A gallon of gas in every wagonload.
*<[;o)))~ Merry Christmas to all our Iowanian FRiends!
Posted on 12/19/2007 9:16:51 AM PST by IowaHawk
An Iowahawk Salute to America's Corn-Crazy Electoral Overlords
Every four years, America kicks off its time-honored democratic ritual of selecting the next president of the United States. As always this process begins with the Iowa Caucuses, which will have an important say in determining the final nominees. And, as always, this process is marked by another time-honored ritual: millions of angry non-Iowans asking, "who died and made that stupid state God?"
As a native of the Hawkeye State, with family roots stretching five generations deep into the fertile black topsoil of America's heartland pork basket, I have roll my eyes when I hear these ignorant, envious complaints, which sometimes shows up in cruel jokes like "do you know what 'Iowa' stands for? Idiots Out Walking Around!" Hardy har har. Well guess what? You never hear Iowans joking about "Nerds Eating Weak Yellowy Overcooked Rubbery Kernels" or "Corn Appears Like It's For Old Rats, Not Iowa Animals." We could, but we don't, because we're not a bunch of jealous, insecure people with inferiority complexes about our corn production, and ear length and girth, like some 'Super Tuesday' states I could name.
Unfortunately, the jealous resentment of non-Iowa states sometimes takes a more pernicious form, such as trying to "leapfrog" Iowa by scheduling their primaries earlier and earlier. Nice try, non-Iowa states. You want to move to January 20th? Fine, we'll reschedule to the 14th. January 7, you say? We'll take Christmas Eve. No matter how early you set your political alarm clocks, Iowa will already be down in the electoral kitchen, waiting to serve you a couple of delicious sizzling strips of candidate bacon from our caucus frying pan. It's our job, and it's not like we've got anything better to do.
If you are a political activist from one of the various non-Iowa states, let me first say I understand the hurt and frustration and resentment you probably feel toward my state, and the overwhelming attention it gets during the campaign season. But I will also tell you that the most important step toward healing is acceptance: acceptance of your own natural insignificance, and the fact that Iowa will always be first because it is the one state uniquely qualified to be America's official Presidential Sniff Tester.
Let's look at the facts:
Geode; as in “G owed me money, so I popped a cap in his @ss”
I'm thinking of an Al Gore scenario...
Every time I have to go through Iowa, I feel like suing somebody.
Does the early Iowa caucus account for the many Iowan presidents?
tia
I’ve got a genuine Keokuk geode in my geode collection.
Really? Do you live near Dez Moinz? :-P
"Keokuk Geode."
"Keokuk Geode."
Keokuk Keokuk Kuk kuk Geode Geode geokuk keode
Also, I'm drunk.
HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!
Iowans are just like other Americans - only more so.
Too early for me. 12:30 maybe.
We are from I-o-way, I-O-WAY!
State of all the land, joy on every hand.
We are from I-o-way, I-O-WAY!
That's where the tall corn grows.
ROFL!!!
When I lived in Des Moines I could never figure this out - is it “Cavatelli” or “Cavatini” - I could never get a definitive answer on that - or are both conceivably correct?
Hooray for the Hawkeye Cauci!
It was called Johnny and Kay’s when I was there...
One is a delicious pasta, and the other is a vulgar sexual act.
I can never keep them straight, so whenever I’m at a Des Moines pizza restaurant I usually order both.
:-)
Well done!
Shoutin’ out from Lee county, home of the Gangsta Crib Keokuk! What up homies? Just kickin’ it on the down low with mah bitches and pimps playa!
There was a Triumph motorcycle dealer downtown Keokuk that I liked to stop and see. Is it still there ?
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