Free Republic

Dozens of federal employees at an obscure agency that handles appeals of patent applications went years with so little work to do that they collected salaries — and even bonuses — while they surfed the Internet, did laundry, exercised and watched television, an investigation has found. The employees, paralegals making $60,000 to $80,000 a year, were idle with full knowledge of their immediate bosses and multiple layers of managers and judges who “sat on their hands” waiting for work to give them, a year-long probe by the Commerce Department inspector general’s office uncovered. The underworked paralegals did little as a...

THE PRESIDENT: Now, before I finish, can I say, by the way, that some of you have been standing for a while and I see a couple folks slumping down a little bit. Make sure you're drinking water. Bend your knees. Don't stand up too straight. The paralegals will be -- the paralegals? (Laughter.) You don't need lawyers. (Laughter.) The paramedics will be coming by, so just give folks a little bit of room, they'll be fine. This happens at every event.

On Friday evening, over 20 people collapsed at a campaign event for President Obama in Roanoke, Virginia, Joel Gehrke reported at the Washington Examiner. According to CBS News White House correspondent Mark Knoller, Obama told supporters there were "paralegals" available to help those who felt weak from the heat. "Catching his mistake," Knoller tweeted, Obama corrected himself and told the crowd, "you don't need lawyers." "Yes, we do need lawyers to help US opt out of Ocare penalties-turned taxes (sic)," responded Sarah Nelson. "Obama, meaning to say paramedics are available if anyone feels weak, says "paralegals" are around. Crowd laughs...

Stripteases, sexual favors, booze, porn mags, and fat stacks of cash would be run-of-the-mill in many Miami strip clubs. But at downtown's maximum security Federal Detention Center? Multiple attorneys interviewed by Riptide say the FDC visitor rooms have been taken over by South American pole dancers posing as paralegals for wealthy drug lords inside. Lawyers hired by the accused narco dons allegedly list the scantily clad women as "legal assistants," and the FDC lets them in. Meanwhile, attorneys who refuse to go along risk losing their clients to lawyers with busty beauties on staff. "They take off their tops and...

Good Afternoon! When I need advice, I turn to Freepers. I am interested in learning more about becoming a paralegal. I've done some research, but I was hoping to get some first hand accounts. As a career, how would you rate it? Is it challenging, interesting, etc. More importantly, are you in charge of fetching the coffee?

WASHINGTON -- The legalities of disaster recovery can seem murkier than floodwater, but for some Air Force families, making claims for belongings destroyed by Hurricane Katrina will be easier, thanks to Air Force paralegals. Two teams of Airmen from various Air Education and Training Command bases arrived at Keesler Air Force Base, Miss., recently to help survivors navigate the legal claims system to recover or get reimbursement for their personal property on base. "The purpose of the teams is to go into the affected areas, evaluate the extent of the damages, document that information and assist the military member filing...

The memo has footnotes. It has exhibits. It is crisp and professional and is written on stationery of Paul, Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison, one of New York's elite law firms. Indeed, it is the hottest law firm memo around town, but it is not about Enron, Tyco or any corporate scandal. It was not even written by a lawyer. It is the sushi memo, and here is its story. A Paul, Weiss partner, Kelley D. Parker, apparently received a subpar order of takeout sushi. So, according to the memo, she asked a paralegal to research local sushi restaurants. The...