Posted on 07/25/2016 6:45:30 AM PDT by Iron Munro
A week ago I felt good about America but no more. Coyotes are running freely in the streets of our big cities, the stock market is teetering on the verge of collapse, the monetary system will soon go belly-up, China and North Korea and Iran have a knife to our throats, our schools are in chaos, politicians corrupt, the media stupefied by political correctness, and everywhere you look you hear foreign accents. We are on the edge of the abyss.
At my house, we've begun fortifying the basement walls with sandbags and laying in barrels of fresh water and K-rations. We refuse to be at the mercy of the government when liberals decide to shut down the water supply.
We have purchased flame-throwers that are much more effective than firearms and we have enough napalm to fight off platoons of invaders, plus the attic holds four tons of dynamite that is wired to a single switch in the refrigerator: When we go, we'll take the whole neighborhood with us. We've cashed in our bonds and put some of the money in coffee cans and buried them in the yard and the rest we've invested in precious agates, which is the only truly safe place to put your money these days. The American Board of Agates in Waco, Texas, has a brochure that will knock your socks off.
Of course, none of this information appears in the mainstream press and you can be sure that no newspaper dares to print what I'm telling you now. The greatest nation in the world is about to collapse like a paper parasol in a hurricane unless Donald J. Trump is elected president and given the power to turn things around.
I am a lifelong Democrat, or was until I watched the Republican National Convention and the darkness became visible and the pieces clicked into place and suddenly everything made sense. This is scriptural prophecy come to life, the seven-headed beast, the whore of Babylon, the woman with snakes coming out of her head, all of it. It's here. Now.
"What can I do to protect my family from the holocaust of a hostile Hillary takeover?" you ask. "Or should we fly to Singapore while our retirement fund is still worth something?"
That is up to you. But if you choose to stay and fight, I can train you in the most effective technique of persuasion yet devised, developed by Hopi medicine men centuries ago and used by Navy SEALs, now Top Secret and so I am exposing myself to felony indictment by the very mention of the name "Hopi hypnosis," or Hopnosis, and could be sent to prison for up to 25 years, but I don't care. A man must do what a man must do.
I can send you a 35-minute video on a DVD that will teach you how to employ this technique for $47.95 plus $13.50 handling and postage.
The technique involves (1) breath control, (2) steady eye contact, and (3) the silent mental repetition of a code word that carries the hypnotic power. It's as simple as that.
I have used Hopnosis to talk a used car salesman into selling me a 2010 Honda Accord for half of list price, make my teenage daughter turn over her iPhone and go to her room, and convince my wife that the Chinese bombed Pearl Harbor in 1941. And I have persuaded 75 friends who are Democrats to vote Republican in the fall. In three days.
If each of us changed 150 minds every six days between now and November, the country can be saved. Either we use this technique or we surrender to the enemy and leave with our tails between our legs.
"Prove it," you say. "Tell us the code word that gives us the power to reverse the rational thinking of another person.
I can't tell you that, of course. I can only tell you that it's a five-letter word that begins with L and ends with R. "Lover"? Close, but no cigar. Send now. The supply is limited. If you are not completely satisfied with the DVD, you may return it within 30 days for a 100 percent refund — I keep only the $13.50 postage and handling. And because our national currency will likely be in free fall, the refund will come to you in the form of a precious agate worth many times the list price.
Good one. You covered it well.
Garrison Keillor and Stephen King. Separated at birth??
well Texas Eagle....
We have this Jerk-
and Franken
and a CERTIFIED INSANE “doctor certified” Gov Dayton-
So I must apologize to You and all the Folks from Texas-
(especially since our Governor’s comments contributed
to the attack on your police officers) AND he has never apologized !
Thinking of moving to a southern state- Northern states
seem to attract Evil Demons for some reason
But at least those of us who live in NorCal are trying to do something about it. We are trying to form our own state. The State of Jefferson. If you are series about moving, move here and help us.
Could not get halfway. I have never been able to laugh and throw up at the same time.
You probably have listened to "That Friary Home Companion" before. I never made it through three minutes of that mindless tripe and this is worse.
Didn’t know he was still around.
You have been paying his salary on NPR leftist radio, and now that he has retired will be paying for his golden years.
Liver? I thought it was loner, no wonder it’s not working for me.
Pride precedes the fall. He is mocking the watchmen. This dude be laughing it up until his untimely demise.
Matthew 24:37-9 KJV
37 But as the days of Noah were, so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.
38 For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noah entered into the ark,
39 And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.
I guess I missed the funny parts...
“If we all got punished for our part in various evils as we deserve, we’d all be in hell. Nobody is wearing an earned halo in this world.”
While that is true, it does *not* mean that a person who walks in evil, preaches evil, and works evil, is not a much, much worse person than a regular sinner who asks forgiveness and prays for freedom from sin.
We are not all equal.
Putin is not equal in virtue to Mother Theresa. Cankles Clintesterone is not equal in virtue to...well, any living human.
Some people are better than others. Some people are very, very good; others are very bad indeed. So, while it may be true that nobody is wearing an earned halo in this world, some people *are* wearing earned horns and cloven hooves.
It is not possible to get close enough to God, but it is easy to get far too close to Satan.
That slug Keillor is making fun of armed Americans who try to be prepared. He is beneath contempt. I would never give any of his articles a click, because his bank account is a virtual flow-through port to the Democrat party.
Nope, there is no better/worse here but applies to the state of progress of the work of God in humanity. The openness to God is not even itself a merit, only an opportunity that God uses to exercise still-unearned mercy.
All virtue is furnished by God. All humanity walked out on this in unison in the Garden incident.
Everyone, given a good enough X-ray, would show those horns and hooves. If God is dissolving them, that is His mercy. There in Hillary, but for the grace of God working, go we. Should she finally be (figuratively) flogged so that outwardly simpler fools learn wisdom, the reason she provides the example to the simpler fools is that the simpler fools can see the potential of being where she was, in them, and that much more clearly see the only Antidote.
GFY, Garrison, you slimy, smarmy, dishonest piece of dog turd.
“The word is ‘Liver’.”
Darn. I thought it was “Lager”. Works for me.
We agree on a lot of things, and I’d like that to continue, but that is *really*really*really* bad theology.
The first indication of that is that acceptance of your propositions advantages evil and leads the wicked further into wickedness.
God allows some to grimly do so, to abuse the forbearance of God as a perpetual excuse.
Go complain to Him, if you don’t like what I have reported.
It matters what God wants to continue, and truth is foremost among it.
“Go complain to Him, if you don’t like what I have reported.”
You didn’t report. You opined.
If you see something you believe is not backed up in scripture, point it out.
I got news for you... I actually would concur with your criticism IF THE GOAL WAS TO OPTIMIZE EARTH.
It isn’t. The goal is to optimize eternity. Earth often serves as a school of hard knocks, as that purpose. But it doesn’t absolutely HAVE TO serve as a school of hard knocks everywhere.
Get America on heaven’s wavelength, forgetting about pride-based, earth-optimizing theologies like yours, and getting back on a love-based basis — and you’ll watch an amazing witness to the Lord.
But, it has to be God’s love. Not ours, which is so often satisfied with the superficial, not looking deeply. Something that might look rather mediocre superficially (even Jesus wasn’t a looker) might be splendid viewed in full dimension.
I believe the opening complaint here was about Keillor. Keillor is mocking a view that does not report all sweetness and light. This is a wrong tack for Keillor to take. If you never admit you are sick, you will never go to a doctor.
However to call the doctor a lousy doctor, because he is not a cosmetic specialist, really does the doctor disservice.
Keillor is the epitome of the “look down your nose and smirk” crowd.
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