[SATIRE] The "Evil Opie/Da Vinci Code" connection

This is satire. If you have a problem with satire, STOP READING NOW. If you have a problem with literacy, i.e. you can't read, I'd tell you to STOP READING NOW but I doubt you'd understand me.
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Dear Theological Duo: As both a big Jesus fan and Tom Hanks fan, I can?t decide whether to see The Da Vinci Code or not. Can you give me a good theological argument for boycotting this film? --- Jim Wainscott, Tempe, AZ

Maurice: I hear you, Jimbo. You can hardly go wrong with a Tom Hanks movie, even when it's questioning the validity of Scripture. Seems a shame to let any pesky allegiance to the Gospel stand in the way of good entertainment.

Emmett: That's why I avoid the usual cogent theological arguments against the film and go straight to the 'Evil Opie' argument to appeal to baby boomers like Jim.

Maurice: Evil Opie?

Emmett: That?s right. As you may know, the director of The Da Vinci Code is Ron Howard, a former child actor who played Opie Taylor on The Andy Griffith Show in the 1960s. For anyone who saw the satanic overtones of this boy's depraved behavior on that show, it should give any God-fearing moviegoer second thoughts about seeing Opie's new film.

Maurice: Wow, I'm surprised Floyd the barber didn't find 666 etched on the boy's scalp.

Emmett: Case in point: Episode 64 titled 'Opie's Rival' that originally aired December 3, 1962. Little Opie becomes jealous of Andy's new girlfriend, Peggy, and precedes to blatantly sabotage their relationship with cunning trickery. I get a chill down my spine just thinking about the sinister look in Opie's eyes when he purposely loses a note from Peggy that he was supposed to give to Andy.

Maurice: Not to mention the many other episodes where we witness Opie kill a mother bird, lie about his school grades, and later form a teen rock band.

Emmett: Exactly. Is this the kind of person that we can trust to produce proper Hollywood entertainment about Christianity for Christians? I think not. Boycott this film, Jim, before the ungodly influence of Evil Opie spreads any further.

Maurice: Aunt Bea must be rolling in her grave.

Emmett: Hey, I'm serious, Maurice. My life is in danger just exposing the "Evil Opie/Da Vinci Code" connection. Need I mention the sudden death of Don Knotts just months before the movie's premiere? He knew too much.

Maurice: 'Nuff said... Nip it. Nip it in the bud.

THIS IS SATIRE. HUMOR.
You all remember "laughing" - that thing that you used to do, in response to watching "The Andy Griffith Show", before you became a Christian? Laughter is what your pastor is trying to provoke in you, when he tells those bad jokes at the beginning of his sermon. After "putting His enemies under his feet" (Psalm 110), IMO "getting Christians to laugh" must be the second-biggest thing that Christ will do before the Second Coming.

In Ecclesiasties 2:2, the author complains that laughter is "madness", asking "what does it accomplish?" Psalm 2:4 tells us that God, in heaven, laughs and scoffs at the kings of this earth "in derision". Psalm 37:13 says the Lord laughs at the wicked, for "their day is coming". But for the faithful, Genesis 21:6 tells us that laughter is an appropriate response to God's blessings, Job 8:21 promises laughter for those afflicted by Satan, and Psalm 126:2 says laughter is a sign to unbelieving nations that God has done great things for us. As Christians, we should learn to laugh more.

Mel Brooks (not a Christian) once defined laughter in this way: "Tragedy is me cutting my finger. Comedy is you getting eaten by a lion." Take that for what it's worth.

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