Posted on 05/29/2018 5:46:43 AM PDT by Cronos
Tbowling alley in my small town in central Pennsylvania. An older man bought me a beer and talked to me while he shot pool. Smoking and drinking in that grungy bowling-alley bar in the seediest part of town, I felt cosmopolitan and mature. I was oblivious to the transaction taking place: by drinking his beer, I was entering into an implicit and unwritten contract in which I was expected to fulfill a sexual obligation. One of my more astute and experienced friends told the man that I had a boyfriend and had no intention of being intimate with him. He became irate and threw a lit cigarette into my hair as I left the bar. I went home scared and confused as to why my acceptance of a beer and friendly conversation had gotten me into a terrifying mess.
What I learned that day is that attention from unfamiliar men is implicitly transactional, and a failure to pay the price can result in some traumatic consequence. I admit that on this point, I have been proven wrong repeatedly over time. But I have also had enough disturbing experiences that every male stranger is suspect. It’s always possible that I am going to be expected to acknowledge a tacit, unwritten contract and obey its terms and conditions. It’s a contract only a man can create, and sometimes it feels like only a man can break it. Women are expected to sign on the dotted line.. ...
(Excerpt) Read more at theguardian.com ...
That works with panhandlers too, but some get nasty.
The two are not mutual exclusive. You would be hard pressed to find a situation were a man bought a drink for a woman that was not paid for by his loins.
Being a jerk to a woman is a fantastic tool to use to bring the other tool in play.
What? No picture of the author in this thread?
Most of my drinking was in private clubs. Most would buy a round as soon as they got in the door.
Women want their cake and eat it too. They are a ball of confusing contradictions.
My teenage daughter knows not to take drinks from a stranger, like she knew not to take candy from one. Men have “negotiated affection” since the dawn of time, and women have caged free drinks for as long. DON’T ACCEPT FREE DRINKS. STAY OUT OF DIVES. If you are a scared little bunny, don’t hang around wolves. It is unfair and unrealistic to blame wolves for being wolves if you insist on going INTO their den and basting yourself with marinade. Get and learn how to safely use a pistol. I am sorry that the modern age has so rejected and belittled chivalry that you can no longer find it, it what did you expect would happen?
And hornier? Most likely.
Lol
Yep.
Basically she is offended that God made men the way he did.
I look at it this way: God made humans in two types. One type wants to “violate” the barrier of the body of the other type. That is, to insert himself inside that other body. His desire to do so is necessary for the species to survive so this desire is extremely constant and, actually, is usually consciously suppressed.
The other type wants the other type to “violate” their body. However, the event can happen even if they don’t desire it (or even want it).
Members of the latter group are served well when they understand the design and functional parameters within which the brain of the former group functions. The two groups interpret actions and events differently. If you accept a free drink from a man, he reasonably sees it as you being interested in allowing him to “violate” the barrier of your body. The barrier is down. i.e. if you don’t want to lead a man on, DO NOT accept free drinks from men you don’t know. Most civilized men will be gracious about it and even deny that that is their motive, but others won’t. And this article is about the others.
Just another “men bad, women good* straw man.
Some guys have that expectation.
It is also an expectation by some if you go out on a date that you are going to have sex with them at the end. If you decline things can get pretty unpleasant.
This is the kind of thing taught by Hollywood and the schools. Sex is as meaningless as a hand shake so any time someone asks you for sex you should comply.
Otherwise you are a frigid prude who is submitting to the patriarchy.
I make them buy me beers,, then we can talk..
nothing worse than a pw-man ..
It’s wonderful to hear a man say something like that.
The original article was in Oregon Humanities. Author’s photo included, as well as a few incisive comments.
https://oregonhumanities.org/rll/magazine/owe-spring-2018/its-just-a-beer-kira-smith/
“Kira Smith is a social worker, activist, graduate student, and writer from Boalsburg, Pennsylvania, who moved to Portland in 2014 to pursue her graduate studies in geography. While Kira primarily writes about and researches environmental issues in Oregon, she also writes about feminism and politics.”
Yeah...it’s BS as to the parts about a guy flicking lit cigarettes, etc. Most men get embarrassed when they’re rejected, not violent IMO. If this broad was hanging out with beligerent (sp.) drunks she reaps what she sows!
Exactly right
I have two thoughts after reading that.
First, of course she felt uncomfortable putting herself into the #metoo fight. She had a normal life and got hit on. Once or twice the guy physically pursued her or got a little violent. But she wasn’t harassed by her boss as a condition of employ. She wasn’t raped. She wasn’t abused as a minor by an adult. So she had more of a normal life. #metoo is for women who really were abused sexually.
Second, is this my clue how some men enjoy rape? Because there sure are a lot of stories of men clearly wanting to have sex with someone they meet who doesn’t want them. How is it a turn on to fornicate with the truly unwilling? I know how wardaddy feels about this, but why are there so many men who still can enjoy sex with the unwilling? What is desirable about that? Yeah, you can feel powerful like a cat with a mouse. But how do you get literally turned on by it? I find that difference between men and women quite unsettling.
That depends. If by accepting a drink she's guaranteeing that she's open to having sex, that evening, maybe, depending on how interesting the man proves himself, I never knew that. Apparently I either (1) missed out on a lot of sex because I was naive, or (2) was nowhere near as interesting as I imagined. Perhaps both?
If by accepting a drink she's saying she's open to having sex, eventually, on a timeline that could be anywhere from that evening to perhaps if the drink starts a relationship that over time (many months, not just minutes) leads to deciding the man is interesting enough for marriage, that's what I thought accepting a drink meant.
Is this woman completely clueless as to why a man would give something to an unknown woman for free?
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