Posted on 07/25/2006 5:09:42 PM PDT by Alex Murphy
LEAVENWORTH - A sound man who played a cruel game with church soloists has been suspended from his post. 
Chuck Tiff of Cornerstone Community Church, who served at the sound board for 14 years, was found to have taken sadistic satisfaction in finding a soloist's breaking point, then raising the pitch on the sound board so the climactic note in a song caused her voice to crack. He reduced countless women to tears and abject humiliation on Sunday mornings.
Tiff was discovered this past Sunday turning the pitch knob up several notches as Jennifer Hazlet began her rendition of "We Shall Behold Him." The head usher saw Tiff's subtle action, confronted him and led him away from the board, returning the pitch to its proper setting.
At a closed-door meeting, Tiff was unrepentant and refused to talk. One entry in his journal, found under the sound board, read, "Broke another one tonight. What glee! She left the platform in tears. I could barely keep from laughing. She deserved it. They all do. They're not singing for God's glory, no matter how much they point heavenward when people applaud. Looking forward to next Sunday. They've got a duet lined up. Double whammy."
Tiff's victims are considering legal action, charging him with emotional distress and humiliation.
"He made me question my very salvation," says one woman. "He was supposed to be a partner, but he hung us out to dry for his own amusement."
One might almost wonder if Mr. Tiff is on the road to becoming a serial killer.
Those other articles at Larknews are a laugh riot. I loved that one about the Buddhist monks seeking intersession in the Temperate zones ~ ROTF
Real singers would notice.
Small Group 'Survivor' experiment fizzles
CONCORD, Calif. — At a tearful tribe meeting in May, Yvonne Grable was voted out of her small group.
"My alliances broke down, I got betrayed," she says with a bitter edge. "That's church as usual, right?"
Instead of hanging around to serve on the "jury," Grable quit the church altogether.
"How can you worship beside someone who voted against you?" she says.
Small Group Survivor, dreamed up by Bethel Church pastor Dave Salisbury, was intended as a novel gimmick to attract new members, and to show the damage done by gossip and backbiting.
"It was meant to be a team-building exercise that showed people the benefits of peacemaking and the damage of division," Salisbury says.
But Small Group Survivor: Bethel Church backfired, splitting the church into dozens of factions and secretive alliances.
Nobody was actually booted from their group, but rather was "exiled" to sit quietly through small group meetings until the jury decided between two final candidates. Challenges included Bible memorization and trivia. Winners received a $150 gift certificate to the Bible bookstore and title of Bethel Church Small Group Survivor.
As competition grew more pitched than expected, patterns emerged. The first people to go were usually Bible know-it-alls and talkative emotional women with lots of problems. Next were people with insufferable children.
Eventually, any semblance of good-will broke down.
"I thought it would be a fun object lesson, but it
didn't turn out that way," says Salisbury, who is calling all participants to apologize. "Next time we'll try something positive, like Extreme Makeover: Women's Ministry Edition." •
Pitch knob? If he has a "pitch knob" it would be a device that would change the pitch of the music. He could up the pitch of the music, but not the performer. What a nutcase.
Could just be the usual sloppy reporting. There is NO "Pitch change" control on a soundboard. Most likely he changed the pitch on the CD player, which would also change the speed. It would be noticable to most any musician. Doubtful that the church would be running a digital sound file from a computer that had the capability of modulating the pitch but not the speed.
That said, it seems that it was BOTH a nasty trick by the soundman AND clueless singers.
Sick bastard.
Funny, though.
Oh, crud... I didn't notice it was a parody site.
>> Pitch knob? If he has a "pitch knob" it would be a device that would change the pitch of the music. He could up the pitch of the music, but not the performer. What a nutcase. <<
Yes, that would work: Use a pitch knob to increase the frequency of recorded music (RECORDED MUSIC IN A CHURCH???). Done subtly enough, most everyday signers will follow the pitch upward, believing the fault lies with their voice that day, and not themselves.
I agree. It's gonna be fun to read all the indignation over here!
My sound operator friend also says you can do nasty things to the soloists by keeping the pitch fixed, while repeatedly altering the beat/tempo of the background track over the course of the song >:P
And yes, we Protestants are known to use prerecorded accompaniment tracks, after our prima donna worship leaders decided our dust-gathering, six-figure custom pipe organs are unfashionable to attract "seeker-sensitive" congregations with.
Oh, like the first woman soloist it happened to wouldn't tell the other 10-12 in town and they would avoid singing there? Leavenworth isn't that big.
Rotflol!
Did the cops find any onions in his place when they searched it? Maybe a face of scrapple?
Just think what a great Bugs Bunny/ Elmer Fudd cartoon this would make.
I believe everyting I read. I believe everyting I read. I believe everyting I read. I believe everyting I read. I believe everyting I read. I believe everyting I read. I believe everyting I read. I believe everyting I read. I believe everyting I read. I believe everyting I read.
Bwahahahahah. How funny. Laughing as a church musician -- the sound man is so important, but so terribly often they are REALLY bad. oh, hahahahaha.
What turn a pitch knob when you can knee the person in the groin?
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