Posted on 01/08/2011 10:07:36 PM PST by DesertRenegade
One night, in March 2006, I was getting ready for bed when my fiancé and boyfriend of 10 years, Aaron, called me into the living room and said, “Kiri, we need to talk.”
I thought he wanted to apologize for a little tiff we’d had earlier. Aaron was a musician who had booked a gig in upstate New York. I wanted to go, but he’d asked me not to.
Instead, he said he was “confused” about his sexuality. As an episode of “Sex and the City” droned in the background, he burst into tears. My life had changed forever.
We got drunk and talked all night. I would veer from consoling him to being livid. Eventually, I curled into the fetal position on the bed. You can bet he slept on the couch.
In the morning, after he left for work, I searched his computer. He’d been scouring the ads on Craigslist’s “Men for Men” section. I found gay porn.
I called him at work, and he told me he’d long been cheating on me with men.
His betrayal left me more than devastated: It left me another person. I was now someone fearful and angry. I’d burst into spontaneous tears at work. I had panic attacks. I became convinced everyone was lying to me, even about the most benign things. If someone told me they had salmon for lunch, I wouldn’t think they were lying about where they’d been. Instead, I’d suspect they were lying about what they ate — the smaller details.
Two weeks later, Aaron told me he was gay. I think the reality of actually getting married snapped him out of his denial. But I was resentful that he’d allowed it to go so far.
(Excerpt) Read more at nypost.com ...
Ma’am, this quite surprises me that you would consider marrying someone and not really have a clue that they were gay. There are always signs.
Honestly, talk to the guys. And listen to them when they say that so and so is gay.
What I have noticed is that many girls like gay guys because of their traits. This is part of the reason that they wind up in this situation in the first place.
Don't these women wonder when these 'men' don't act like men around them?
Someone gets curious.
Someone starts to believe that curiosity is really “them”.
Someone fulfills the curiosity.
Someone believes that this is now their genetically designated “lifestyle”.
WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?
The guy was looking at gay porn and probably saying, “Why is this turning me on?” Instead of surmising, “Well, maybe because I’m looking at f***ed up porn,” his answer was “I’M GAY!
Wait, what ? I've sadly seen gay porn, it makes me want to vomit. Its pretty damn disgusting to me, I'm not so sure that there is any reason why a person who isn't gay would be turned on by gay porn. I can't imagine anyone who isn't gay not being revolted by gay porn.
That said, the reason why someone is gay, is debatable, but liking gay porn, is probably more of a sign then a cause.
One thing to keep in mind is that your average heterosexual male doesn't get tempted to be "curious" about other men in a sexual way; and your average heterosexual woman is even less likely to be "curious" about other women in a sexual way.
The "curiosity" develops when someone has a shaky gender identity, and there is an imbalance of masculinity/femininity. The little boy who has been treated like a girl by his mother, for example, and who has had minimal contact with a secure father or a father-substitute, is much more likely to develop a sexual interest in men. Just the other day, there was an article about a U.S. figure skater who has officially "come out" (even though nobody was the least bit surprised at his announcement). He said that as a six-year-old, he was watching Pretty Woman and developed a crush on Richard Gere. He said that he wanted to be Julia Roberts so badly, and that he wanted to kiss Richard Gere. It's pretty obvious that he was suffering from an overdeveloped feminine side and an underdeveloped masculine side.
Unfortunately, nowadays it seems that people jump to the erroneous conclusion, "I'm gay!" instead of the reasoned conclusion, "I am struggling with same-sex attractions. What is the reason for this, and what can I do about it?" Having same-sex attractions doesn't define who a person is--rather, it is something a person *has*. Similarly, if I have a broken leg or cancer, that's not who I *am*--it just means that a part of me isn't in full health.
I imagine that the guy in this article has probably had same-sex attractions for some time, but unfortunately he has now embraced them as his identity. That's a shame.
>>Don’t these women wonder when these ‘men’ don’t act like men around them?<<
I guess they buy that “It’s a European Shoulder Bag” thing.
Women should not buy that crap anymore than men should be cowed into saying/doing that crap.
TMI
She did waste 10 years on him. She has to find out why she wanted to drag it out so long. His less than total availability served her in some way. But then, the whole shack up scene was wrong.
My guess is that she has poor boundaries, and she'd find a healthy male threatening. I wonder what the new guy is like, and if he's really into her, or is he passive in some way.
I saw a show once, maybe Oprah, where the homosexual ex husband came on with his ex wife. They had been married and had kids, and one day he told her he couldn't live a lie, etc. They were “friends,” though it looked like the wife's heart was still ripped out, and as he told his part of the story, the audience was all “Oh, the poor gay; of course he can't live a lie!” IOW, like the expression on The Bachelor, he had to “follow his heart.”
Every person in the studio was emotionally enabling that f’n b@st@rd, as the ex wife did her best to be loving, and unconditionally accepting, which seemed more reminiscent of a mother's ways. She was doing her best in a bad situation, but I hope she learned a lot since then.
Homosexuals do what they feel like and leave a lot of human wreckage, but they want it to be okay with everyone.
>>That said, the reason why someone is gay, is debatable, but liking gay porn, is probably more of a sign then a cause. <<
Interesting. Mrs. FD doesn’t approve of hetero porn research. I can try to convince her it means I am not gay but somehow I don’t think that will work...
lol, in the interests of full disclosure, I'll admit, I don't really like hetero porn either, but thats just for different reasons.....
I'm not a fan of porn, but I do get disgusted seeing anything that even remotely resembles gay porn.
Agreed! Women are too willing to settle.
“If you are with a guy for 10 years and don’t know he is gay, you are dumber than Lois Lane! And if you sleep with someone that long, you are just a slut who probably deserves the result.”
Harsh (but funny).
She never says if she’s straight. The fact that she wouldn’t marry the guy for 10 years makes me think that there’s also a bit of a Lezbo side to her.
From the post: “As an episode of “Sex and the City” droned in the background” - this tells me all I need to know about her and him!
Mel
I had an ex-girl friend who wanted me to share my feelings with her one time. I said sure, I'm feeling very hungry right now, let's eat. She did not find that amusing. However my real feeling about her was that she was deranged. Which is why she's an ex-girl friend. Any guy who is asked by some female to share his feelings should run as far as possible away from that person. Disaster lies ahead.
“Metros” are just a half-step from being gay, anyway.
Well, they’re at least wannabe cross dressers.
Meh. I don’t mind it. Women are strange. I just know I don’t feel much. I actually have to work at it. For example, I’m at Home Depot. I think to myself, “Isn’t that a nice little chainsaw. Wouldn’t she like it?” So, you see, I do think about their feelings.
Another example. Diamonds. What’s up with that? They look like glass. Some black guy, two miles down sweating his ass off, hoping he doesn’t get buried, it’s buffed up by some weird Jewish guy who won’t eat double thick bacon, sold by a gay guy with a sore ass from the night before. They go crazy over it. Useless, save industrial purposes.
Couldn’t she ‘smell’ the other guy. Yuckkkk!!!!
There is no problem. She will get AIDS and then die. Her problems are over, she just doesn’t realize it yet
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