Ma’am, this quite surprises me that you would consider marrying someone and not really have a clue that they were gay. There are always signs.
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Then you must not have grown up on a high gay pop area. I grew up surrounded by gays and lesbians (Palm Springs) AND I have pretty good ‘gaydar’ (better than most) but he was a faithful, temple going, Returned Missionary mormon. That isn’t a profile of a ‘gay man’. He wasn’t a bear, but he wasn’t a twinkie either. We never had sex (active Mormon) and wasn’t planning on it. We never discussed homosexuality because that is a taboo subject in Mormonism (moreso than in other cultures).
And to be honest, I don’t think he knew he was gay until he told me.
BTW, my mother was married to my father for 7 years before she found out he was gay and cheating on her.
Gays are masterful liars and both in the 1970’s and before AND in mormonism, it is something to hide and fight and be ashamed of for the most part. Sadly, that has changed.
So don’t judge me too harshly till you have been where I have been.
“We never discussed homosexuality because that is a taboo subject in Mormonism.”
And that’s why you end up marrying someone who is gay. I am sorry. I am not trying to be harsh. I have discussed this subject with folks I planned to marry, it is something that I couldn’t imagine not discussing. They have done the same with me. Taboo or not, Catholics need to know where they stand and nothing is gained by leaving it in the dark.
I grew up in a small town, I’d wager smaller than where you grew up.