Free Republic

NEW YORK, NY—L'Oréal USA announced in a press release Tuesday that the company is introducing "The Biden Collection" under its Garnier Fructis brand. The shampoos and conditioners are said to give off that perfect hair scent that vice presidents simply can't resist. From "Presidential Passion Fruit" and "Oval Office Orange" to "Creepy Cranberry" and "Too Close Tomato," the line has scents to attract any kind of vice president. Joe Biden himself was brought in as a consultant to help engineers craft the ideal scent. Biden smelled hundreds of flavors before personally selecting the ones used for the official product...

Sunday, 16 October 2016 Martin Luther to be canonized As part of the celebrations of the Reformation, and to mark his excellent relations with the Lutherans - "After all, they're far more Catholic than the German cardinals Kasper, Marx, and their cronies" - Pope Francis has agreed to canonize Martin Luther himself.

Pope Francis said Thursday that the majority of the words that come “spilling” out of his mouth are invalid because most of the time he doesn’t understand that what he says is permanent. “We live in a culture of the provisional,” the Pontiff said, responding to a question about the “crisis of his pontificate.” Francis said he often doesn’t comprehend the importance of what he’s saying when speaking off-the-cuff, which he said is “indissoluble.” “Sadly in today’s pontificate, I don’t understand that what I say will have ramifications for not only my pontificate, but of the many pontificates to come,”...

Thursday afternoon at approximately 4:57pm ET , North Carolina Police detained a man, later to be identified as Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, for using the men’s restroom in the Charlotte-Douglas International Airport. Police say they received a complaint from numerous bystanders and patrons inside the bathroom complaining of a person who didn’t belong there. When asked how police recognized that the man who they received complaints about may have been a women, they pointed towards the Cowboys apparel Romo was wearing at the time. “It was a dead giveaway,” said officer Mike Roseman. Under the state law, Romo was...

WASHINGTON (CBS DC) — President Barack Obama has high praise for potential 2016 contenders Vice President Joe Biden and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. “I think Joe Biden will go down in history as one of the best vice presidents ever, and he has been with me, at my side, in every tough decision that I’ve made,” Obama told MSNBC in an interview Thursday held at American University. “Hillary, I think, will go down in history as one of the finest secretaries of state we’ve ever had, and helped to transition us away from a deep hole that we...

The yard sign... Ralph, My neighbor is a "lefty" of sorts (Obama bumper stickers, gung-ho socialized medicine, "guns should be banned", etc.). So last week I put this sign up in my yard after one of his anti-gun rants at a neighborhood cocktail party. The sign wasn't up more than an hour before he called the police and wanted them to make me take down the sign. Fortunately, the officer politely informed him that it was not their job to take such action without a court order and that he had to file a complaint "downtown" first, which would be...

(Washington, D.C., 1/8/09) In a statement to be released tomorrow, the incoming administration of President-Elect Barack Obama has promised government intervention in the worldwide web by the creation of a U.S. mandated operating system to be named “Barix 1.0" which will, by government decree, replace Windows, MAC and Linux among a few, plus a plethora of browsers such as Firefox and Internet Explorer." “The esteemed, highly decorated and patriotic Senator Kerry once said, “You can’t professionalize unless you federalize” when talking about the creation of the TSA. The creation of this professionally prepared, foolproof government created operating system will be...

Sunnyvale, California - The Internet "giant" Yahoo has recently come under fire by former Pensacola Christian College students who say they were "turned in" to the school's administration for maintaining an online forum which discussed and supported Reformed doctrine. "We feel betrayed" said former student Mark Hudson. Hudson, along with seven other students were recently asked to leave the school after the administration discovered that they were secretly maintaining the web forum. The site, called "The Calvinist Underground" was frequented by a number of "closet Calvinists" at many Independent Fundamentalist Schools around the country. The site often contained frustrations expressed...

NASHVILLE, TN – Most evangelicals in America do not realize that this past Sunday (11/11) was Southern Baptists’ annual celebration of “Real Christian Sunday.” “Not many people know about this,” reported Morris Chapman, head of the SBC’s Executive Committee. “Actually, it’s kind of embarrassing so we don’t announce it much outside of Southern Baptist circles.” What is “Real Christian Sunday”? It is the Sunday of the year when the highest percentage of truly saved people attend SBC churches. TBNN has discovered that the reasons for this are a bit involved, but still understandable. It all begins with “Homecoming.” Homecoming is...

Wittenburg, Germany - In a shocking story that is now making headlines on only the most reputable of news sources, a recent exhumation of the body of Martin Luther showed that the Reformer has indeed "rolled over in is grave." Luther was buried beneath the pulpit of the Castle Church in Wittenburg after his death in 1546. As noted in the records of the burial ceremony, Luther was placed within the tomb laying on his back. When the work crew opened the tomb over the weekend to perform maintenance on it, they found the remains of Luther lying face down,...

I mean to say, just look at it.

Iowahawk Guest Commentaryby Jesse MacbethIraq War Veterans Against GoogleBreakfast Shift Associate, Wendys of Tacoma.As a decorated combat veteran of Bush's Iraq misadventure, I am all too familiar with the saying "the first casualty of war is truth." Because this administration sold us a war of empire on a double stack combo of lies, biggie sized them, and served them up with extra mustard. And I was there to see it, man.My story starts in 2001. I was a sophomore at Mayfield High, a star athlete who was captain of the basketball, football, and track teams, and had singlehandly scored 200...

AUSTIN, Texas - (KIAN) Retired Pediatrician Dr. Hugh Jorgen has publicly apologized for participating in the Birth of George W. Bush. It had been a dark and stormy night in New Haven Conneticut and as dawn broke on July 6th, 1946 A young Senator's daughter-in-law became more agitated, seemingly wanting to rid herself of the burden she carried in the delivery room. "I could sense an uneasiness in the delivery room as George Walker Bush entered the world at the New Haven Hospital", Dr. Jorgen said. "I am responsible for Terror that has befallen our world, It was the worst...

WASHINGTON--Lawmakers predicted Sunday that President Bush's request for a mandate to restore regional security in the Mideast would be scaled down to address just Iraq, to allow Saddam Hussein to counter-attack as long as he does it from some other country. The White House has proposed a resolution that would authorize the president ''to use all means that he determines to be appropriate, including force, in order to ... defend the national security interests of the United States against the threat posed by Iraq, and restore international peace and security in the region.'' ''It's much too broad, there's no limit...