Evangelist Benny Hinn Accidentally Slays Himself In The Spirit

What?..Um - theological satire ^ | June 22, 2007 | Seth

[Alex Murphy]

HERSHEY, PA - Evangelist Benny Hinn is recovering from severe head trauma after accidentally slaying himself in the Spirit during his Holy Spirit Miracle Crusade conference in Hershey, Pennsylvania. Hinn was speaking to a crowd of over ten thousand people when he inadvertently directed his healing powers too close to his head, resulting in a major concussion. Witnesses say the force of power was so strong that Hinn was literally rocketed five feet above the stage and blown back several yards. Hinn is now recovering in stable condition at the Milton S. Hershey Medical Center intensive care unit.

“If it weren’t for the bodies already slain in the Spirit lying on the stage, who knows how much more badly Hinn would have been hurt!” stated Charles Russell, Hinn’s advisor. “It’s a sign of God’s protection over Hinn that they were there to break his fall. I’m sure God will bless those people for their great service.”

Immediately after the accident, Hinn was rushed for an emergency flight to the hospital on his luxury Gulfstream GS4P jet, Dove One, for medical treatment. “Praise God!,” exclaimed Charles, “It is such an affirmation of God’s continued blessing that Brother Hinn was able to receive treatment quickly thanks to God’s gift of this beautiful aircraft. Had we not purchased this amazing six-million dollar jet, Brother Hinn might no longer be with us . . . what a terrible thought!”

One of the attendees of the conference, Ben Matlock, has been slain in the Spirit by Hinn many times. He shared with us why Hinn’s accident was so serious. “You see, God has manifested a very powerful gift within Benny Hinn. He has the power to force the presence of God on you in a way you wouldn’t believe unless you experience it for yourself. When I’m up there on the stage, the air is electrified with emotion and supercharged with the Spirit. Then when Hinn walks up to you, your heart feels like it’s going to pound out of your chest. Then BAM! Next thing you know you’re lying on the ground in the arms of large bald men, feeling all woozy inside, then you look around you and see all these people laying down on top of each other like a scattered pile of coats.”

Matlock went on to say, “It’s no wonder that Hinn suffered a serious injury. He could have been killed from the event. The power of the Spirit during Hinn’s conferences is overwhelming, but being slain in the Spirit by such a powerful man of God is exponentially more powerful than you can imagine. It’s like being punched square in the forehead, because essentially you are being punched square in the forehead. So Hinn basically punched himself in the face with the power of the Spirit in his fist! My head hurts just thinking about it.”

Sources say that Hinn is expected to fully recover as soon as he becomes conscious enough to heal himself.

Those interested in donating to help pay for the cost of Hinn’s jet Dove One can download the brochure here.

[Viking2002]

Didn't he play the synth in A Flock Of Seagulls? (j/k) :-)

[irishtenor]

How’s his hair, man, how’s his HAIR??????? Is it ok?

[shield]

bfl

[Alex Murphy]

How’s his hair, man, how’s his HAIR??????? Is it ok?

You mean the Holy Spirit Ramscoop?

[irishtenor]

Holy Something, that’s for sure :>)

[SeaHawkFan]

The only thing miraculous about Benny Hinn is his comb-over.

[Cecily]

Benny doesn’t want Fop, he’s a Dapper
Dan man!

[Cap'n Crunch]

HA!... Chortle... snort... hahaha Benny Hinn.... hahahahaha

[EveningStar]

Heh!

[irishtenor]

Spray-on concrete would be more accurate.

[Missey_Lucy_Goosey]

Those interested in donating to help pay for the cost of Hinn’s jet Dove One can download the brochure here.

If I donate will Hinn take Dove One to Antartica and stay?

[teenyelliott]

No way! I don't want to have to go all the way to Antarctica to be healed.

Dang.

[shield]

WOW...Doesn’t anyone have a fear of Our Creator? This man is one of His whether you agree with him or not. This is very dangerous territory...walk very very carefully.

[truth_seeker]

“Sources say that Hinn is expected to fully recover as soon as he becomes conscious enough to heal himself.”

When he recovers, we’ll undoubtedly need to learn who he endorses for President.

[teenyelliott]

You’ve got to be kidding. Please tell me you are kidding.

[Fintan]

No way! I don't want to have to go all the way to Antarctica to be healed.

Dang.
 

Howsabout Arkansas?

No way! I don't want to have to go all the way to Antarctica to be healed.

Dang.
 

[Awestruck]

“WOW...Doesn’t anyone have a fear of Our Creator? This man is one of His whether you agree with him or not. This is very dangerous territory...walk very very carefully.”

I have a great fear of our creator, and I wish benny hinn did as well.. because then he wouldn’t be a false prophet which God doesn’t take too kindly to. If benny hinn feared our creator, he wouldn’t bilk gullible folks out of their hard earned cash... you don’t want me to laugh at him? Fine, the best I can muster up is a prayer for the wayward of which he is one.

[Missey_Lucy_Goosey]

This man is one of His whether you agree with him or not.

Benny Hinn is no man of God, he is a wolf in sheep's clothing, a false prophet, cult leader and an antichrist purveyor of darkness.

[Cecily]

Benny is nothing but a proven false prophet and scam artist. Jesus Christ and the Apostles warned Christians about the likes of him long ago. If anyone should be in fear and trembling before the Lord, it is Benny.

[shield]

No, I’m not kidding.

[DragoonEnNoir]

Some very humourous posts here, but let’s not go too far and mock a brother in Christ. I’m personally not a Benny Hinn fan, but when humour verges on being an attack, we should remember what Paul warns us about our tongues.

Please accept this in a spirit of love for each of you, but most of all for the glory and honour of our Lord, that the world might see the love and unity that we have with one another.

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God (Ro 15:7)

If we disagree with some of what Hinn does or stands for, and we cannot speak to him personally, we still have a Father who hears our prayers and intercessions, and who is sovereign over all things. I affirm that He IS Lord, and that He hears us and is faithful.

[teenyelliott]

Better, but only if I am not going to die within five hours or so.

[bonfire]

ssshhhhhh... :)

[EveningStar]

Let me see if I understand this: If a man claims to be a man of God, then he is a man of God.

[linn37]

To bad I’m not working tonight. Everytime I get a day off something exciting happpens.

[Missey_Lucy_Goosey]

Benny Hinn is not a “brother in Christ”, he is an antichrist.

[teenyelliott]

I am.

You are cyber-healed.

Send me your money.

[Missey_Lucy_Goosey]

Benny Hinn is no more a “brother in Christ” than Joseph Smith was.

[irishtenor]

Unfortunately, he is mocking God and Christians... in my opinion, of course.

[Cecily]

The Apostle Paul would have run the likes of Benny out of the assembly of 1st century Christians in short order. Paul would have had no problem seeing this wolf for what he is and acting accordingly to protect the flock.

[Mr. Mojo]

Doesn’t anyone have a fear of Our Creator? This man is one of His whether you agree with him or not. This is very dangerous territory...walk very very carefully.

Alright, alright. It's not a comb-over. It's a wig. A wig for a wig-out loon. The worst wig in the history of mankind, but a wig nevertheless.

[Fintan]

Better, but only if I am not going to die within five hours or so.

 

If that's the case, can we, uh, um, you know, well...

Better, but only if I am not going to die within five hours or so.

 

[teenyelliott]

Here is me, censoring myself.

[Fintan]

Let me see if I understand this: If a man claims to be a man of God, then he is a man of God.

 

I knew sooner or later you'd see it my way.

Let me see if I understand this: If a man claims to be a man of God, then he is a man of God.

 

[Fintan]

Here is me, censoring myself.

 

Take two Advils, take a nap. We'll meet for a discreet lunch, you can call me on my cell and we'll waltz into the tent show and be saved.

Here is me, censoring myself.

 

[Mr. Jeeves]

WOW...Doesn’t anyone have a fear of Our Creator? This man is one of His whether you agree with him or not. This is very dangerous territory...walk very very carefully.

Nah...in fact He and I are sharing a good belly-laugh at Benny Hinn, tonight. ;)

[teenyelliott]

And just why would I call you on your cell if we were at lunch????

[spectre]

With all due respect, shield..and I mean that...I think Benny Hinn is a charlatan.

sw

[EveningStar]

I have a great fear of our creator

I've never understood the "God fearing" concept. It sounds like you should not do good because it's the right and ethical thing to do, but rather because you're afraid God will send you to Hell if you don't do good.

[Fintan]

And just why would I call you on your cell if we were at lunch????

 

OK, this is why we aren't married.

Hey, howsabout that Benny Hinn, huh???

And just why would I call you on your cell if we were at lunch????

 

[irishtenor]

It is an “AWE” type of fear, holding him in high honor, the wanting to do good because he is who he is, instead of a fear of punishment.

[teenyelliott]

You want me to call him from your cell?

[Fintan]

You want me to call him from your cell?

 

Praise the Lord and call me on a pay phone..

And buy me lunch.

You want me to call him from your cell?

 

[onedoug]

Check the pic on the litter. If that’s really him his hair’s fine.

[SeaHawkFan]

Some very humourous posts here, but let’s not go too far and mock a brother in Christ.

So, who wins the prize for funniest post?

[topcat54]

Shame on you. The prosperity-gospel folks and tongue-speakers are gonna take this seriously.

[truth_seeker]

“Some very humourous posts here, but let’s not go too far and mock a brother in Christ.”

Do you seriously expect me to fall for Hinn’s financial scam machine? While it is highly profitable, from a sheer business perspective, it isn’t even close to what I expect from legitimate Christianity.

He lives in a $4 million pad (in the county where I live), flies around in a $6 million dollar plane, to perform bogus staged stunts before gullible folks dumb enough to have their pockets fleeced.

If that represents Christianity to you, you are free to hold that view. If you find my remarks offensive, go to a religion board. This was once supposed to be a conservative political website.

To me it is more like Hinn is mocking Christianity, to exploit the those who can’t stay clear of the obvious scam. My brothers in Christ don’t steal from the gullible, like Hinn does.

He could start another late night TV business, selling books and CDs to those who want to learn how they do the stunts on stage, and how they rake in the cash.

http://www.ministrywatch.com/mw2.1/pdf/MWDA_053105_BennyHinn.pdf

[DragoonEnNoir]

Fear can come in many forms. There is always fear of that which intimidates and frightens us, but there is also a fear that comes from love.

If I love my Father, I desire to imitate him. I strive to be like him. I also fear falling short, not because I am afraid of losing his love, but because I do not want to let him down. He sees what I should be, and the thought that my words, thoughts or deeds fall short of that are terrible to me.

I can also fear his rightiousness, because I myself am a sinful man.

I can also fear his rightful judgement upon some of those I love, because they are rebellious against him. Though I pray for them, my prayers are not yet answered.

I do think a fear of hell has a place, especially for some people in the beginning of their faith. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, though I believe a mature faith is driven by love for God and love for our neighbour.

Just my own thoughts, through experience, prayer, and testing against scripture.

[DragoonEnNoir]

There were several contenders... the hair comments were my votes ;)