Posted on 12/16/2017 9:18:08 PM PST by Kaslin
Mostly I agree, but some relationships are so toxic that distance be from disorder is called for.
In all likelihood, estrangements are not the result of some recent, one-time incident, but rather can be traced back to grievances from decades earlier and/or to lengthy patterns of misbehavior. Thus, you - as an outsider - might regard some relatively trivial event as the "cause" - when in actual fact the relationship may have been dysfunctional from the get-go, with only the superficial optics of civility masking a deeply distorted relationship.
Once when he was in college he cut off communication for a couple days (which with my son and I me is an eternity.)
Regards,
his whole theory would be crushed if he met my 90 yro FIL....who says everyone has some good inside?
Thus invalidating his entire point.
Apparently, ignorance of specific detail entitles the author to make blanket judgement on his approval of estrangement.
bttt
Narcissistic relatives *enjoy* destroying relationships and hurting you. Worse, they are almost always Democrats. lol. Life is too short to let narcissists cause unending trouble.
__________
Yep. Been there and had it done to me. It is still too painful, after 20+ years, to iterate and reiterate all the occurrences, but, suffice to say my husband noticed the glee with which a sibling took my plea for family as a mandate to deny me all contact. With my mother, it took a blunt form:”I don’t care what is happening in your life.” Followed by a detailed description of how to interact with her, no deviations allowed.
I left open doors through which no one walked. All of this took place after my father died. Neither of them would have behaved as they have when he was alive. I discovered that, while he was still alive, he told my mother everything was her fault. It’s some comfort.
Politics? Right on. The major excuse? Disagreement or even mild questioning on my part equaled catastrophic *embarrassment* on theirs and they could never handle something as *toxic* as embarrassment. Was I in their face? I am the world’s least confrontational person. But there comes a time when avoidance of confrontation is self-destructive. I had it pointed out to me that it didn’t matter which side of a discussion I supported. Whatever I said was automatically a make it or break it issue. I tested this thesis over a 10-year period and it held up to analysis.
Would I accept an overture from the sibling? Sure, but I can’t forget decades of attacks, lies and self-righteousness. You can’t go home again is true, in my case.
I went silent on my MIL for several weeks when she decided “we have to give that nice young black man a chance” back in ‘08. I guess she was 88. If she had been an idiotic life-long lib I could have brushed it off, but she knew better. I’m a bad person, I guess.
2 Tim. 3, in the last days men will become irreconcilable.
Children play hot potato with the elderly in the family trying to get out from helping out.
yup. but he needed a column that week to keep eating.
That’s funny!!! Did she finally realize that that “nice young black man” was a detriment to us and our country?
Yep.
You notice it is all her fault in the author's mind?
I have a family member I refuse to communicate with. If I want to be insulted repeatedly I will turn on CNN.
There comes a time in your life sometimes when you have to say, "I will no longer be your target."
Would I hang up on him if he called me? No - nor do I think he would hang up on me. Will I call him first? No, nor will he call me first.
"Estrangement" can mean many different things. An irrational anger over one incident, such as the author mentions, is probably unnecessary. But a forced relationship when there is no common ground at all is also unnecessary.
“Did she finally realize that that “nice young black man” was a detriment to us and our country?”
Nope. She died in 2015 and had no problem with Hussein. Ugh! She was upset when we left SoCal for TN in 2010 because we wouldn’t be there to help her. We told her that because HER president had cut defense budget, the contractor my husband worked for closed that office. We had to go where he could find work.
She didn’t have any response. Guess she realized that elections have consequences.
This is why democracy is a failed way to form a government and a Republic (i.e. people voting for people who make the rules) is not much better. People really do not vote with ‘interests’ in mind and more likely vote with ‘let’s give the nice black man a chance’ reasoning.
The Constitutional Republic our founding fathers put together was an attempt to reel in the ‘bads’ of democracies but clearly, people have found ways around those limitations.
Regardless, have a Merry Christmas all!
JoMa
Amen. I miss my blood relative greatly. But I do not miss the toxic liberal tyrannical in-law my relative is married to even more.
Yep.
Dumbass. He probably deserves whatever he gets.
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