Slave-Owner Descendants Demand Reparations

Source: BSNN ^ | 05/27/02 | By Lazamataz

[Lazamataz]

MACON, GA (LAZNEWS) – A lawsuit launched to reclaim damages suffered by the owners of slaves and their descendant has moved to the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals.

The suit names the United States Government, the NAACP, and several companies that supported Abolition in the 1800’s, most notably Con-Edison and the various Bell companies, which descended from the Morse Telegraph Company. Con-Edison was formed from Edison Company, and the Bell Telephone descended from the Morse Telegraph Company – both staunch opponents of slavery in the nineteenth century.

"The robbery of our legal property will never be forgotten, never forgiven," remarked Samuel Whipback, "Our family was ruined by the Emancipation Proclamation. We demand reparations, now!"

Whipback’s family, who was black, owned over 400 slaves at the end of the Civil War. County property records show that the Whipback plantation was sold in 1872 to satisfy property tax obligations.

"Our family has suffered 130 years of destitution by having our property stripped from us," lamented George Denywater, "I thought America was based on respect for property rights. When are we getting our check?"

Sen. Robert Byrd, (D-WV) introduced legislation into the full Senate today to claim reparations for the descendants of these slave owners. Said Byrd, "We must never forget, the vestiges of this crime against humanity must be repaired."

[Lazamataz]

I submitted this to BSNN, but unfortunately Nate rewrote this so much that it lost its meaning and intent. So I have posted my original text.

[Lazamataz]

Hey, it could happen!

[Restorer]

Absolutely forbidden by the 14th Amendment to the US Constitution.

[mhking]

Black conservative ping

If you want on (or off) of my black conservative ping list, please let me know via FREEPmail. (And no, you don't have to be black to be on the list!)

[Lazamataz]

Absolutely forbidden by the 14th Amendment to the US Constitution.

Unconstitutional amendment! Let us give reparations for the devestating financial blow felt by former owners of slaves! Reparations now!

[Lazamataz]

Heheheh... interesting twist on this problem, huh? :o)

I am an absolute scamp. :o)

[mhking]

interesting twist on this problem, huh? :o)

I love it - what'll be really funny is when the warlords or someone affiliated with them get their hands on it and try to pass it off as real...[lol]

[Lazamataz]

Illinois Bump

[Lazamataz]

Hey, it sounds real to me....

[Poohbah]

Laz, this one's sick and twisted.

I love it!

News flash for all the reparations whiners and the "we-wuz-robbed" neoconfederates: The Civil War is over, and so is slavery. Get over it.

[Lazamataz]

Laz, this one's sick and twisted.

Does this not totally describe me? :o)

[hillyes]

YES,THERE WERE SOME BLACK SLAVEHOLDERS-FACTS YOU DIDNT LEARN IN SCHOOL

[Lazamataz]

Slave-owners were ROBBED by the Emancipation Proclamation! Reparations NOW!

[pabianice]

Damn straight! Egypt owes me and all other Jews just under $ 180,000,000 each for enslaving our ancestors to build the pyramids (based upon prevailing labor wage then, compounded over 4,300 years).

Say -- isn't the head of the UN from Egypt? The US needs to call a special session of the Security Council to get this ball rolling.

[Poohbah]

Yes, there were. But they were exceedingly in the minority.

In the meantime: Slavery's over. Get over it, reparations-seekers.

The Civil War is over. Get over it, neo-confederates.

[Lazamataz]

YES,THERE WERE SOME BLACK SLAVEHOLDERS-FACTS YOU DIDNT LEARN IN SCHOOL

Yup. Included that: Sam Whipback turns out to be a black slaveowner who is suing.

In fact, Nate over at BSNN wanted to have Sam Whipback suing on both sides of this issue, both as a slaveowner who was denied his property, and as a former slave -- suing on both sides of the Reparations issue. It started out as a good concept, but when he began working in the Thomas Jefferson angle, the whole thing got muddled and my original joke got obscured.

[Lazamataz]

parody SAS bump!

[=Intervention=]

Slavery wasn't even a central theme of the Confederacy, poobah. Your attempt to tar supporters of the South as racists is disengenious at best. Remember that part that says, no personal attacks in posts? Perhaps you forgot that...

[=Intervention=]

Hmm. Looks like I misread the post. My error. But it's always hilarious to see that the folks who have the most problem with the Confederacy, reenactment, state's rights, and so on are bigoted Yankees once again trying to deny the cultural expression of Southerners. You can do anything you want in the U.S.A, except raise a rebel flag or celebrate Southern heritage. Do that and you'll be told to "get over it." Hilarious. I guess they feel threatened at some level or have to constantly stick their noses into other people's business. Live and let live. Perhaps it is you who needs to get over being offended by other people's culture? Hmm?