Free Republic

St. Louis—In what could be the biggest disaster since Hurricane Katrina, Budweiser—after being sold to Belgian based InBev—has immediately plans to change the formulation for their beer. The change comes to reflect a European style of beer, giving it a more “fruitier and nuttier taste,” a veritable Bud “spritzer.” The beer, known to the common working class man, will now appeal to the most erudite of Americans. The “King Of Beers” will indeed have a flavor made for a king, flushing years of perfection down the toilet.

Denver—With the Democratic National Convention approaching, it appears that Denver will stop at nothing to get the homeless off the streets during the convention. The actions have created a swarm of homeless to descend upon the city. Some of the ideas being floated by Denver city officials include sending the homeless to the movies, to the zoo, and even sequestering them in local homeless shelters.

Hollywood—In what could only be referred to as a historic event, Hollywood is shutting down its doors to save “Mother Earth.” The move comes after years of trying to reach an unsympathetic Bush administration, and decades of attempts at inculcating the American populous. The historic decision—based largely on the overwhelming evidence of the plight of polar bears, spotted owls and tropical insects—has forced the inevitable activist outcome, an outcome designed to promote a greener planet. Over the last year, article after article has emerged, detailing the destruction to the planet via one species or another. The evidence has only fallen...

New York—Despite the fake birth certificate scare, and the alleged “whitey” tape, it appears that new information has surfaced, creating a possible Nagasaki for Barack Obama and his campaign. John Landenbocker, from Landenbocker Associates, is a professional genealogist that has successfully linked slave blood to former President Bill Clinton. It has reportedly taken years to discover the dark truth, but since Senator Hillary Clinton, D-NY, entered the race for President, Landenbocker was forced to ramp up his efforts.

The $300 billion mortgage bill received a vote of approval in the U.S. Senate, but the rescue may not come to starving homeowners soon, largely because the House wants to change the legislation, and Bush has threatened to veto it, leaving thousands of children without a home. “When you wake up in the morning with a foreclosure,” cried Dodd, “you have to face your children and your spouse. How much longer do we need to debate? I guess long enough for people to start jumping off buildings!”

Washington—In what could be her boldest move yet, Nancy Pelosi plans to sue for the Iran missile launches. The lawsuit comes after Tehran’s test of missiles that could hit the Jewish state. In their attempt to flex their muscles in a show of force, Iran’s Revolutionary Guard has only incited a fiercer, more determined opponent, Nancy Pelosi, D-CA, willing to take whatever legal measures necessary to bring down the brash regime.

Harrisburg, PA—In what can only be construed as an attack on McCain’s character, Obama claimed that John McCain wasn’t an authentic American hero. The claim came the day after his speech on patriotism and Wesley Clark’s attacks on McCain. In a question and answer session with reporters, Obama remarked that patriotism was “supporting your country and your government when it deserved it.” “However,” crowed Obama, “I do not question John McCain’s patriotism, rather, I question his American hero status. I would love for someone to tell me how getting shot down and spending time as a prisoner of war makes...

Every once in a while, a person comes along that leaves an indelible mark on America’s soul, forever changing the country’s direction. This person makes such an impact that they change the balance of power in America, leaving a legacy that even historians have no choice but to take notice. There were times during his forty-year radio program that it seemed all was lost. After Hillary Clinton’s election to the Presidency in 2008, the American economy sunk into a recession. With a Democrat majority in congress, Hillary Clinton was able to pass and sign into legislation the largest tax hike...

In "The Essence of Conservatism," Russell Kirk wrote that "a conservative is not, by definition, a selfish or a stupid person; instead, he is a person who believes there is something in our life worth saving." Conservatism is an investment in freedom, and the person that demonstrates the finest of qualities found in "The Essence of Conservatism" will help mold the future of conservatism and America. Today, America stands at a veritable crossroads in history. American conservatives must choose a leader that will ensure that freedom, prosperity, and American exceptionalism will endure for years to come. So, for those patriots—much...

Houston, TX—In what may be the biggest medical breakthrough of the millennium, Dr. “Red” Duke claims to have discovered a vaccine that will prevent liberal stupidity. The vaccine, currently in the throws of a study, is reported to stop the spread of absurdities and other abnormalities associated with liberalism. In some cases, Dr. Duke notes, the rampant disease can be halted altogether, giving hope to many families that have given up on ever finding a cure for their relatives. Testing, according to Dr. Duke, was done largely on monkeys, because of the similar characteristics between monkeys and liberals. The incessant,...

Oak Brook, IL—In a bold and decisive move, McDonalds is taking the first step in their fight against Israeli aggression right here in the good old United States of America. Beginning August 1, 2006, McDonalds will launch a new line of Happy Meals, calling them their Hezbollah Happy Meals. Ten percent of all proceeds go directly to support the Hezbollah gorillas in their fight against the invading, Israeli force. Until now, McDonalds has stood on the sidelines, and, according to President Ralph Alvarez, isn’t going to sit around anymore while bloodthirsty Israelis launch an attack on the peace loving people...

COMMENTARY Diana Irey: Conservative American for Congress By Chris Davis Jul 24, 2006 Make no mistake.  Conservatism will save America.  Conservatism will be the bedrock upon which all Americans can place their inevitable gratitude.  It is conservatism that will preserve an enduring moral order and everlasting prosperity for the United States of America. Those indelible qualities have been incorporated into America's soul from our Founding Fathers.  They sought a Republic as moral, as just and divine as any in the world.  They sought an America full of hope and inspiration for all of mankind.  And they founded a country bathed...

Los Angeles—Despite the reaming that Americans are taking at the gas pumps, many are still willing to travel on this Memorial Day Weekend. Thousands, however, are in desperate straits and have checked themselves into gasoline rehabilitation clinics to deal with the rising prices and windfall profits of oil companies. “High gas prices are not just an inconvenience anymore,” fired Robert Gentile, director of Consumer Reports’ Auto Price Services. “They are forcing people to reconsider what and how they drive, even the way they live their lives. They are forcing them into rehabilitation. Many of the working poor can’t withstand this...

Denmark Newspaper Announces New Comic Strip: Derflügen Jihad Satire by Writer33 Copenhagen…..—Under a firestorm of controversy, the Danish newspaper, Jyllands-Posten, plans to step on the neck of Islamic fascists, and draw a new battle line by announcing their new comic strip. The new strip—which is to debut April 1, 2006—is titled, Derflügen Jihad. The trouble all began with the publishing of cartoons, satirizing the Prophet Mohammad. This evoked wrath from radical Islamic clerics, bursts of rage in protests, as thousands gathered to do what they do best: burn things. In this religion of peace, clerics placed a bounty on...

A Few of FR's Finest....Every Day Free Republic made its debut in September, 1996, and the forum was added in early 1997.   Over 100,000 people have registered for posting privileges on Free Republic, and the forum is read daily by tens of thousands of concerned citizens and patriots from all around the country and the world. A Few of FR's Finest....Every Day was introduced on June 24, 2002. It's only a small room in JimRob's house where we can get to know one another a little better; salute and support our military and our leaders; pray for those in...

From NationalLedger.com COMMENTARY The Eleven Lessons of Rush Limbaugh By Chris Davis Jan 30, 2006 It has been two long years since I wrote the essay; Rush Limbaugh is "The Passion."  Since, conservatives have reelected President Bush, retained both houses of Congress, and are threatening to reform the out of control Supreme Court of the United States.  These labors have shown that Americans support the conservative ideology, largely because of its guiding principles, not the vehicle behind that ideology. It is the same with Rush Limbaugh.  A little over two years ago, Rush Limbaugh announced his addiction to prescription drugs. ...

A Few of FR's Finest....Every Day Free Republic made its debut in September, 1996, and the forum was added in early 1997.   Over 100,000 people have registered for posting privileges on Free Republic, and the forum is read daily by tens of thousands of concerned citizens and patriots from all around the country and the world. A Few of FR's Finest....Every Day was introduced on June 24, 2002. It's only a small room in JimRob's house where we can get to know one another a little better; salute and support our military and our leaders; pray for those in...

HAPPYBIRTHDAYRUSH Born, January 12, 1951 in Cape Girardeau, Missouri. Make no mistake. Rush Limbaugh is “The Passion.” He is the passion of conservatism, the very pulse, bounding through the veins of the nation. He produces life with every heartbeat of his show as he scoffs at liberals and gives us his interpretation of conservative truth. His brand of ideology shakes the very foundations of liberalism. He follows in the footsteps of giants, such as George Washington, Thomas Paine, and Ronald Reagan, promoting the ideals of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. He broadcasts affectionately trying to steer growing...

A Few of FR's Finest....Every Day Free Republic made its debut in September, 1996, and the forum was added in early 1997.   Over 100,000 people have registered for posting privileges on Free Republic, and the forum is read daily by tens of thousands of concerned citizens and patriots from all around the country and the world. A Few of FR's Finest....Every Day was introduced on June 24, 2002. It's only a small room in JimRob's house where we can get to know one another a little better; salute and support our military and our leaders; pray for those in...

Washington—In response to Howard Dean and the unpopular support for the war in Iraq, President Bush is planning to propose a reinstatement of the draft. The move comes after Howard Dean pronounced that America can’t win the war in Iraq, comparing it to the Vietnam War. Time for a draft? Bush is sending the proposal up before congress breaks for Christmas, and wants immediate action, especially after polls conclusively showed that Americans want out of Iraq. The White House is touting this sudden move as part of its campaign to ramp up support, calling it “the biggest Christmas present the...

COMMENTARY White House to Host First Non Offensive Christmas By Political Satirist Chris Davis Nov 30, 2005 Washington—Besieged by legal troubles, conservative Christians, militant minutemen and dwindling support for the war, the White House has decided to host the first non offensive Christmas this year. The decision reportedly came after the polls showed that Americans no longer showed support for the war in Iraq and on terror.  America's dissent, followed by Democrats demanding an immediate withdrawal, drove the final nail to the end of the White House Christmas.  This year, according to Laura Bush, things are going to be different....

Thanksgiving Dinner Family Debate: Liberals vs. Conservatives By Chris Davis Nov 23, 2005 Thanksgiving is here!  Many people are preparing for that feast of turkey, dressing and pumpkin pie.  Some are packing clothes and making plans for their flight or drive.  Others, though, are spending time with friends and family, recalling the fond memories of better days during their childhoods. But most conservatives, however, are gearing up for that once a year visit from their liberal Uncle Phil or Aunt Sally.  Amidst the conversation, they'll be forced—through dirty looks from their spouses or a gentle hand placed on the knee—to...

Freedom isn’t cheap. It’s the most expensive asset in America. Without freedom, all other assets would become negligible. If we take a look at a balance sheet, freedom would be listed as a long term asset, the kind of asset that takes years and years to pay off. Who pays it off? The United States Armed Forces. The men and women in the military make that payment on a daily, weekly, monthly and yearly basis. Over the years, those sacrifices made have been an installment to freedom. Each deployment and death has made life in America all the more perfect....

HOUSTON—In a desperate move to escape guilt, Representative Tom DeLay turned himself in Thursday at the Harris County sheriff’s office and was fingerprinted, photographed and released on $10,000 bail on conspiracy and money-laundering charges. DeLay was accompanied by his lawyer Dick DeGuerin and arrived shortly after noon at a Harris County Sheriff’s Department facility at 49 San Jacinto. According to sheriff's Lt. John Martin, Representative Delay was booked like we would book any other Republicans involved in a scandal, like the criminal that they are. Dick DeGuerin told reporters that DeLay was put through the process because of a political...

Washington—Karl Rove, forced to testify a fourth time before the grand jury, wants Americans to send lawyers, guns and money in an attempt to save him from the impending grand jury indictment. The reason Rove is required to testify a fourth time is to explain the discrepancy between Time reporter Matthew Cooper and his own grand jury testimony. Apparently, the excrement has hit the fan, and Rove is in hot water with prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald. Special prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald’s two-year-old investigation was initiated to determine whether officials Bush’s administration violated a 1982 law designed to protect the identity of covert...

Three weeks ago I lost my father. His health had deteriorated for a number of years, but the last few months things had been improving. And then one morning he couldn’t breathe. By the time my mother called 911 he was gone. After getting the phone call, all time seemed to stop. Nothing mattered. I sat there stunned, wondering why it had to happen now. Why didn’t I have a chance to say goodbye? There are pivotal moments in everyone’s life. It had become abundantly clear that this was one of those moments. I could only hope that I was...

Washington—In a sudden turn of events, Reagan documents linked Supreme Court nominee John Roberts to early humans, commonly referred to as Neanderthals. The shocking revelation left many confused and the White House in stunned silence at their poor choice of candidate, a position a minority of Americans—best known as conservatives—agreed with. The so-called classic Neanderthals were robust and had a large, thick skull, a sloping forehead, and a chinless jaw. These features, keys to the evolutionary link, were easily identifiable in conservatives such as Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Walter Williams and Mark Levin, but also found in John Roberts. But...

Here are two quotes from the article. “I think we should move for impeachment,” said Sen. John Kerry, D-MA. Ignoring an American mother should be an impeachable offense. I think it’s high time we made it one.” “I just know Rush Limbaugh better keep his mouth shut on this protest,” fired Sen. John McCain, R-AZ. “He’s been making far too many excuses for President Bush and this administration. For once, I’d like to see him use some moderation. He’s one of the reason this mother suffers now. But he’ll never see that.”

Washington—In what appeared to be a shrewd Constitutional move, Bush appointed John Bolton as U.S. ambassador to the United Nations, sticking it to Senate Democrats and forcing France to immediately withdraw. The sudden move stunned President Jacques Chirac, forcing him to tears. “I made the call to Kofi Annan,” cried Chirac. “I can’t believe Bush did this to us. With this bully in office, no country is safe from occupation!” Bush invoked his renegade constitutional authority to fill an open job while Congress was in recess, instead of reportedly trying to resolve a deadlock with senators who had called Bolton...

New York—Democrats are celebrating Social Security, holding an old-fashioned hoedown and George W. Bush roast, Thursday, August 4, 2005, marking the 1,000 th Social Security event for Democrats in recognition of 70 years of entitlement mentality. The event, titled “Social Security or Bust,” will be held in Jamestown, New York, and hosted by Congressman Brian Higgins, D-NY. Some of the celebrities headlining the event include Rosie O’Donnell, Ben Affleck, George Carlin, Harry Belafonte, Johnny Depp and many other brilliant minds. “I can’t wait,” commented Rosie O’Donnell. “I hear the winner of the roast gets to pin the swastika on George...

Commentary US Senators Stress Calm, Ready for Supreme Court Bloodbath By Chris Davis Jul 4, 2005 WashingtonRepublican and Democratic senators urged people and interest groups to resist partisan rhetoric and remain calm while waiting for U.S. President George W. Bush to select a replacement for retiring Justice Sandra Day O'Connor for the US Supreme Court. However, many Democratic senators warned that they were ready for a bloodbath if Bush picks anyone too extreme. Since the announcement July 1 that O'Connor will retire, conservative and liberal groups have reportedly been preparing for a contentious fight over a replacement for the justice...

Washington—Republican and Democratic senators urged people and interest groups to resist partisan rhetoric and remain calm while waiting for U.S. President George W. Bush to select a replacement for retiring Justice Sandra Day O’Connor. However, many Democratic senators warned that they were ready for a bloodbath if Bush picks anyone too extreme. Since the announcement July 1 that O’Connor will retire, conservative and liberal groups have reportedly been preparing for a contentious fight over a replacement for the justice who cast pivotal votes over abortion rights, affirmative action, and the role of religion in public life. Sen. Arlen Specter noted...

Russell Kirk once wrote, “A conservative is not, by definition, a selfish or a stupid person; instead, he is a person who believes there is something in our life worth saving.” In the essay, The Essence of Conservatism, Kirk goes on to define conservatism and explain the unique qualities of conservatives; the individualities that mark the distinct differences between American conservatives and the rest. Those indelible qualities have been incorporated into America’s soul from our Founding Fathers. They sought a Republic as moral, as just and divine as any in the world. They sought an America full of hope and...

In a brash move to prove they’re not weak on terror, liberals across America have lashed out, terrorizing Karl Rove. The relentless attacks, designed to protect Americans from the blood thirsty chicken hawk, came within 24 hours of Karl Rove comments criticizing liberals’ response to the 9/11 attacks. The comments that drew the liberal terror came in his address to the Conservative Party of New York on June 22, 2005, where Rove stated, “Conservatives saw the savagery of 9/11 and the attacks and prepared for war; liberals saw the savagery of the 9/11 attacks and wanted to prepare indictments and...

Chicago—In a bold new move, Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean bowed down to the House of Jackson on Sunday, making not one but two visits to friendly audiences at the Rainbow/PUSH headquarters, trying to tone down the rhetoric that has landed him in so much hot water lately, while announcing his plans for a new coalition on reaching out to evangelicals. Dean’s newfound message discipline did not preclude a personal snipe at his counterpart, Republican National Committee Chairman Ken Mehlman. The new coalition, called ‘The Committed Christian Coalition,’ is part of Howard Dean’s new strategy to counter the Christian...

Washington — In an unprecedented move, the Bush administration is punching Amnesty International right in the mouth with its new proposal, striking right at the heart of the group. The new proposal—heading to Capitol Hill next week—concerned the building of four Soviet-era gulags in the United States. “We’re going to roll back the decades,” said Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice. “Turn back the clock to the 1980s so to speak. It’s time to give Amnesty International something to talk about.” Two weeks ago, Amnesty International released a report comparing the camps to Soviet-era gulags, and urged Washington to close down...

Santa Rosa, Calif.—After more than thirty years, ‘Deep Throat’ has been unleashed in America. The 91-year old patriarch was reported by Vanity Fair to be the informant for Woodward and Bernstein that brought President Nixon tumbling to the ground. The revelation solved a 30-year-old mystery and brought dozens of orgasmic reporters and camera crews to the Felt family’s home north of San Francisco, coming within inches of trampling their flower beds and clogging neighborhood streets. On May 31, 2005 in a family statement, ‘Deep Throat’s’ grandson, Nick Jones, noted that the family believed that their grandfather, Mark Felt Sr., was...

What is a soldier? A soldier, as defined by Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary, is a person engaged in military service. Soldiers, sailors, airmen, or marines are more than this. They are the best of America, the very essence of America. They are the mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, sons and daughters of America, the very heartbeat of a thriving nation. They provide us with the greatest gift of all, freedom. They allow capitalism to grow in a comparably young nation. Abraham Lincoln best stated it in the Gettysburg Address, saying, “But in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate,...

New York: In what appears to be a crushing blow, Howard Dean body slammed Rush Limbaugh on Meet The Press, putting Limbaugh in his place and placing the final nail in his coffin. The remarks came Sunday, May 22, 2005, in an hour long interview with Tim Russert. Dean pulled out all the stops, leaving his place in history with such names as Lenin, Marx and Krushchev. In one of his comments to Russert, Dean said, “It is galling to be lectured about moral values by folks who have their own problems. I’m giving them a little taste of their...

Washington, D.C. — A long awaited and embittered showdown over changing rules to stop Democratic filibusters was delivered a crushing blow on Tuesday, May 10, 2005, when several federal judges said they vowed to filibuster congress over judicial nominees. The statements came just hours after Frist’s press conference on the Senate. In an Associated Press article on Tuesday, Frist blasted away at the Senate. “I hope the Senate finishes a highway bill and an emergency spending package to fund military operations overseas this week. And then we need to turn to 100 United States senators and move to the issue...

Fresno—In a joyous revelation, Laura Bush created Free Republic’s very own version of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, causing the death of the coupe de grace of the coupe de tat. It appeared that posters—known as Freepers—were bickering so much about Laura Bush’s jokes in Washington that they resorted to cannibalism, dismemberment and decapitation of each other in defense of their position on the first lady’s comments. The posts on the forum reportedly became so hostile that Jim Robinson, the bigoted owner of the site, was forced to pull one of the threads, leaving a lone thread for the carnage...

New York—In a stunning development that’s sure to rock the foundations of the White House, Counterjab has learned that CBS is going to air a special on the year anniversary of Abu Ghraib. The 3-hour special, Abu Ghraib: Secrets Revealed, will debut on Sunday, May 1, 2005, at 8 p.m. EST. It is reportedly a documentary, deeply probing the atrocities committed on innocent terrorists by the militant, warmongering U.S. Army soldiers that occupied the chambers of torture, as well as individual testimony from some of those that endured the wrath of Rumsfeld. “While many Americans would like to believe that...

Free Republic and the “Amen Corner” are at it again. They’re preaching fire and brimstone, maliciously misinterpreting the judicial filibuster. Their extreme, fundamentalist, right-wing behavior is leading to the downfall of this once great country, America. Their ignorant resolve is ruining this nation through their attacks on ‘Justice Sunday’ while stamping a cross over the Constitution, leaving us little choice but to stand up and fight a Holy Roller war. Nevertheless, Robinson and his “Amen Corner” are still going at it, hammering away as if they have nothing to lose but their dignity. Even more disgusting, Jim Robinson, the “Apostle...

Washington — In an embittered and highly contested vote, Democrats—along with a few Republicans lawmakers—voted to deport Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, R-CA. In his bigoted speech to the Newspaper Association of America last week, Schwarzenegger claims to have misspoken after using ill-advised, typically conservative, racist comments. “It’s a federal issue,” Schwarzenegger said. “And the only thing I can say and add to this is, really, close the borders. Close the borders in California, and all across Mexico and the United States.” Critics pounced, stabbing him in the back and kicking him while he’s down, and Schwarzenegger apologized the next day. He...

In a sudden reversal of fortune, Rush Limbaugh blew it for all conservatives by using the word “blow job” in his April 12, 2005 show. In a fit of passion, he cracked under the strain while ranting about liberals and spineless Republicans. Politicians and pundits across America raced to the phone to give Counterjab a comment and stab Limbaugh in the back. “I think this is beyond reproach,” said Harry Reid. “For a man to be one of the leading conservatives and a spokesman for values in America, it’s time we hold his feet to the fire. That’s what we’d...

There can be no mistake: Rush Limbaugh is to blame for everything! He single-handedly influences up to 20 million listeners, sitting behind the “Golden EIB” microphone, scoffing at liberalism and promoting his right wing agenda. He brandishes his Cuban cigars and attacks the left wing with common sense. Even worse, he's right a disgustingly 98.5% of the time. When will the tyranny end? When where there be peace in our socialist utopia? Limbaugh is at fault for everything right in the world. His bold assertions create grass roots activism, and encourage independent thinking. So, we’ve created a list of 35...

Jim Robinson and the “Swastika Brigade”—known as Free Republic—are at it again. They’re calling it the March for Justice II. I call it the March for Tyranny II! It’s nothing more than thuggish behavior from conservatives bent on crushing democracy. It’s a travesty. It’s downright despicable of these slow-witted, mind-numbed robots! That’s right! On April 7, 2005 in Washington, D.C., a group of fringe right-wingers will practice their screeching, referred to as “dissent.” But this isn’t the first time this type of tyranny has happened. Jim Robinson has pulled these kinds of shenanigans before. In fact, during the reign of...

Jim Robinson and the “Swastika Brigade”—known as Free Republic—are at it again. They’re calling it the March for Justice II. I call it the March for Tyranny II! It’s nothing more than thuggish behavior from conservatives bent on crushing democracy. It’s a travesty. It’s downright despicable of these slow-witted, mind-numbed robots! That’s right! On April 7, 2005 in Washington, D.C., a group of fringe right-wingers will practice their screeching, referred to as “dissent.” But this isn’t the first time this type of tyranny has happened. Jim Robinson has pulled these kinds of shenanigans before. In fact, during the reign of...

Liberals are fighting mad! We’ve had it up to here with President Bush, Karl Rove, Vice President Cheney and the Halliburton oligarchy! This has to stop here and now! The liberals of the world must unite against the fascism and tyranny that is ruining the country once known as America. There was once a chance for peace in the world, but Bill Clinton has faded into obscurity. Now, we must put up with this hick President from the Redneck State of Texas—a state that has executed more people than any other state since 1976. It appears they love to punish...

I am pasting in a link for my next fiction book, In Defense of Liberty, being released Tuesday, March 1, 2005 in trade paperback, better known as soft cover. It is conservative fiction and a political thriller. At the link, you can read a sample chapter and short synopsis of the book. The book fees are structured to accommodate gender and minority status. I fully believe in diversity at all levels within society and with the deepest of sympathies, I am merely trying to reach out. The book costs are as follows: Hispanics: $5.00 for signed copy. (I have to...