Posted on 10/06/2014 10:17:57 AM PDT by Morgana
In July, I received the following email, asking for help:
Donny,
I just read your story about Mindy. I thank you for sharing that. I decided to contact you and see what advice you may have for me, a married father of four beautiful young children, and addict of pornography. In the past I have cheated on my wife and it sickens me. Porn has been something that I can't break.... Every time it just draws me back in. I have tried professional counseling and found that it was a waste of time. I look at my wife and daughters and wish I could be a better man by being able to finally break this nasty habit. Can you recommend any books, blogs or other media that could assist me in this goal? I appreciate your time and thank you for fighting the good fight!
These types of emails are particularly challenging for me, which is why I’ve taken more than two months to finally address it. I’ll tell you why I find it challenging to answer this: humans are so complex. There is never any one particular “cure” that works for everyone.
This morning, when I asked the author of that email for permission to use it here, he let me know that he’s been doing very well with his struggles. I asked if there is anything in particular that is helping, and his response was as follows:
A few things. Finding an accountability partner, spending time everyday in the word and reading a few books by Patrick Carnes such as Out of the Shadows, Facing the Shadow and A Gentle Path Through the Twelve Steps.... I highly recommend those books for those struggling with a sexual addiction!
I have to agree with him: the key to battling a porn addiction is education. To resist temptation, it’s crucial to understand what is tempting you and why. And regardless of whether or not you personally struggle with porn, educate yourself so that you can help those who do.
I highly suggest downloading all 14 of the free eBooks offered by Covenant Eyes to begin the education process. While you’re there, sign up for their Internet filtering and accountability program, which I honestly believe is the best solution available. (Full disclosure: I am an affiliate of Covenant Eyes. However, I won’t receive any personal profit if you sign up after reading this blog post. Instead, if you do want to benefit another good cause that I believe in, I suggest using the code “lifesitenews” when signing up, and Lifesite will get 15% of the proceeds.)
Also, if you do use the affiliate code, the first month’s subscription is free, and after that it is $13.99 per month to protect all members of your family. At Starbucks, that would buy three or four drinks. I think the spiritual health of your family is worth far more. If you seriously cannot afford that price, give them a call and they’ll work with you. To read more about exactly what their software does, click here and scroll through this entire page.
On my personal website, I have created a page in which I link to peer-reviewed studies as well as magazine articles that discuss how pornography impacts us. I suggest reading through it and bookmarking it. I will be continuously updating it as new data is released. The good news is this: the world has begun to realize how badly we’re being impacted by pornography, and new research is regularly made available to those of us who wish to educate ourselves. God can definitely use that education to change hearts and minds.
I don’t mind admitting that I face my own battles with sexual temptation. Porn just doesn’t happen to be one of them. My temptations relate to memories of some of the women with whom I had sexual encounters while working in the porn industry. If I let those memories stay in my head for longer than a few moments, it seems like I reach the point of no return, in which I no longer wish for the thoughts to stop but would rather dwell in them for awhile. For me, the key is to distract myself from the thoughts as quickly as possible, before they are out of control.
I believe that as a Christian man, I am called to fight a battle that actually tests my worth as a man: to see every woman as one of God’s daughters, and to fight for His daughters by keeping in mind that she is not meant to bond with me sexually, as that is something God wishes to be reserved only for her husband.
I try to remind myself of this when I am tempted. When I walk around or interact with attractive women in any way, I try to make a habit of bouncing my eyes up to her face and often repeat “not mine” in my head or even verbally.
She’s not mine. God has her set aside for someone else. She’s not mine. She’s His little girl, and she needs me to fight for her by keeping my eyes where they should be. Her Daddy God is always watching, and I really don’t want Him catching me visually molesting her. Any animal is capable of giving in to lust. Be a man, Donny. Be a real man.
Oftentimes I can shorten all of that to two words: “Not mine!” This simple self-reminder is very powerful for me, but may not be useful for everyone. Find what works for you. If you seek, you WILL find. And as was mentioned by the man in the emails above, prayer and Bible study are two things we must make time to do if we truly wish to be strong in resisting temptation.
We also need to realize that addiction to pornography is a very real thing. Porn consumption creates a “dopamine high” within us, and dopamine has been shown in laboratory animals to be more addictive than methamphetamine. That being the case, we must be willing to take the same steps to get help that we would take when dealing with a drug or alcohol addiction.
Rather than make one very long, drawn out article on numerous ways to deal with temptations relating to porn, I’ll stop here and write about other methods in future articles. But once again I would like to encourage readers to begin educating themselves on exactly what pornography does to the people who consume it by visiting the links provided earlier.
I’d also like to invite your feedback as well. If you have strategies for overcoming temptation that you feel would be beneficial to readers, please “like” my Facebook page and send me a message. I’ll be happy to pass along useful tools and suggestions.
For some reason I misread the title and thought it said “addicted to popcorn” and I’m reading the rest ??? what?? Popcorn?
****** ANTHONY COMSTOCK PING******** LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT ON/OFF THIS PING.
I misread titles here all the time. If only it was popcorn. I guess that would be easier to detox from.
Thank you Salvation!
Well not totally he had 4 kids
I suffer from popcorn addiction.
“addicted to popcorn”
There’s not a kernel of truth to that.
To break an addiction you get a new freakin hobby that consumes the time you spent being consumed.
Addictions are about the stories we tell ourselves.
Eventually they become the narrative andike a record in need of a new song, you’re gonna have to etch some new marks on the vinyl.
Catholic apologist used to have a porn problem, while he was, on the exterior, a very religious man.
When he became a Catholic, somebody gave him a rosary and he tossed it in a drawer. One day, he decided to trust God and say the rosary. About three weeks later, he realized that he had been porn-free since he had prayed the rosary and has been free from his addiction ever since.
Like the 12 Step people say: you need your Higher Power to overcome addiction.
Pray.
You probably had butter on your mouse.
It happens. ..
Here is the site Danny suggests...
http://www.covenanteyes.com/?idev_id=754
“Find Peace of Mind with Internet Accountability Software”
Internet Accountability monitors the websites visited, the search terms used, and the YouTube videos watched, and lists them in an easy-to-read Report that is designed to start a conversation about healthy online habits.
Parents, see where your kids go online. Adults, reduce Internet temptations and protect the relationships you value most.
Learn more about Internet Accountability.
It blocks the bad stuff I take it.
I meant “Catholic apologist Scott Hahn”.
He told this story at a conference, more than 10 years ago.
What does A. Comstock mean?
Thnx in advance.
ping and take a look at post 13!!
Probably at least a kernel of truth in what you say...
Stop trying to butter us up.
“What does A. Comstock mean?”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I am soooo glad you asked that!! One has to really really really know their history in order to know “who” Anthony Comstock was. I mean was. You see FReepers are/were not products of common core or outcome based education.
I’ll provided you a linky on good ol’ Anthony but the short story. He gave Margaret Sanger hell while he was alive! He is also famous for the Comstock Law.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anthony_Comstock
“Comstock laws”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comstock_laws
Are you sure you’re not addicted to porn? You sure post enough articles about it.
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