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Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI Asks To Be Reinstated As Pope [satire]
Eye of the Tiber ^ | 9/25/2014

Posted on 09/25/2014 6:50:52 PM PDT by markomalley

VATICAN–According to reports today, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI is seeking the chair of his pontificate months after his resignation. The news has sent shock waves around the world.

Vatican spokesman Fr. Vitateli Devitiamani told EOTT that, “He came for a dinner as scheduled and then proceeded to return to his old living quarters. That wouldn’t be a problem, since His Holiness Pope Francis chose to live elsewhere, the room is open. However, once we asked him where he was going, he simply said, ‘I’m back,’ then proceeded to put his sunglasses on even though we were inside.”

Sources say that the next morning, he walked down the hall asking for his valet and his red Prada shoes, and was overheard asking an adviser to “get Burke on the line.”

This comes 19 months after his official resignation from the Holy See. EOTT had the chance to sit down with the Pope Emeritus to discuss the ordeal.

“You have to understand that, months ago, I received a call from Word of Fire Catholic Ministries. It was Fr. Steve Grunow on the phone along with his colleague Jared Zimmerer. They’re both serious about the care of the body and the mind, and offered to help me regain some strength in both. I gratefully accepted. So, after months of training, I’ve lost weight, regained my muscle mass and strength of mind. I’ve never felt better. And to tell you the truth, I never actually filed the paperwork to officially exit my office,” Benedict said just outside the Bernini Columns where he proceeded to flick a lit cigarette into a full barrel of gasoline and walk away as the barrel exploded.

At press time, Benedict still hasn’t looked back at the massive explosion.◁


TOPICS: Catholic; Humor
KEYWORDS: satire
Sigh...
1 posted on 09/25/2014 6:50:52 PM PDT by markomalley
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To: markomalley; Gamecock

I don’t care who you are, that is amusing!


2 posted on 09/25/2014 7:07:13 PM PDT by Alex Murphy ("the defacto Leader of the FR Calvinist Protestant Brigades")
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To: Alex Murphy
I don’t care who you are, that is amusing!

Yup.

‘I’m back,’ then proceeded to put his sunglasses on even though we were inside.”

In a noticeable German accent?

3 posted on 09/25/2014 7:29:01 PM PDT by Lee N. Field ("And if you are Christ's, then you are Abraham's offspring, heirs according to promise" Gal 3:29)
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To: Lee N. Field

4 posted on 09/25/2014 7:32:10 PM PDT by Lee N. Field ("And if you are Christ's, then you are Abraham's offspring, heirs according to promise" Gal 3:29)
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To: Lee N. Field; Gamecock
'I’m back,’ then proceeded to put his sunglasses on even though we were inside.”

And that's no....

....papal bull.

5 posted on 09/25/2014 8:21:15 PM PDT by Alex Murphy ("the defacto Leader of the FR Calvinist Protestant Brigades")
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To: markomalley

If only!


6 posted on 09/26/2014 9:02:44 AM PDT by ottbmare (the OTTB mare, now a proud Marine Mom)
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To: markomalley

What? Co-popes?


7 posted on 09/26/2014 9:03:10 AM PDT by MrB (The difference between a Humanist and a Satanist - the latter admits whom he's working for)
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