You guys spend way too much time worrying about what others think. IF you have come to the point where you are leaving an organization, it is probably well known WHY that is happening.
It is always best to leave with your head high, your integrity intact, and a smile on your face.
We need to test the illegal mandates from governors. It should go all the way to the Supreme Court. Do we have a 1st amendment right or do we not?
I was abandoned by my church, Kirk of the Hills in St. Louis, after being outsourced twice in 1 year back in 2002. All I asked for was a chance for a job, any job. I would have taken a groundskeeper position that was available. After 10 years as a faithful follower and over 15k in tithing, the only response was, don’t call us, we’ll call you.
I’ve stepped through the doors of a church a few times since then for my kids wedding and 2 funerals. I haven’t given up on God.
I walked (quietly) out of a church mid-sermon when the Pastor started bashing “those right wing talk radio hosts.” I had only attended that church a handful of times and never returned. I knew it was not the congregation for me. My intent was to make sure they remembered why I left.
I always leave the same way I came in - through the door.
I don't understand that!
If someone feels compelled to "leave a church" (I have problems with that ill-defined expression), then he probably disapproves of that church in some way - and maybe even harbors ill will towards that church. Perhaps he feels that that church is actually sending an anti-Christian message, etc.
In that case, why would he care about any negative after-effects to that church after his leaving? Wouldn't he actually hope that his leaving might precipitate a collapse of that church?
Regards,
New American Standard Bible but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.
Many pastors today are just playing the role of SJW, sad to say many will see first hand the lake of fire is.
A friend of the family, tells a story about why she left a particular church.
She said how the women of the church were not easy to get along with. She got involved in some of the women’s groups in the church, and the women tended to look down on more recent members such as her. They boasted about how they had “always” been Christians, how their grandfathers and fathers were preachers, etc. which they somehow believed enhanced their Christian credentials. She felt that they didn’t see her as quite their equal, being a newer member of the church.
Also, there was lots of gossip about other women church members, regarding what they were doing with boyfriends, were they seeing anyone, why weren’t they seeing anyone, rumored problems in someone’s marriage, etc.
She said that a common discussion was, “better pray for (woman’s name)”. “Why”, someone would ask. Then, that launched a mean girls gossip session about what she was doing, had gotten involved with a man who wasn’t a strong Christian, and other such transgressions.
I know Christianity is far more than what church someone is a member of, but, since the topic is why do people leave a church, this story from our family friend came to mind.
1. People will remember how you leave...
For most people, that won't happen for long. It's not about you anyway: it's about the worship of the true and living God. When I have left churches (not for reasons of geographic relocation), it's been for reasons associated with worship and ministry opportunity (see point 4 below).
2. Those who remain may be wounded if you leave poorly...
If there are such people, then you've already had the conversations about the 'why'. The implication of this point is that there's a disagreement over you leaving and someone else staying. If a 'friend' can't understand that, then it's time to move on. Heck, the reason you're leaving could be that you yourself were 'wounded' by an event or a teaching point or some incident that is now hampering your ability to worship.
3. Your family can be scarred by a bad ending...
Few changes in life happen without some regrets. Doesn't mean that the change is the wrong move. If you can't explain in point-by-point fashion why you're leaving (to friends, family, etc.), then you need to assess whether the change is appropriate. Once you can do so and can comfortably defend your reasoning (scripturally if necessary), then you're ready for any negative blowback.
4. Poor closures usually color future ministry opportunities...
Only if you continue to brood about the past. If you are determined to depart, the reasons to do so clearly have outweighed the reasons to stick around... and that's got nothing to do with ministry opportunities. Heck, you are probably leaving because your current ministry opportunities are being hampered in some manner. Leaving could easily be the best thing to help!
5. Division left by bad departures can destroy a congregation’s unity...
2 points here: (1) It is inappropriate to leave a congregation while effectively carrying a banner saying "We're leaving: who's with me?". Again: it's not about you. If you make it about you, then you need to repent.
(2) There are congregations that have a political divide (like those rallying around a pastor while others support an elder/trustee board). Avoid these where possible. People who lose sight of that prior point will eventually bring trouble. Don't be part of such factions.
Note: this is different from the situation in which someone - even a church officer - is in unrepentant sin. The ruling board of the church needs to deal with this and remove such a person. If they don't, that's a solid reason for you to leave.
6. Good departures make ministry a celebration. Rejoicing over victories is always better than battling over remaining disagreements.
There are some disagreements that are based in fundamental issues with Biblical teaching. These are important. Arguments over the color of the walls or carpet are not. Learn the difference.
7. Healthy closure paves the way for the next leaders...
Some people can be worked with because they understand such things. Some cannot. We can't change that.
8. Leaving well fosters long-term friendships. Moving to a different church doesn’t have to harm relationships if the departure is handled well.
If your reasons for leaving are good, then you need to move on. People are fallen and won't always react in the manner you hope.
9. Good leavings promote Christian unity...
See answer to Point 8. Time doesn't necessarily heal all wounds. It's also quite possible to have everyone united... and to be wrong. Don't stay on a sinking ship in the name of 'unity'.
10. People will remember how you leave...
Look at the turnover in your church's membership: in 5 years, how many will ever know that you were there? Serve well and that number will increase, for sure, but I'll say this once again -- with a different flavor -- the servant is not greater than the master: serve God well and don't worry about how people react.
People will respect the good servants of God. More importantly, you want that declaration at the end: "Well done, my good and faithful servant".
After years on a deserted island a castaway finally flagged down a passing ship. The ship sent a launch and met the castaway at the shore, but before the castaway joined them he wanted to get some possessions from his living area and the rescue party followed him to an area of 4 huts. The rescuers asked about the 1st hut and the castaway explained that was his bedroom area where he slept and changed clothes and the like. The castaway explained the 2nd hut was his mess hall where he prepared his meals and ate. He also explained the 3rd hut was his church where he set had up an altar and said his prayers to God. The rescuers asked about the 4th hut and the castaway explained “Oh, that’s where I used to go to church”.
I left and no one ever knew the difference.
If the Catholic Church had wanted to keep me, it shouldn’t have engaged in a massive cover up of sexual predation by its clergy.
Hey, that doesn't seem very much in harmony with this article! Who is this "Jesus" guy, anyway?
Regards,
As a layperson or a church staff member, it’s likely you’ve left a church at some point — or will leave a church in the future.
Is that even true?
Regards,
Ann and I elected to leave our church in early February of 2017, resolving to check out in May. It was a combination of politics and not having our backs.
The Music Minister asked me to fill in a bunch of special music spots - I wound up doing 5 of them through the summer, ending on August 29 doing The Prayer with a young soprano and a world class pianist.
From February on we discussed our plans with a couple dozen key people (total membership maybe 200 and 50 to 70 attending each Sunday). The week after we were gone I wrote a letter to the Senior Minister pleading with him to be more earnestly welcoming of the next people like us.
It was a longer farewell tour then we have done with just about any other part of our life.
My daughter and her family (and another family) left a small rural church recently.
One of the new arriving families (about 35 members) are known for being swindlers. They make deals (farm/crop related) and don’t pay. They just tell you to take them to court. The lawsuits are plentiful, but he plays games and doesn’t show up and has his assets in different family members’ names, etc. You don’t collect anything unless you put a lien on his property and he has to sell one day. They live like royalty, with fancy cars and a huge vacation property, never mind their huge home, etc.
Lots of proof, ripping off even widows, but the “pastor” decided that because it involved families NOT members of the church, they wouldn’t get involved. Even though one of the victims was a friend of my daughters, and the other accuser had her friends ripped off as well....didn’t matter.
My daughter and her friend were shamed and verbally abused for bringing the whole thing up. It was disgusting. A poor excuse for a church.....but I guess when your income is first priority - 35 members DO put a fair bit in the plate.
My husband and I made the agonizing decision to leave the church I grew up in, the church where we met and married, the church our children chose to be baptized in, when the pastor stated showing favoritism to a trouble maker. BUT, we discussed the pastor’s behavior with the Chairman of the Deacons first. When he decided to do nothing, we just stopped attending.
Now, the “favorite” has shown up at the church we joined, and this couple thinks we should be the best of friends! Aaaargh. And yes, he has already caused some problems.
Just leave. Those who care about you will likely ask why if they don’t already know.
Sometimes no explanation is required. I am of the opinion people make their decisions for their reasons. Unless it is a very close friend or family member, you don’t owe an explanation to anyone.
When you cease to be a good influence you need to be a good riddance.
Part as well as you can, “with malice to none and charity to all.”