Estrangement

I had to check to see if Dennis Prager had written this. He delivered a sermon on just this subject that was so heartfelt, at Yom Kippur. He must know someone who is estranged from a parent or something. It does seem to be one of the worst things, if the people involved are not foul or criminal.

I pray my kids never do it to me. We all have to attempt to respect differences, as hard as it can be.

I don’t miss my in-laws at all. I encouraged my husband to re-establish contact and form a relationship (that didn’t include me) and he finally did so a few years ago. I thought it was important for his emotional health to give it another shot. The kids never had a relationship with them because the in-laws didn’t care and now that the kids are grown, the kids don’t care.

We’re close with my immediate family and extended family and we all miss my parents who were the best.

My family. My grandparents on my fathers side were from Sicily. My grandfather died second and the family (my father, two uncles and an aunt) were at the house after the burial. There was an argument.

My grandfather was 92 when he died and probably suffering from alzheimers or other dementia. He actually died from malnutrition in the hospital. He thought people were trying to poison him for his money (about 5,000 in safe in his bedroom. My grandparents didn’t trust banks). He also had a miner pension which ended when he died. My father went there for a month every year after he retired. My grandfather was fed by my cousins and then sums and he still was paranoid.

My aunt came from NJ and took care of him for the last 5 months. She had him change his will (competency unknown). My father was the oldest male and older than my aunt. He didn’t find out about the will till the funeral and he was very angry. In the tradition the oldest male decides who gets what. My aunt said she took care of him and was entitled. Of course my father made his annual trips. The small house in WV was worth 11,000 and there was the 5,000. She took it all. Divide by 4 and you see it’s just a little amount.

My father said he would never talk to my aunt again and he didn’t nor did his brothers. When the middle brother went into the hospital, where he eventually died, he told his wife ands children to not tell his sister he was dying or that he did die. As far as I know they didn’t.

Since then for some reason the aunt’s son my cousin won’t talk to me. WTF! Sicilians till death and beyond.

I just spent the day with my trump hating relatives and had a wonderful time. Politics didn’t come up. It’s possible.

Indeed it is possible. Even if politics do come up. The approach I take is non-combative. I try to subtly win them over instead of getting angry and calling them names, etc. Though I admit I am sometimes tempted to!

With regard to Trump, I like to ask them questions and pull out why they "hate" Trump so much. Almost always, it's because they have bought into what the mainstream media and Democrats have to say about him. I then try to draw out the specifics and allow them to discover the weaknesses of the arguments on their own.

It is human nature to never want to admit you are wrong. So if they are forced to defend their beliefs, they will stick with their flawed beliefs to the bitter end. This, you do not want. Instead, I thank them for their opinion and tell them I respect it while letting them figure it out on their own. That way, they are allowed to save face if they do come around. Most importantly, I will never be one of those preachy and insufferable "I told you so" type of people.

Getting back to the general topic, there are certain family members I do not proactively associate with. Usually because they are negative people who resent my success and want to bring me down to their level. However, I will never shun them or give them "silent treatment" at family functions. I am always holding out hope for their redemption. But life is too short to be miserable. It's not about hate or revenge with me. I simply like to preserve a positive environment and so I only surround myself with friends and positive people.

Yes. I don’t go as far as you. I am outnumbered and they feel probably quite socially superior to me, all being successful etc. So I just stay quiet as far as politics are concerned. But like you, if I am ever in a one on one with someone who cares to know my opinion, I try and expand their blinded minds by explaining how my opinions come from a deep desire for freedom for all as enumerated in our founding documents.

Like you, I don’t preach, I just share what I believe and it stuns them that I am for freedom for everyone, not the racist xenophobe they were told we each are. They are then, like your relatives, forced to defend their weak position. But mostly I just shut up.

And how true, that later on there are many times we could say I told you so but we choose not to. Heh heh. I had a bunch of relatives tell me they were for John Edwards. I mentioned his sex, baby, dying wife scandal and they all didn’t believe me. At the time. Lol.

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