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Keyword: iowahawk

Brevity: Headers | « Text »
  • Meghan McCain vs. Iowahawk: Dare to take a guess?

    05/08/2013 10:15:15 AM PDT · by EveningStar · 29 replies
    The Daily Caller ^ | May 8, 2013 | Jim Treacher
    More at the link!
  • Iowahawk: May the Cinco be With You

    05/06/2013 8:45:56 AM PDT · by EveningStar · 16 replies
    Iowahawk | May 5, 2013 | David Burge
    May the Cinco be With You Happy 4th & 5th of May! (with apologies to Marty RobbinsThe Ballad of Han CholoOut in the Tatooine town of Mos EisleyI fell in love with an Alderaan girlNighttime would find me in Chalmun's CantinaMusic would play and then Leia would whirlContinued
  • Iowahawk: That Was the Week That Was

    04/21/2013 1:32:21 PM PDT · by EveningStar · 12 replies
    Iowahawk | April 21, 2013 | David Burge
    That Was the Week That Was(with apologies to Billy Joel)Continued
  • Iowahawk: With Apologies to Stephen Sondheim

    02/17/2013 1:12:37 PM PST · by EveningStar · 25 replies
    Breitbart ^ | February 5, 2013 | David Burge
    Isn't it rich? Aren't we a pair? You on the ground smoldering Me in mid-air. Send in the drones.
  • Vanity....Another Classic From Iowahawk (Twitter): #WhyIsMyPaycheckLessThisWeek

    01/04/2013 8:36:48 PM PST · by Kolath · 10 replies
    Twitter | 01/04/2013 | Kolath
    #WhyIsMyPaycheckLessThisWeek because you voted to keep Mitt Romney from outlawing tampons. David Burge‏@iowahawkblog#WhyIsMyPaycheckLessThisWeek because before Nov 6, you were a useful idiot. Now you’re just an idiot. #WhyIsMyPaycheckLessThisWeek It's all Greek to me. #WhyIsMyPaycheckLessThisWeek I'll take "Thoughs Never Pondered by Government Employees and Dole Layabouts" for $100, Alex #WhyIsMyPaycheckLessThisWeek I dunno. Ask the guy in the Gucci hat in front of you in the checkout lane buying steaks with an EBT card.
  • Iowahawk says he might write a book? Yes, please!

    11/23/2012 4:39:23 PM PST · by EveningStar · 12 replies
    Twitchy ^ | November 23, 2012 | Twitchy Staff
    As Twitchy readers are well aware, we have major love for the hilarious and irreverent Iowahawk. So, when we heard that hes considering writing a book, we couldnt help but feel thrills up our legs.
  • Iowahawk: White House Scientists Struggle to Contain Outbreak of Scrutonium

    10/08/2012 8:38:17 PM PDT · by EveningStar · 19 replies
    Iowahawk | October 8, 2012 | David Burge
    WASHINGTON DC - Engaged a relentless battle against time and fatigue, a select group of message scientists assembled by the White House's Center for Narrative Control say they will take "all steps necessary" to contain a recent outbreak of scrutonium, a deadly poll-eating supervirus that attacks the immuno-hope system, leaving victims vulnerable to material facts. "Failure is simply not an option," said an exhausted Mission Chief David Axelrod. "If left unchecked, this virus may actually force us to move back to Chicago." Continued
  • (Vanity) latest from the Twitter world: #burnthemathwitch (ridicule the left)

    09/03/2012 12:09:08 PM PDT · by Kolath · 1 replies
    Twitter ^ | 9/3/2012 | kolath
    Ever since Paul Ryan was picked by Romney for the VP slot, the forces of the left have been nitpicking Ryan's wonkish knowledge of the Federal budget. The typical talking heads at MSNBC (Chris Matthews most notably) are so apoplectic it's actually funny to watch. Noted Twitter humorist (@iowahawkblog) know by his handle "Karma's janitor" has set up a hashtag to further tweek the left. Come join the fun! Twitter humor at its finest! #burnthemathwitch
  • Stars Get In Your Eyes

    08/27/2012 6:28:31 PM PDT · by penelopesire · 22 replies
    Iowahawk blog ^ | 8/27/12 | David Burge
    Stars Get In Your Eyes Special Iowahawk Guest Commentary By Barack Obama,Stargazer-in-Chief When I learned ofthe untimely passing of Neil Armstrong I was, like all Americans, deeply moved and saddened. I share your sense of loss for this American hero, even if his fame had been eclipsed by others over the years. But in our shared moment of grief, let us also celebrate his historic accomplishment in becoming the first astronaut eulogized by me, Barack Obama, our nation's historic first African-American president. Neil's passing gives all of us all pause to consider deeper questions. What does it mean for...
  • Iowahawk: You Didn't Build That

    07/21/2012 11:14:26 AM PDT · by EveningStar · 26 replies
    Iowahawk | July 21, 2012 | David Burge
    You Didn't Build That Readings from the Book of Barack1 In the beginning Govt created the heavens and the earth.2Now the economy was formlessand void, darkness was over the surface of the ATMs,and the Spirit of Govt was hoveringover the land.Continued
  • Iowahawk: DNC Scientists Disprove Existence of Roberts' Taxon

    07/06/2012 4:52:41 PM PDT · by EveningStar · 12 replies
    Iowahawk | July 6, 2012 | David Burge
    WASHINGTON DC - Jubilant scientists at the DNC's High Speed Word Collider (HSWC) announced today they have conclusively disproven the existence of Roberts' Taxon, the theoretical radioactive Facton particle that some had worried would lead to the implosion of the entire Universal Health Care System. Continued
  • Iowahawk: One Afternoon In a Garage in Reno, Nevada

    05/16/2012 12:23:03 PM PDT · by EveningStar · 3 replies
    Iowahawk | May 14, 2012 | David Burge
    Good afternoon! Hello, residents of Whispering Hills subdivision! Thank you for that fine reception. How's everybody doin' out there? Now that's what I call spirit - Reno spirit. American spirit! Yessir, what you folks might lack in numbers, you make up for in enthusiasm. Just like Reno is the 'Biggest Little City in the USA,' I've gotta say you folks are the Biggest Little Garage Sale Crowd in Reno this afternoon. So give yourself a Biggest Little Hand! Continued
  • Iowahawk: Julia's Circle of Life

    05/05/2012 10:16:32 AM PDT · by EveningStar · 29 replies
    Iowahawk | May 4, 2012 | David Burge
    The continuing adventures of Barack Obama's favorite eyeless, mouthless government dependent Continued
  • Hi Neighbor! Special Guest Commentary by the Sarah Palin

    04/05/2012 3:57:58 AM PDT · by radioone · 3 replies
    Iowahawk ^ | 4-4-12 | Iowahawk
    Special Guest Commentary by the Sarah Palin Homunculus that Lives Inside Liberals' Heads Knockity knock! Oh hi there! I was out shooting caribou on the Arctic Cat and saw your synapse lights on, and so I said to myself, "now, gosh darn it, Sarah, you've been living inside this nice person's cerebral cortex for, what is it, almost two years now? By golly, it's about time you dropped in at their frontal lobe with a plate of your famous homemade Alaska welcome wagon cookies and introduced yourself." So anyhoo, I sure hope you like 'em. Don't want to give out...
  • Why I am a Democrat

    03/29/2012 6:23:50 PM PDT · by pwatson · 6 replies
    So some friends posted this in a email today an article written by a Conservative in jest about "Why I am a Democrat" Well it got us to thinking and it sounds like a good project to collect some Freeper ideas on this. Here is my stab at it: I am a Democrat because unalienable rights come from GOD and as a new age atheist I believe our rights are privileges from an all knowing Government run by Liberal Intellectuals who are smarter than the hay seeds in fly over country who still cling to their guns and religion to...
  • Why I am a Democrat

    03/29/2012 6:24:01 PM PDT · by pwatson · 50 replies
    So some friends posted this in a email today an article written by a Conservative in jest about "Why I am a Democrat" Well it got us to thinking and it sounds like a good project to collect some Freeper ideas on this. Here is my stab at it: I am a Democrat because unalienable rights come from GOD and as a new age atheist I believe our rights are privileges from an all knowing Government run by Liberal Intellectuals who are smarter than the hay seeds in fly over country who still cling to their guns and religion to...
  • Resign. (Sign the Petition for Obama to Resign)

    03/05/2012 1:20:33 PM PST · by rightwingintelligentsia · 16 replies
    Whitehouse.gov ^ | March 5, 2012 | David B., aka Iowahawk
    We petition the obama administration to: Resign.
  • Iowahawk: Andrew Breitbart, 1969-2012

    03/02/2012 2:15:00 PM PST · by EveningStar · 10 replies
    Iowahawk | March 1, 2012 | David Burge
    A few months ago I was in Los Angeles for a car show, and decided to text Andrew Breitbart about getting together for drinks. We occasionally shared a glass or two whenever he was in Chicago, or I in L.A. Continued
  • A Fistful of Rebates

    02/09/2012 6:39:08 AM PST · by andy58-in-nh · 4 replies
    Iowahawk ^ | 2/8/2012 | Iowahawk
    A Fistful of Rebates Its halftime. Both teams are in their locker rooms discussing what they can do to win this game in the second half. Diagramming plays. Texting their agents and German supermodel wives. Reviewing Belichick's aerial spy photos. Its halftime in America, too. People are hurting, and it isn't because of towel snapping and the ol' Kramergesic-in-the-jockstrap prank. Theyre beat up and bruised, and wondering what theyre going to do to make a comeback. Were all scared, because this isnt a game. And because we're up against the Dragons and their all-Asia linebacker Hong Kong Chong with his...
  • Is This Hell? No, It's Iowa

    01/10/2012 2:12:45 PM PST · by 2ndDivisionVet · 13 replies
    Iowahawk ^ | December 15, 2011 | David Burge
    [ed note: Found! In a dumpster behind Hamburg Inn, the first draft of University of Iowa professor Stephen G. Bloom's anthropology dissertation for Atlantic magazine explaining the bizarre cultural mores of the primative Aborigines who pay his salary.] IOWA CITY -- On January 3, Iowans will trudge through snow, sleet, sludge, mud, ice, corn, beans, pig feces, flaming lakes of ethanol, gale-force blizzards -- whatever it takes -- to join their neighbors that evening in 1,784 living rooms, barns, community halls, recreation barns, silos, wigwams, and public-school Corn God sacrifice altars in a kind of Norman Rockwell-meets-HR Geiger old timey...
  • Best parity song on OWS (Camp Wokanda song). h/t Iowahawk

    11/30/2011 8:26:16 PM PST · by Kolath · 5 replies
    Iowahawk ^ | 11-30-2011 | Iowahawk
    excerpt: Hello Faddah, Hello Mama, I'm Occupying, Camp Obama, I'm protesting, Wall Street grabbings, And trying to avoid the hobo stabbings
  • With Apologies to Allan Sherman "CAMP OBAMA" [Iowahawk on OWS Hilarious!]

    11/14/2011 8:58:01 AM PST · by Lonesome in Massachussets · 9 replies
    Iowahawk Blog ^ | 11/14/2011 | Dave Burg
    With Apologies to Allan Sherman Hello Faddah Hello Mama I'm Occupying Camp Obama I'm protesting Wall Street grabbings And trying to avoid the hobo stabbings On my iPhone With my last tweet I down-twinkled Jews on Wall Street Please don't worry About psychosis 'Cause my Guy Fawkes mask repels tuberculosis
  • Iowahawk: Together, I Shall Ride You To Victory

    10/21/2011 9:30:54 PM PDT · by EveningStar · 31 replies
    Iowahawk | October 21, 2011 | David Burge
    A Very Special Announcementby T. Coddington Van Voorhees VIIContinued
  • IowaHawk: En el telfono (gunwalker)

    10/01/2011 5:55:01 AM PDT · by marktwain · 19 replies
    iowahawk.typepad.com ^ | 30 September, 2011 | Iowahawk
    <p>Juan? Hola, amigo! Como esta?</p> <p>Fine, fine. And how are Lupe and the kids?</p> <p>College already? Boy, how time flies. Has she picked a major?</p> <p>Splendid. And how is Juan Jr.? He's what now, 13, 14? The last time I saw him he was only...</p> <p>Oh.</p> <p>Oh.</p>
  • Iowahawk: New Scandal at DoJ as Illegal Guitars End Up In Hands of Mexican Drug Lords

    08/27/2011 7:37:15 PM PDT · by EveningStar · 52 replies
    Iowahawk | August 26, 2011 | David Burge
    WASHINGTON - Today's uncovering of secret multi-agency program for shipping illegal Gibson guitars to Mexican drug cartels left red-faced officials of the U.S. Department of Justice scrambling for an explanation amid angry calls for a Congressional investigation. Continued
  • Iowahawk: Default, Dear Brutus, Is Not In Our Stars, But In Ourselves

    07/29/2011 9:57:39 AM PDT · by EveningStar · 11 replies
    Iowahawk | July 28, 2011 | David Burge
    August 2 is but a few days away, and you know what that means: I need to buy mom a birthday card. Also THE COMMENCEMENT OF THE BUDGETARY MELTDOWN END DAYS WHERE WE FACE FINAL ARMAGEDDON UNLESS WASHINGTON GETS ITS BAR TAB RAISED ANOTHER TRILLION. Or something. I know the consequences of failing to do so are too horrible to contemplate, but I went ahead and contemplated them anyway. This resulted in a bunch of 140-characters-or-less prophecies for the Twitter hashtag #ConsequencesofDefault, which I have edited and compiled for your edification. If my inner Nostradamus is any guide, the post-apocalyptic...
  • The Missing Tweets from the Obama Twitter Townhall

    07/08/2011 8:16:31 PM PDT · by vrwc54 · 34 replies · 1+ views
    You Tube ^ | 7/8/11 | RobtKraft/GrannyJan
    Historic
  • Iowahawk: Questions, So Many Questions

    07/06/2011 4:16:45 PM PDT · by EveningStar · 19 replies
    Iowahawk | July 6, 2011 | David Burge
    President Obama graciously offered to take questions submitted via Twitter today, courtesy the #AskObama hashtag. Being an inquisitive sort, I decided to submit a few that have been nagging me (I am on Twitter, by the way). Although he declined to answer any, I thought I'd warehouse them here in case he ever gets around to them: Continued
  • Iowahawk on Facebook and Twitter

    07/01/2011 10:23:12 AM PDT · by EveningStar · 10 replies
    July 1, 2011
    You can follow the great satirist and FReeper Iowahawk on Facebook and Twitter! Iowahawk on FacebookIowahawk on Twitter
  • Iowahawk: John Lennon, Republican

    06/30/2011 8:00:39 PM PDT · by EveningStar · 16 replies
    Iowahawk | June 30, 2011 | David Burge
    Read it. :)
  • Iowahawk: It's Debatable (The Lincoln-Douglas Debates - as designed by CNN)

    06/14/2011 3:27:04 PM PDT · by EveningStar · 9 replies
    Iowahawk | June 14, 2011 | David Burge
    JEBEDAIAH BURGUNDY Welcome to Springfield and the 1858 debate for the United States Senate seat from the great state of Illinois, brought to you by the Sangamon County Picayune-Gazetteer. We have a full agenda of issues to discuss so let us proceed directly to the introductions. Continued
  • Iowahawk: Weinermandius

    06/07/2011 9:19:43 AM PDT · by EveningStar · 34 replies
    Iowahawk | June 7, 2011 | David Burge
    Alas, it appears now that no one will be cashing in on my Weiner Hacker bounty. To reflect on this solemn occasion, I would like to offer a bit of poetry (with apologies to Percy Bysshe Shelley).Continued
  • Iowahawk: Farewell, My Weiner (My name is Rather. And I'm a dick.)

    06/02/2011 8:40:27 PM PDT · by EveningStar · 10 replies
    Iowahawk | June 2, 2011 | David Burge
    Excerpts from the new Inspector Dan Rather mysterySecrets are funny things. The harder you try to keep them under wraps, the harder they spring up in the most embarrassing places. And in my line of business, you learn that no matter how you try thinking about baseball those secrets can jump right out of their soft cotton comfort and put you on ice permanently.My name is Rather. And I'm a dick. Continued
  • Iowahawk: Help Me Bring the Weiner Hacker to Justice

    05/30/2011 10:41:03 AM PDT · by EveningStar · 35 replies
    Iowahawk | May 30, 2011 | David Burge
    I have never been much of a community activist, but I can no longer sit idly while America remains at risk of attack by the most nefarious identity thief in the history of Internet. And cheap page views are to be had. Continued
  • Iowahawk: So You Have a College Diploma

    05/25/2011 7:05:18 PM PDT · by EveningStar · 22 replies
    Iowahawk | May 25, 2011 | David Burge
    Welcome distinguished faculty, honored guests, and bankrupt parents. And above all, welcome to you - the eager and unemployable graduates of the Class of 2011. Today represents the culmination of a long safari through the murky thickets of this impenetrable rain forest we call "higher education." Just a few years ago you arrived for your freshman orientation, full of wide-eyed anticipation and existential dread, wondering if this place would eat you alive. Soon though - through luck, pluck, and enormous amounts of mind altering substances - you adapted to your new surroundings. Continued
  • Iowahawk: "Justice"? I Spit on Your "Justice"

    05/18/2011 1:22:18 PM PDT · by EveningStar · 7 replies
    Iowahawk | May 18, 2011 | David Burge
    [ed note: Found! Under a hors d'oeuvres tray at a Tina Brown cocktail party, the first draft of Bernard Henri-Levy's Daily Beast cri de coeur on behalf of his ami Dominique Strauss-Kahn]Continued
  • Iowahawk: One Day in the War Room

    05/09/2011 8:34:01 PM PDT · by EveningStar · 5 replies
    Iowahawk | May 9 , 2011 | David Burge
    TRANSCRIPT WH-011/b-119 (DOD COMSPEC)JSOC CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTCLEARANCE G2 REQUIREDContinued
  • Iowahawk: Osa-monkeys!

    05/08/2011 4:52:56 AM PDT · by lump in the melting pot · 14 replies
    Iowahawk ^ | May 4, 2011 | David Burge
  • Iowahawk: This New Roommate is Driving Me Nuts

    05/06/2011 8:26:57 PM PDT · by EveningStar · 17 replies · 1+ views
    Iowahawk | May 6, 2011 | David Burge
    Iowahawk Guest Commentaryby Abu Musab Al-ZarqawiFormer Senior VP, Al-Qaeda In IraqYo brosephus, what's crackalackin' with the booty smackin'? Longtime no fatwa. Like what's it been, 5 years? Yeah, I know, I got a whole inbox full of emails from you infidel fags all like, "yo Zark, holla at a playa, how's that paradise shit workin' out witchu?" And by the way, you can stop sending me them stupid LOLgoat pictures, Continued
  • American Pride is Back Out of the Closet!

    05/03/2011 7:45:01 AM PDT · by ctpsb · 46 replies
    iowahawk.typepad.com/ ^ | 05/03/2011 | David Burge
    As much as I am now embarrassed to admit it, if you had asked me 48 hours ago whether Osama Bin Laden would ever brought to justice I would have probably answered "no." Like many Americans I had all but abandoned hope that we would ever capture or kill the 9/11 mastermind,......
  • Iowahawk: London Wedding Unites Chav, Ned Monarchies

    04/29/2011 7:39:22 PM PDT · by EveningStar · 5 replies
    Iowahawk | April 29, 2011 | David Burge
    LONDON - Thousands of celebrating Britons gathered outside Peckham Council House Abbey to toss rice and empty vodka bottles this afternoon, following the gala royal wedding of HRH Tiffany Skinner, Chavesse of Alcester, and Wayne MacDuffie, Grand Ned of Glasgow. Continued
  • Iowahawk: Your 2011 Iowahawk Grand Champion Carbonator

    04/25/2011 3:25:16 PM PDT · by EveningStar · 4 replies
    Iowahawk | April 25, 2011 | David Burge
    Your 2011 Iowahawk Grand Champion Carbonator Another Earth Week Cruise-In completed, another awe-inspiring cornucopia of carbon. This year's edition was another record breaker with over 100 entries covering land, sea, air and even space. And now, for the most difficult task of all: deciding who will wear the crown, and the 1 Trillion official Iowahawk Carbon Credits thereto appurtaining.After painstaking alcohol-fueled deliberation, the jury has made its selection. Without further ado, it is my pleasure to present (drumroll please) the 2011 Iowahawk Earth Week Cruise-In Grand Champion Carbonator: James CameronContinued
  • Iowahawk: War Is No Excuse For Forgetting One's Manners

    04/08/2011 3:09:59 PM PDT · by EveningStar · 17 replies
    Iowahawk | April 8, 2011 | David Burge
    War Etiquette TipsFrom Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC)Continued
  • Eating the Rich

    04/03/2011 9:27:57 AM PDT · by thefoundersrock · 22 replies
    Real Clear Politics ^ | 03/31/11 | Bill Whittle
    Bill Whittle looks at funding the government by taking away all corporate profits, money from those who make above $250k, etc. Eat the Rich
  • EAT THE RICH!

    04/01/2011 10:42:50 AM PDT · by Nachum · 24 replies
    Youtube ^ | 4/1/11 | BillWhittleChannel
    Is America really broke? Michael Moore (and others) tells us that there are oceans of cash being hoarded by the wealthy. But Iowahawk (iowahawk.typepad.com) did a little addition, and armed with these statistics Bill and the 'Hawk blow a hole in the "hoarding" lie big enough to fit a documentary filmmaker through.
  • Iowahawk: Overseas-Contingencies-Kinetic-Aliocious

    03/24/2011 8:03:06 PM PDT · by EveningStar · 17 replies · 1+ views
    Iowahawk | March 24, 2011 | David Burge
    Read it
  • Your Bracket Awaits, Mr. President

    03/17/2011 7:43:23 PM PDT · by radioone · 10 replies
    Iowahawk ^ | 3-7-11 | Iowahawk
    Your Bracket Awaits, Mr. President
  • Iowahawk: Feed Your Family on $10 Billion a Day

    03/15/2011 4:47:24 PM PDT · by EveningStar · 9 replies
    Iowahawk | March 15, 2011 | David Burge
    Seems like these days I hear a lot of whiney whiners whining about "out of control government spending" and "insane deficits" and such, trying to make hay out of a bunch of pointy-head boring finance hooey. Sure, $3.7 trillion of spending sounds like a big number. "Oh, boo-hoo, how are we going to get $3.7 trillion dollars? We're broke, boo-hoo-hoo," whine the whiners. What these skinflint crybabies fail to realize is that $3.7 trillion is for an entire year - which translates into only a measly $10 billion per day! Mister, I call that a bargain. Especially since it pays...
  • Iowahawk: President Ups Offer For HS Grad Speech Contest, Adds Liquor Store Run

    03/09/2011 7:45:45 PM PST · by EveningStar · 11 replies
    Iowahawk | March 9, 2011 | David Burge
    WASHINGTON - After a White House-sponsored contest offering him as a high school commencement speaker drew only 14 applications, President Obama announced today that he would also personally provide a free liquor store run for students of schools who submit entries before the extended deadline of March 11. Continued
  • Iowahawk: Badgering the Witless

    03/05/2011 4:13:11 PM PST · by EveningStar · 19 replies
    Iowahawk | March 5, 2011 | David Burge
    Well, now. Apparently that last post struck some sort of nerve, as it resulted in a record one day traffic spike at Iowahawk (don't like to brag, but it was up there in the multi-dozens). It also resulted in an email tsunami. The correspondence included a few critiques, some thoughtful, some stupid. Let's dispense with the stupid one first. Continued