~Saying good bye~

CookingWithCarlo.com ^ | Sept 23, 2003 | Carlo3b Dad, Chef, Author

[carlo3b]

~Saying good bye~

Dealing with loss, and surviving...

Learning to live with death, divorce, absence, separation, and change. Escaping uncertainty, fear, loneliness, bitterness, emptiness, anger or hate.

Grief, and how to cope, is far too difficult a topic to stumble upon with simple words. No one, least of all me, could possibly understand the full range of pain, or the depth of emotion each of us feel at that dreadful moment when we experience a real loss. Dealing with the loss after all, is a vital first step on the long journey to healing. Each of us must confront this necessary and painful process to discover our own way to continue.

Accepting the loss of someone or something is the first step to healing, hope, and future happiness.

With any loss or life altering change, we must accept our emotions. We have to allow ourselves to face the inevitable truth, a sorrowful fact that something dear to us has ended, or someone we love has departed, and nothing will ever be the exactly the same again. That is the hardest part, taking the first difficult step, is facing the facts.
 
We must develop an understanding with the new reality. We have to accept the truth, and with the truth we can prepare to begin again.. We must start over. There has to be a time to grieve, and a time to mourn. Fear of change is the hardest part, but it is a beginning, and we must begin again.

"Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed."
-Michael Pritchard

Grieving, is our tribute to true love.

Finding a way to say good bye doesn't mean that we have to learn to forget. Our loved one will never be forgotten, nor must we rush to resolve what the loss has meant. Love lasts forever. Falling in love takes time, and it grows. Slowly, and carefully we allow ourselves to fall deeply in love and finally, with passions and emotions aside, we discover the warmth and gentleness of enduring and everlasting love.
 
True love will be in your heart forever, but pain of loss doesn't have to. What we must learn is to survive the emptiness, the absence, the silence... We need to to learn to live on with the memories of better times, and find our peace in our everlasting love..
 
Our loved one may have departed this life. They have not abandoned us, they remain in our pleasant memories. But, they have advanced us into a better place.. in eternity there is no pain, there is a place were they are at peace. We will meet again.. in that peaceful place.

"We cannot change anything until we accept it."
-C. G. Jung, Psychological Reflections

Mourning is forever, there is no real ending point, no time limit. It requires work, and time. It does get better. It does become livable. But the experience of a profound loss, changes us in profound ways.  Love held you together in life, and it will hold you together after things change.  Little things remembered will trigger moments of sadness, but it will also bring back a warm memory of a happier times. We have to give balance to those strong but competing forces. Strolling down memory lane can bring a tear, but it will remind us of that deep and abiding love that only a very few ever experience. How fortunate you really are, to have lived in the rarefied air of true love...

"If you have loved once, you can and will again.. Only a true lover can find love in all it's hiding places"
-C J Morelli

Mourning, and missing are a natural and personal process that only you can set in motion. It cannot be rushed and it cannot happen without your participation. But eventually, and strangely, everything begins to come together, pieces fit and are found that seemed to be forever missing. One day, without notice a soft light begins to emerge and a whisper of life sprouts.. life will return, and you will find peace..

"People only see what they are prepared to see."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Regret, is the longest and loneliness road to heartbreak, bitterness and defeat.

One of the most difficult experiences one can confront, is that of a sudden loss. The one that didn't have to be. Someone taken, at once.. and forever. No one is prepared for that. All we can to do to protect ourselves against those unavoidable but tragic happenings, prayers help, but actions are better.
 
Everyone has to protect themselves against the potential, maybe even the probable, or is it, the eventual... LOVE my FReeper FRiends, love is what is important, showing and accepting love today, NOW, will save the agony of regret tomorrow... and forever..
 
However, the loss that arrives unnoticed, and sleeps in your bed, and eats at your table, the one that avoids confrontation, and says nothing much at all. I speak of the cruel loss of omission.. Allowing a love to die slowly, malnourished.. loss that comes from the pain of neglect.... Love today as if there will be no tomorrow...
 
Living with loss is difficult enough without having regret. Most of us take life and living for granted, and why not, what could change.....  

I love you...

By Chef Carlo J. Morelli,  Falling Leaves from the Diary of a Single dad

[MissAmericanPie]

Your little red head is in my prayers this morning. May God bless and comfort you while you wait.

[carlo3b]

Hope is the thing with feathers- that perches in the soul...
- Emily Dickenson

Thank you my dear friend..

[carlo3b]

May God Bless you sweet one.. hope all is fine .. :)

[carlo3b]

"Perfect love is rare indeed - for to be a lover will require that you continually have the subtlety of the very wise, the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist, the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the tolerance of the scholar and the fortitude of the certain."
-Leo Buscaglia

[austingirl]

Prayers for the family in their time of loss.

[carlo3b]

 
A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she held him, she sang:

I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be.

The baby grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he was two years old, and he ran all around the house. He pulled all the books off the shelves. He pulled all the food out of the refrigerator and he took his mother's watch and flushed it down the toilet. Sometimes his mother would say, "This kid is driving me CRAZY!"

But at night time, when that two-year-old was quiet, she opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor, looked up over the side of his bed; and if he was really asleep she picked him up and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. While she rocked him she sang:

I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be.

The little boy grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. he grew until he was nine years old. And he never wanted to come in for dinner, he never wanted to take a bath, and when grandma visited he always said bad words. Sometimes his mother wanted to sell him to the zoo!

But at night time, when he was asleep, the mother quietly opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor and looked up over the side of the bed. If he was really asleep, she picked up that nine-year-old boy and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she rocked him she sang:

I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be.

The boy grew. he grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he was a teenager. He had strange friends and he wore strange clothes and he listened to strange music. Sometimes the mother felt like she was in a zoo!

But at night time, when that teenager was asleep, the mother opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor and looked up over the side of the bed. If he was really asleep she picked up that great big boy and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. While she rocked him she sang:

I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be.

That teenager grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he was a grown-up man. He left home and got a house across town.

But sometimes on dark nights the mother got into her car and drove across town. If all the lights in her son's house were out, she opened his bedroom window, crawled across the floor, and looked up over the side of his bed. If that great big man was really asleep she picked him up and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she rocked him she sang:

I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be.

Well, that mother, she got older. She got older and older and older. One day she called up her son and said, "You better come see because I'm very old and sick." So her son came to see her. When he came in the door she tried to sing the song. She sang:

I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always....

But she couldn't finish because she was too old and sick.

The son went to his mother. He picked her up and rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And he sang this song:

I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
My Mommy you'll be.

When the son came home that night, he stood for a long time at the top of the stairs. Then he went into the room where his very new baby daughter was sleeping.

He picked her up in his arms and very slowly rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while he rocked her he sang:

I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be.

by Robert Munsch
 
 

[jellybean]

To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.
       - David Viscott

Hope all is well with you and yours this morning..

[Rocko]

Bump to you.

[carlo3b]

I, too, am keenly and exhaustively aquatinted with a diversity of intense sufferings. I appreciate the lessons learned but sure wish the tuition was not so high. But then the prizes wouldn't be worth as much, would they.

The sadness of a lost love is crushing, and the hurt is made all the more painful because we are innocent in it's cause.

We stand helpless and alone searching for reasons, placing blame, cursing fate, and finally and ultimately left to find the meaning for it all in our grieving.. a way to deal with the truth .. You are only guilty of caring too much...

Yet, we know that as hard as it may seem, someday sooner or later.. with prayer and patience.. wisdom and peace will come to us all. .. We know down deep, with the passage of time, and with the help of good friends, close family ties, love and prayers.. all will rest, everything will be peaceful at last... Believe

We all know that someday.. our happy memories of better times will replace the pain, and the empty spaces deep in our heart will again be filled with love..... Have faith my dear friends.. faith in yourself, and in your God.. Faith...
 
 

[carlo3b]

You send beautiful thoughts to us.

Only a warm and open heart can recieve love.. I have the recipes for the good stuffings.. :o)

[SunnyUsa]

I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
My Mommy you'll be.
When the son came home that night, he stood for a long time
at the top of the stairs. Then he went into the room where his very new baby daughter was sleeping.
He picked her up in his arms and very slowly rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
And while he rocked her he sang:
I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be.
by Robert Munsch

What a touching and beautiful thread this is.....

I know this book where these verses are from (I love you Forever) - I bought it for my son when he was just a baby and we used to read it all the time and we even made up a tune for the words so we could sing the wonderful words: As Long as I'm living my baby you'll be.... It follows a boys life through his mother's loving eyes till he's a grown man and she is old and feeble.

I still have it somewhere, I think I'll look for it today and remind him of about it (he's a teen now)

Whatever prompted this thread, I hope you are hanging in there and know we all know the pain of loss and it's something we share with you.

I'm saving this thread with all these wonderful sentiments too as we have someone gravely ill in our family and we may need reminding of how to cope with the pain soon enough.

[carlo3b]

I have a friend who just loss her 15 1/2 year old pet, and she is devastated. This is good advice for her as well as anyone who has lost a human friend.

.. . It is so true, grieving is the remedy for healing for a broken heart, no matter how it happened. Painful loss comes in many forms, lost love isn't any different no matter what it is that has gone. I can't help but think of the look in a child's eyes when they realize their house will be a home no more, because of a failing marriage.. helpless, lonely, devastated.. Or as in your friend's case the loss of their best friend.. whether it has a wagging tail, or smiling face.. sadness knows no limits.

[carlo3b]

....and life goes on.......

Howie, my dear talented friend, I am your biggest fan.. God has given you a blessing in your artistic ability, but more so in your insight into any subject matter.

It is your keen eye for the deeper meaning that your brush conveys on canvas.. Thank God for both, your keen eye and your hand with brush, and for your willingness to share it with all of us fortunate Freepers. But most of all your friendship.. It is indeed an honor to know you.. Thank you

[carlo3b]

"I know whom I believeth, and am persuaded that he is able, to keep that which I've committed unto him against that day."

This is such an endearing thought from a thoughtful woman.. Thank you

[carlo3b]

Once upon a time, a good friend of mine gave me a secret to coping with loss -

Today it hurts the worst it will ever hurt. Tomorrow, it won't hurt so bad.

Go to sleep, and tomorrow will be a better day.

I love you. Not sure why but maybe it's because I know that you are never ashamed to say "I love you." Or maybe it's because you are a giver.

One more secret - some people are givers and some people are takers. Sometimes takers take advantage of givers. But, you know what? So what! Givers are better people.

Your friend's secret is now the available to all of your wonderful FReeper FRiends on this, the greatest website in this universe. I can only thank you for being here to bring it to us..

It's never hard to say,  I  LOVE  YOU.. when it's from your heart.  :)
 
 

[carlo3b]

.I needed it today.

These are helpful at those special times.. I'm so happy it arrived when you could use them.. HUG

[carlo3b]

"Where there is faith, there is a Voice calling "Keep walking, you're not alone in this world..."

We will all do better to remember these fine words.. Thank you..

[carlo3b]

It never gets easier. But we go on.

True, but it doesn't have to be alone.. Here we are.. :)

[jellybean]

- some people are givers and some people are takers. Sometimes takers take advantage of givers. But, you know what? So what! Givers are better people.

People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind.
Think big anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack if you help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you might get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
       - unknown

[John Doe]

Just a silent (yea sure ie public forum) note...BioMark has been known to deal on cost. Sooo go for it if they can help you.

I know of others interested in doing this type of stem cell therapy/research for various diseases. Other than that...I have no interest ie financial in this company.

Thank You. I would very much like to hear anything you would like to share.

ITMT...God is with your every step of this ever serious journey.