Ma’am, this quite surprises me that you would consider marrying someone and not really have a clue that they were gay. There are always signs.
Honestly, talk to the guys. And listen to them when they say that so and so is gay.
What I have noticed is that many girls like gay guys because of their traits. This is part of the reason that they wind up in this situation in the first place.
Ma’am, this quite surprises me that you would consider marrying someone and not really have a clue that they were gay. There are always signs.
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Then you must not have grown up on a high gay pop area. I grew up surrounded by gays and lesbians (Palm Springs) AND I have pretty good ‘gaydar’ (better than most) but he was a faithful, temple going, Returned Missionary mormon. That isn’t a profile of a ‘gay man’. He wasn’t a bear, but he wasn’t a twinkie either. We never had sex (active Mormon) and wasn’t planning on it. We never discussed homosexuality because that is a taboo subject in Mormonism (moreso than in other cultures).
And to be honest, I don’t think he knew he was gay until he told me.
BTW, my mother was married to my father for 7 years before she found out he was gay and cheating on her.
Gays are masterful liars and both in the 1970’s and before AND in mormonism, it is something to hide and fight and be ashamed of for the most part. Sadly, that has changed.
So don’t judge me too harshly till you have been where I have been.
There is also something you don’t understand...Mormon culture. At the time, I was Mormon (I have since left, but not because of the gay fiancee).
In Mormonism, young Returned missionaries (age 21) are encouraged to marry as soon as possible and women are condisered ‘old maids’ if they are still single at 21 (then they are encouraged to go on a mission themselves to make them more marriageable).
Also, Mormon dating patterns are different than other cultures. You date someone for a month or two, you pray to know if this is ‘the one’, and if you get a confirmation (burning in the bosom) you get engaged and engagements usually only last about 2 months. I know a lot of LDS who went from meeting their spouse to married in less than 6 months and often less than 4.
We were being cautious. We dated for 6 months and would have been engaged almost 4. In Mormonism, that is a very long time.
I have pinged others who used to be LDS as well who know about this aspect of Mormon culture.