A woman's lament: Please don't grow an effing beard

CNN ^ | August 13, 2018 | Holly Thomas

[ding_dong_daddy_from_dumas]

It's tempting to think of the beard as a kind of "return to our ancestral roots" (ironic), but it's not quite as simple as that. Don't kid yourself, hairy paleo diet dude who just can't squeeze a shave between CrossFit sessions. Cavemen plucked their beards with clam shells, Little Mermaid-style, exhibiting a degree of care and attention that so many men today seem happy to dismiss. Men throughout the ages have oscillated between beard-having and not-having, from Alexander the Great's shaven soldiers, to the bushy-chinned Victorians.
If the men in my life are anything to go by, there are several stages to a man's beard-having. The first is Beard Anticipation. "I think," he says, caressing his chin thoughtfully, "I might grow a beard." To be honest, I reckon this is actually the second stage. He's already decided to do it, and now he's canvassing opinion. In every instance, I respond with sensitivity (mine): "Please don't grow an effing beard."

[ro_dreaming]

I’m a nerd.

I’m almost 50.

I have a prototypical “dad-bod”. I am 5’11”, and 250. I carry the extra weight as a spare tire, and my chin/neck.

I have a beard to hide the 2nd - 4th chins.

Also, when I shave the beard off, I lose about 15 - 20 years.

[KittyKares]

Generally speaking, I think a beard looks quite handsome on a man. But the final proof is in how it looks on an individual. If it makes him look like a bum or a devil worshiper, bring out the scissors and do some shaping! But the vast majority are very attractive. I don’t know why the columnist is so against beards. She probably hates chest hair on men, too.

[CodeToad]

“If a woman requires a man shave his beard then can he ask the woman get a brazilian? Fair is fair to me.”

I guess if your pecker is on your face it is, but that’d make you a peckerhead.

[Mr Rogers]

I’d like to grow a beard, but it doesn’t work. I grow brillo pads. They could then use my face to scrape clean steel pots.

The “I’ve had 4 days of growth for 27 weeks now” look makes me want to beat the hell out of them. Unfortunately, I’m a polite guy. Might make an exception for that liberal Hollywood guy who likes to masturbate in front of women...

[cyclotic]

My brother is like that. I’ not sure his wife has ever seen him without a beard.

I change it up once in a while but never let it grow long. I prefer short and trim it back to about 3/16” every week or two.

Then I shave it off.

I have never done as the writer suggested and stroked my face and asked if I could grow a beard.

Either I’m not real introspective, or I’m just a normal man. Oh wait, that’s redundant.

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

Some guys look awesome with stubble.

Have to disagree at least in my opinion. A guy's face that looks like the bottom end of a carpet sweeper just looks unkempt.

[TigersEye]

I guess I beat the trend setters. Last time I shaved was in 1979.

[Jamestown1630]

LOL!

One thing my husband does that I don’t like - when we met he had longer hair, and with his beard at that time looked a little like a young D. H. Lawrence. A few years later, he started shaving it so short it’s hardly there.

But, he’s comfortable and likes it.

[Yo-Yo]

Billy Gibbons, is that you?!? Loved your work on Eliminator btw.

[TigersEye]

I didn’t say that I never trimmed it. :)>

[Deplorable American1776]

I don’t have a beard, but I think it isn’t for me. I had one when I was younger. It looked funny on me.

[Chickensoup]

what is an operator in this context?

[DungeonMaster]

Facial hair on men is a constant reminder to feminists that they are just girls.

[VaeVictis]

This is from the same author that said back in June “some women have penises.” She doesn’t want men to be manly and to her, some women are men.

*Bias disclosure: I’ve had a full face beard for many years now, lol.

[Jamestown1630]

You know, styles come and go. When I was young, exaggerated sideburns were popular. They look odd in retrospect, but seemed very stylish back then. I guess there are young women now who think the bushy-beard baseball players are cool.

[mad_as_he$$]

Typically a tier one Special Forces soldier/sailor. SEALs, Delta etc.

[AuH2ORepublican]

“Some men who have small/weak chins grow a beard to cover that...”

---

Who was the Civil War general that grew a beard to hide the fact that he had almost no chin of which to speak? J.E.B. Stuart? Stonewall Jackson? I’m pretty sure that it was a CSA general.

[Chickensoup]

thank you

[JBW1949]

I didn’t know about that, but it sounds right...

[mad_as_he$$]

No problem.