy" Mars, CEO of the company founded by his great-great grandfather, was unapologetic about the company's move into...