For Advent: The Treasure of Singleness

Exactly! I never understood why women fall for that. The first time a married man hit on me, I was only 14. Even at that age, I knew enough to tell him to get lost.

When I was 18 or 19, my then-boyfriend would play baseball with his married coworkers. Their wives sometimes brought their children to watch them play. The wives chatted with each other the way devoted wives chat - about family life and raising children. With the wives around, the men behaved like good family men.

But, when the wives weren’t around, I’d hear their husbands talk to each other. And that was a whole different story. ;-) Once they were talking about traveling on business to Japan, and one guy said to the others: “They say not to bring your wife. It’s like bringing a sandwich to a smorgasbord.” :-0 And he was serious. Another time one of them sat next to me when my boyfriend was on the field, and he said, “You know, if you ever want a ride here, I can come and pick you up. You know what I mean? You know what I mean, right?” :-0 All I could think about was, “Their poor wives... I never want to get married.” But then, years later, I did get married to someone I was convinced would never cheat. Probably just as convinced as those other wives were oh-so-many years ago. LOL.

I’ve been single. I’ve been married. I’ve been widowed. I am now remarried, thank you Lord.

Unless you’ve taken your vows, singleness is to be endured, not celebrated.

I outlived one wife. I pray to God my new wife outlives me.

Thank you for giving me hope that there is life after being widowered.

The bible clearly lays out that most people were designed to be married. God designed us to need a mate.

As someone who was married and is now widowered, I have to say that being single is just a short ways away from hell.

The problem with the church today (Not just the Catholic church but every Christian church that I am familiar with) is that it provides NO support whatsoever to the single believer.

We hear a lot of "serve God in whatever place you are" and "thank God for your singleness"

But we never hear "I've got someone I'd like you to meet". Nor does the church (in general again) arrange opportunities for the singles to meet and greet.

And heaven help you if you approach more than one woman in a year's time. You get labeled a "player" and pretty much shunned.

I can serve God where I am but I am a far better servant when I'm not having to fight my nature to look at every women who comes into the church building and seeing if she is a fit for me.

And the church leaders wonder why they are losing so many men, especially single men who were once married. Most men who get divorced or widowered leave the church. Why? Because we can't find a new wife in the church and are sometimes ridiculed if we even try to look for one.

We are apparently expected to live out the rest of our days (well over 50 years expected lifetime for me) alone and lonely.

So we are to "thank God" for this curse of being alone? If your son asks for a fish are you going to give him a scorpion? I don't believe God would do that. (Yes I realize we are to be thankful no matter what our circumstances, but that's not how the "thank God for your singleness" barb comes across)

I've been alone 9 years now and have been looking for at least 7 of those. Trying to be a good Christian and stay within the bounds of the faith for my new wife, but I'm getting absolutely no help from the entire Christian community. I've had 2 dates in the whole 7 years and only one introduction.

I may as well just go to the bars.

(Please note that I am relatively good looking, I am 6'1", 220 lbs (I put about 7 on over the holidays), I work out and am very active (And I do have good personal hygiene). I am financially prosperous and was (by everyone's testimony) an excellent husband to my late wife. So it's not like I weigh 400 lbs and sit around unemployed in sweats all day long)

I’ve been there. There’s little sympathy for widowers as opposed to widows. “Why weren’t you able to save her?” I have heard by way of consolation. Widowers are socially radioactive.

The Catholic Church esteems singleness (priests, nuns) above the married state. They almost expect the widowed to enter a monastery.

I was blessed; an Army colleague whom I had known professionally for years suddenly became an attractive woman interested in marriage (same exact age as my first wife).

I pray that you find a new spouse. The smug advice of those still married doesn’t help. Don’t know what to say except yours is the most honest reply to this thread. Best of luck.

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