Evangelist Benny Hinn Accidentally Slays Himself In The Spirit

What?..Um - theological satire ^ | June 22, 2007 | Seth

[Alex Murphy]

HERSHEY, PA - Evangelist Benny Hinn is recovering from severe head trauma after accidentally slaying himself in the Spirit during his Holy Spirit Miracle Crusade conference in Hershey, Pennsylvania. Hinn was speaking to a crowd of over ten thousand people when he inadvertently directed his healing powers too close to his head, resulting in a major concussion. Witnesses say the force of power was so strong that Hinn was literally rocketed five feet above the stage and blown back several yards. Hinn is now recovering in stable condition at the Milton S. Hershey Medical Center intensive care unit.

“If it weren’t for the bodies already slain in the Spirit lying on the stage, who knows how much more badly Hinn would have been hurt!” stated Charles Russell, Hinn’s advisor. “It’s a sign of God’s protection over Hinn that they were there to break his fall. I’m sure God will bless those people for their great service.”

Immediately after the accident, Hinn was rushed for an emergency flight to the hospital on his luxury Gulfstream GS4P jet, Dove One, for medical treatment. “Praise God!,” exclaimed Charles, “It is such an affirmation of God’s continued blessing that Brother Hinn was able to receive treatment quickly thanks to God’s gift of this beautiful aircraft. Had we not purchased this amazing six-million dollar jet, Brother Hinn might no longer be with us . . . what a terrible thought!”

One of the attendees of the conference, Ben Matlock, has been slain in the Spirit by Hinn many times. He shared with us why Hinn’s accident was so serious. “You see, God has manifested a very powerful gift within Benny Hinn. He has the power to force the presence of God on you in a way you wouldn’t believe unless you experience it for yourself. When I’m up there on the stage, the air is electrified with emotion and supercharged with the Spirit. Then when Hinn walks up to you, your heart feels like it’s going to pound out of your chest. Then BAM! Next thing you know you’re lying on the ground in the arms of large bald men, feeling all woozy inside, then you look around you and see all these people laying down on top of each other like a scattered pile of coats.”

Matlock went on to say, “It’s no wonder that Hinn suffered a serious injury. He could have been killed from the event. The power of the Spirit during Hinn’s conferences is overwhelming, but being slain in the Spirit by such a powerful man of God is exponentially more powerful than you can imagine. It’s like being punched square in the forehead, because essentially you are being punched square in the forehead. So Hinn basically punched himself in the face with the power of the Spirit in his fist! My head hurts just thinking about it.”

Sources say that Hinn is expected to fully recover as soon as he becomes conscious enough to heal himself.

Those interested in donating to help pay for the cost of Hinn’s jet Dove One can download the brochure here.

[Viking2002]

Didn't he play the synth in A Flock Of Seagulls? (j/k) :-)

[irishtenor]

How’s his hair, man, how’s his HAIR??????? Is it ok?

[shield]

bfl

[Alex Murphy]

How’s his hair, man, how’s his HAIR??????? Is it ok?

You mean the Holy Spirit Ramscoop?

[irishtenor]

Holy Something, that’s for sure :>)

[SeaHawkFan]

The only thing miraculous about Benny Hinn is his comb-over.

[Cecily]

Benny doesn’t want Fop, he’s a Dapper
Dan man!

[Cap'n Crunch]

HA!... Chortle... snort... hahaha Benny Hinn.... hahahahaha

[EveningStar]

Heh!

[irishtenor]

Spray-on concrete would be more accurate.

[Missey_Lucy_Goosey]

Those interested in donating to help pay for the cost of Hinn’s jet Dove One can download the brochure here.

If I donate will Hinn take Dove One to Antartica and stay?

[teenyelliott]

No way! I don't want to have to go all the way to Antarctica to be healed.

Dang.

[shield]

WOW...Doesn’t anyone have a fear of Our Creator? This man is one of His whether you agree with him or not. This is very dangerous territory...walk very very carefully.

[truth_seeker]

“Sources say that Hinn is expected to fully recover as soon as he becomes conscious enough to heal himself.”

When he recovers, we’ll undoubtedly need to learn who he endorses for President.

[teenyelliott]

You’ve got to be kidding. Please tell me you are kidding.

[Fintan]

No way! I don't want to have to go all the way to Antarctica to be healed.

Dang.
 

Howsabout Arkansas?

No way! I don't want to have to go all the way to Antarctica to be healed.

Dang.
 

[Awestruck]

“WOW...Doesn’t anyone have a fear of Our Creator? This man is one of His whether you agree with him or not. This is very dangerous territory...walk very very carefully.”

I have a great fear of our creator, and I wish benny hinn did as well.. because then he wouldn’t be a false prophet which God doesn’t take too kindly to. If benny hinn feared our creator, he wouldn’t bilk gullible folks out of their hard earned cash... you don’t want me to laugh at him? Fine, the best I can muster up is a prayer for the wayward of which he is one.

[Missey_Lucy_Goosey]

This man is one of His whether you agree with him or not.

Benny Hinn is no man of God, he is a wolf in sheep's clothing, a false prophet, cult leader and an antichrist purveyor of darkness.

[Cecily]

Benny is nothing but a proven false prophet and scam artist. Jesus Christ and the Apostles warned Christians about the likes of him long ago. If anyone should be in fear and trembling before the Lord, it is Benny.