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For Advent: The Treasure of Singleness
CE.com ^ | na | Tyler Blanski

Posted on 12/10/2014 8:51:12 PM PST by Salvation

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To: OrangeHoof
My brother was single well into his forties though he did have a female companion who accompanied him for dinners etc. for most of that time.

They were great friends but never romantic with one another....he decided not to pursue that as he enjoyed and valued her company so much.

A medical emergency happened to him and from that his companion was shaken over the possiblity of loosing Him...she said it was like the Lord opened her heart and all this love for my brother flowed in.

She poured her heart out in a letter to him, which he assumed was her standard thank you card.....reading it as he was driving out of town. ...He was soooo stunned he had to get off the road to see more clearly and realize the words he had never expected to hear were there in front of him......I love when they share this story and never tire hearing it.

I was LOLROTF when you mentioned... "advantages"..... though I'm a gal I know exactly what your speaking of though from a gals point of view!.... I've been single longer than I was married and know the difference quite well. For me this works better I think.

21 posted on 12/10/2014 10:19:11 PM PST by caww
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To: caww

I agree; to be honest, being alone is a time to make choices and grow in ways that we don’t when we are attached. I’m single and chaste for a full decade now and I realize that if I had not stayed single and chaste I would not have matured and learned the lessons that I’ve needed to learn.


22 posted on 12/10/2014 10:22:36 PM PST by CorporateStepsister (I am NOT going to force a man to make my dreams come true)
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To: Salvation

I couldn’t relate to this woman’s story very much as it seemed more depressing then living life...though I do have reflection times it’s rare about being single if at all.

Her frame is similar to my own but I can certainly relate to her posture after too long hanging out on the computer! And trust me there are no leaves drifting across it! LOLlolol.

I would guess though that there are those who do suffer the pains of lonliness....still.....I have also know married people ‘who suffer worse’ being alone in dysfunctional marriages...they have no escape without ending the marriage itself. Where if you are single you can always leave your home and do something interesting.

Interesting read I have to say....thanks fo posting it.


23 posted on 12/10/2014 10:27:03 PM PST by caww
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To: CorporateStepsister

I think God knew what he was saying when he mentions times and seasons....there is a time for everything under heaven. This has been my time for singleness, and you are quite right ther

I married my highschool sweetheart so I never really knew singleness at all.....you can imagine what it was for me adjusting to being single. I recall my first “date”...a wonderful man but I had no clue how to date, what to expect how to handle when he walked me to my door. So I shook his hand with a thank you....once inside I said out loud.....”Remind me never to do this again!” LOL It was nerve wrecking!

But again it is very different and harder for men to make such an adjustment of being or remaining single I think. God did say “it’s not good for man to be alone”....though I do think some are suited for that, but on the whole it seems to fair better for woman.


24 posted on 12/10/2014 10:47:06 PM PST by caww
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To: caww

Women are more self reliant than they’re given credit for. Men are in fact more dependent on women.


25 posted on 12/10/2014 10:59:57 PM PST by CorporateStepsister (I am NOT going to force a man to make my dreams come true)
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To: OrangeHoof
Your post was beautiful and very touching: a special companion in Heaven, I never thought of that. It can be lonely sometimes. I've heard terms like "Unclaimed Treasure," "Unwanted Heart"- always something with an "un" in there, suggesting something incomplete. Next time I feel that way, I'll remind myself of what you said, and smile - as I'm doing now... God bless you!
26 posted on 12/10/2014 11:29:13 PM PST by Grateful2God (preastat fides supplementum sensuum defectui)
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To: OrangeHoof

I have a brother who’s a lifelong bachelor in his 40’s. He’s had many girlfriends, but he’s never settled down. He’s happy, though, probably much happier than his married friends, all of whom cheat.

It’s funny how, mostly for men, the grass is always greener... Many married men seem to wish they were single. Some singles wish they were married. (I’m not a guy myself. Just basing that observation on what men have told me.)


27 posted on 12/10/2014 11:38:41 PM PST by Tired of Taxes
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To: fieldmarshaldj

“I am quite familiar with the subject of abandonment, having been formerly engaged.”
_________________________________________

I am so sorry about the loss of your engagement. Abandonment, whether before or after taking vows, is cruel. Well, at least painful.


28 posted on 12/10/2014 11:38:41 PM PST by proud American in Canada
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To: OrangeHoof; fieldmarshaldj; All

OrangeHoof, please don’t give up on life.

You will find someone. My grandfather remarried after his wife (my grandmother) died. My step-grandmother was a devout Catholic and was 70 when she married my grandfather. It was her first marriage, and he joined her in the Catholic faith.

Just make up a great t-shirt with your awesome tagline...and you are bound to make people laugh (I hope; it probably depends on where you live! i.e., hope you’re not surrounded by libs!)

Go to some conservative gathering with a bunch of those t-shirts, or put the slogan on coffee mugs and sell them at a mall, all with Christmas colors (better hurry!) and who knows?! Clarence might just help you out...... :)

Seriously, everyone... at the loneliest point in my life, I saw “It’s a Wonderful Life” for the first time... I have watched it every year since.

We all have to have faith.

Take care, everyone... Don’t give up!

And please, let us know how it goes, OrangeHoof! :)


29 posted on 12/10/2014 11:52:59 PM PST by proud American in Canada
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To: proud American in Canada

Many people don’t like being alone, but some of us actually do. I enjoyed living independently when I was young. I even traveled alone. Later, I did marry. I tried to make the marriage work, even though I found out he couldn’t be trusted. After 19 years, the marriage ended. I feel bad for my sons, and I regret wasting my younger years on someone who lied and cheated. But there’s a freedom in being single now - the freedom to make my own decisions. I’m looking forward to the future and hoping it brings good health and a career.

I don’t know what your situation is, but I hope everything works out for you, too. God bless!


30 posted on 12/10/2014 11:54:59 PM PST by Tired of Taxes
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To: Tired of Taxes

I don’t know what your situation is, but I hope everything works out for you, too. God bless!

____________________________________________

You too! It is way beyond late for me, so I need to get to bed; I couldn’t sleep but got caught up in this thread; I feel like there’s a web of people, all of us, connected briefly because of compassion for each other, which in itself is a gift.

I’ve seen your screen name before (who could forget such a perfect name! LOL!) and hope to talk to you again.

It sounds like things are looking up for you, and I’m glad—take care. :)


31 posted on 12/11/2014 12:04:34 AM PST by proud American in Canada
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To: CorporateStepsister

I think it goes fruther than even that.....they’re designed to be ‘complete’ with a wife.

For want of saying this in a better way....God took Adam’s Rib and “formed” woman, called such because she was taken from man..... I often wonder if man’s deep desire for woman ‘companionship’ comes from the idea that when he is with her he feels complete again.

When male friends and family members speak of meeting the one they marry...it is not uncommon they do say “she completes” me.

I noted with my sons growing up how diferrently they spoke of the women they would marry over that of the other girls they had dated as they spoke about them. There was a marked change in their tone as they spoke, how they defined them etc. I knew in both that they were going to end up marrying these woman before I met them and before they announced so.

So there’s something rather “mysterious” about how a man loves a woman and his desire for her which I don’t think woman have for men.....and it’s very deep and powerful, and why a breakup or divorce or death shatters men so. They are truly broken souls for quite sometime.


32 posted on 12/11/2014 12:52:42 AM PST by caww
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To: OrangeHoof

Thank you for writing this.


33 posted on 12/11/2014 1:53:27 AM PST by yldstrk (My heroes have always been cowboys)
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To: caww

Women can grieve also when they lose the men they love, but then again, the big factor is being able to have a support system.


34 posted on 12/11/2014 2:39:16 AM PST by Biggirl (2014 MIdterms Were BOTH A Giant Wave And Restraining Order)
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To: CorporateStepsister

It is true, but even so, it was never easy after I had lost the man I have loved for 21 years.


35 posted on 12/11/2014 2:41:09 AM PST by Biggirl (2014 MIdterms Were BOTH A Giant Wave And Restraining Order)
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To: Salvation

I pulled up a larger image to look more closely - there’s more (along the lines of the theme):
- notice the coat-of-arms, with what appears to be a knight’s helm. It’s proximity to her head suggests she, at times maybe, “thinks” about having a man in her life, but notice too where she’s looking. Away, “but”, so is the knight! They’re both looking at the spiritual representation.
- also, there is a suggestive, I think subliminal reference to sex, where the line in the glass (”from” the knight) descends to intersect with the line (of her belt or sash?), hidden, not prurient, but most definitely pointing to her “womanhood”.

Nice painting, but (sorry to buzzkill, it’s just the truth, or “part” of the picture) - the painter married his colleague’s wife, who had her marriage annulled to said colleague on the grounds of non-consummation.
They went on to have 8 kids.
I can’t say exactly, yet there does seem to be some lingering doubt about the artist’s experience of ‘waiting’ or ‘patience’ in his lifestory...

Instead of hating singleness, should we not embrace the path God has set our feet upon? I mean, I’ve studied in the Bible the reasons for pain; refined by a fire...other examples, but the one purpose I am told - that sticks out to me, is to work PATIENCE in my life...
There you go - “Waiting is hard.”

Sorry for the length - no more coffee, ha! - I feel some of the other posters’ comments, I think
- it’s better to be alone and single, than to be married and lonely. So sad for you there.
- this has helped me, it is lovely; called “How To Be Alone”:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs

I have had to learn hard lessons. Unlearn false things. The “you complete me”-thing...yeah, Ironman...Hollyweird...Disney

How about: “I complete me” (with Jesus, doing my imperfect best)? I like to think that I can bring my however imperfect “best” into a relationship for building-up, for sharing,
NOT dependence (the need of some “other” for completion).

...just some coffee-fueled 2cents ;)


36 posted on 12/11/2014 4:34:50 AM PST by spankalib ("I freed a thousand slaves. I could have freed a thousand more if only they knew they were slaves.")
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To: proud American in Canada
I was 43 before I married. It was a long haul through my 20's and 30's wanting to be married and have children and never finding the right man. My friends became mommies and I attended the parties and watched as my nephew and nieces grew.

But through the Church i found a purpose. I discerned that I was not supposed to be a religious, so where did that leave me? Well I volunteered. I did Bible School, youth group, taught religious ed. I was a lector, a Eucharistic Minister to the sick and shut ins. I ran to the hospital to sit with friends and parishioners. I assisted the priests when they needed help.

My life was set. I embraced being single. Loved it. Gave up on dating and just really concentrated on building a life centered on Church, family and friends.

So what did God decide should happen? I met the man that I was to marry. I met him here on Free Republic of all places. I had to move and we have moved once more since then. The Church does not seem the same to me as it did back before I was married. But it's not that it changed, I changed.

To your point. I thought marriage would be wonderful. Well it can be sometimes. But I also often feel lonely. My husband is not Catholic.not that it would matter if he was. It has nothing to do with that. I think what I am working on is re finding myself in the context of now being a married person. In some ways the same way I had to embrace my singleness before.

I also understand how difficult it is to enter Parish life when you don't have kids. Most Catholics meet because of the kids. But this is what I have done and it makes all the difference. Join a woman's Bible study or club at Church if you can. It will let you meet some women and you will feel more connected. If that is not an option for you, do to other commitments, try going to Mass during the week.

Try St. Rita of Cascia. When I get lonely I call upon the Saints, the Blessed Mother, the Bible and of course Jesus. He's there. Tell him you need to feel him. (Notice to all would be detractors, I don't care what you think).

37 posted on 12/11/2014 4:50:28 AM PST by defconw (If not now, WHEN?)
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To: caww
I am sorry about your husband. I truly do understand what you are saying. I was single for a long time, now I am married but there is no guarantee on how long I will have him here with me physically.

I always thought marriage will fix everything. Well no it doesn't.

Married or not, we were born alone and we shall die alone, in the sense that we are a singular person. Yet we know because of Jesus Christ and all the Saints we are never truly alone. God is with us always if we let Him in.

In some ways I think that I miss my alone time with God. Our funny inside jokes that we shared. It seemed when I was single I had more time for Him, and Him alone. Not that He has changed, it's just that He has given me a man to love now. God is still there, it's just a different relationship for now.

My grandmother was a widow for most of my life and she had this quiet relationship with God, she knew one day in His kingdom she would be united with her husband again. I guess she set a good example for me.

There truly are seasons to life and as we go through these seasons, some are dark and lonely and some are fulfilling and beautiful. But we can not appreciate joy if we have never experienced sorrow.

38 posted on 12/11/2014 5:06:25 AM PST by defconw (If not now, WHEN?)
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To: defconw

It helps if you come from a large family too. So many nieces and nephews that seem like my kids! And caring for an elderly parent...no time to be lonely. And stray cats find me irresistable! I feel blessed.


39 posted on 12/11/2014 5:11:30 AM PST by NewCenturions
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To: NewCenturions
We all have our purpose for being here. I guess the "trick" is to embrace that role, whatever it might be. As a cat lover, I say Thank You for taking care of all those strays. They need love as well.

When I was a kid the Sisters told us that there was a cat in the stable when Jesus was born. That the Blessed Mother kissed the cats' head and that is why most cats have a M on their foreheads. Now to the Pharisees among you, of course I know not every single flipping cat in the world has a M on their forehead, but most tabby's do. I still to this day check a cats head for that M! :)

40 posted on 12/11/2014 5:52:48 AM PST by defconw (If not now, WHEN?)
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