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Entire Nation of Israel Converts to Catholicism
BSNN.NET ^ | 04/23/2002 | Lazamataz

Posted on 04/23/2002 6:35:19 AM PDT by Lazamataz

As the elected leader of the newly-designated Roman Catholic State of Israel, Airel Sharon has assumed the position of Cardinal of the Israeli Diocese.  

JERUSALEM In an effort to confuse Palestinian bombers, the entire nation of Israel converted to Catholicism today. As the Knesset met yesterday, Shlomo Benizri submitted legislation that would formally change the official religion of Israel to Christianity in general and Roman Catholicism in particular. 

Speaking outside the Knesset chamber, Benizri told reporters, "If we just change religions, maybe the Palestinians won't really notice us any more."
 
The measure passed overwhelmingly. 
 
Alex Plotzker, of the news organization Ha'aretz, said in a commentary Monday night: "This brilliant move by our government will certainly lower our profile in the Islamic world. And now that we are no longer Jews, there is not so much reason to hate our freakin' guts, is this not true?"
 
As the people of Israel struggled to adapt to the change, airlifts of Crucifixes, Stations of the Cross, little Patron Saint cards and painted statues of the Virgin Mary were being planned from the United States. 

"Oy vey," lamented one unidentified man. "Now I should no longer atone for my sins once a year on Yom Kippur, but instead I should go to this 'confession' every week? Sounds like I am paying retail."
 
"Does that mean I have to change my name from Binyamin Chazan to Mark Masamacchi?" puzzled another.
 
In the Vatican, the Pope was informed of this recent development, but an ankle injury prevented him from commenting.


TOPICS: Editorial; Extended News; Israel; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: catholiclist; fakeout; haahaa; heehee; hoohoo; lazhumor; nottrue; spoof
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To: Lazamataz
Autographed copies of The Complete Guide to Yarmulka Design are going for $1,500.00 on e-bay.......
121 posted on 04/23/2002 7:17:45 PM PDT by hole_n_one
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To: Catholic_List
Bump!
122 posted on 04/23/2002 7:20:12 PM PDT by BlessedBeGod
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To: Lazamataz
:) bttt
123 posted on 04/23/2002 7:24:47 PM PDT by vikingchick
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To: Lazamataz
Yes you certainly are on a roll! Thats great, thanks for the ping.
124 posted on 04/23/2002 7:38:59 PM PDT by Ditter
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To: Ditter
I got another one in the works that not even BSNN knows about. :o)
125 posted on 04/23/2002 7:41:44 PM PDT by Lazamataz
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To: Lazamataz
FUNNY!!!
Let's just make Jerusalum an international city. We could move the United Nations there! There would be no reason to fight over it!
126 posted on 04/23/2002 8:10:09 PM PDT by hoosiermama
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To: Lazamataz
A little humor does destress us while discussing a very serious situation. Thanks Laz, good one.
127 posted on 04/24/2002 1:00:45 AM PDT by Navy Patriot
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To: DooDahhhh; MeeknMing; riley1992; 2Trievers; chainsaw; Yehuda; buffyt
Whack this puppy way up high.
128 posted on 04/24/2002 4:36:32 AM PDT by Lazamataz
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To: DugwayDuke
The Southern Baptists are rank amateurs compared to the Mormons and the Jehovah Witnesses.

You're certainly right about that, although many believe those two groups are "cults" and therefore don't count.

129 posted on 04/24/2002 4:40:12 AM PDT by wimpycat
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To: backhoe; Jimmy Valentine; gonzo
Two pieces I wrote for you guys....
130 posted on 04/24/2002 4:42:48 AM PDT by Lazamataz
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To: Lazamataz
Welcome to Catholicism 101, the introductory course for Lapsed Catholics. I am the international spokeswoman for our little group.
131 posted on 04/24/2002 4:48:18 AM PDT by riley1992
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To: Lazamataz
Laz, I'll try to think up something witty while I'm fixing breakfast.... back ASAP--
132 posted on 04/24/2002 4:48:42 AM PDT by backhoe
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To: Lazamataz
You are TOO funny Laz! Hugs, 2T
133 posted on 04/24/2002 4:56:12 AM PDT by 2Trievers
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To: riley1992
Can we step outside Riley? I thought I was the spokesperson ... that settles it! Whoever can speak the most Latin wins! LOL &;-)
134 posted on 04/24/2002 4:58:15 AM PDT by 2Trievers
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To: 2Trievers
Whoever speaks the least Latin should win. If you speak it fluently, you either remember far too much from Catholic school or have been attending Novus Ordo Mass. Either way, you are far too good of a Catholic to win.
135 posted on 04/24/2002 5:02:06 AM PDT by riley1992
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To: Lazamataz
Does this mean Billy Graham will complain about liberal Catholic control of the media. I always was suspicious of Bing in the "Bells of St Mary's."
136 posted on 04/24/2002 5:05:40 AM PDT by xzins
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To: riley1992; Cagey
Vah! Denuone Latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur.

I win! Hehe ... maybe we should let the Altarboy decide ... LOL &;-)

137 posted on 04/24/2002 5:05:52 AM PDT by 2Trievers
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To: 2Trievers; Cagey

Cagey, age 8, praying he doesn't get his vestmental robe tucked into his Spider Man underwear again.
138 posted on 04/24/2002 5:44:57 AM PDT by riley1992
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To: riley1992
Classic! Side splitting! Awesome! &;-)
139 posted on 04/24/2002 6:18:09 AM PDT by 2Trievers
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To: riley1992; Cagey
Our destiny ...
140 posted on 04/24/2002 6:25:06 AM PDT by 2Trievers
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