Posted on 09/05/2014 11:50:15 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
The U.S. Forest Service celebrated National Roasted Marshmallow Day the only way a government agency knows how — by telling people how not to roast smores.
“Never start a campfire when there are fire restrictions in place,” the jovial blog post says. “Be sure you are at least 15 feet from tent walls, trees or other flammable objects.” It also recommends keeping children at least 10 feet from the campfire, ensuring that they take no part in dangerous marshmallow melting.
Once minors have been safely sequestered out of sight, “let’s get to the marshmallow basics. Use a roasting stick of at least 30 inches in length.” The post provides no guidance as to the sanitation of said stick, however.
No doubt with the fearsome specter of Michelle Obama lurking over their shoulders, the agency also suggests replacing chocolate with fruit: “Grill thin slices of pineapple and substitute chocolate for the sweet, warm fruit. You will still get a tasty treat but by substituting with fruit, it is healthier – as long as you watch the amount of marshmallows used. If you want to cut down even more on calories, try using slices of angel food cake instead of graham crackers.” (RELATED: Michelle Obama Causes America’s ‘Best Cafeteria Cookie’ To Be Outlawed)
To limit the “amount of marshmallows used,” they helpfully propose substituting “marshmallow crème”–”a spreadable version of marshmallows that helps you more easily regulate portion.”
Tags for the blog post include “safety,” “recreation,” and “glamping”–a portmanteau of “glamour” and “camping,” which Fodor’s Travel explains “brings the comfort of a hotel into the great outdoors.”
Smoky the Bear’s Forest Service Nanny State PING!
if you use an Oreo instead of graham cracker, you have a
s’moreo. :)
“No doubt with the fearsome specter of Michelle Obama lurking over their shoulders, the agency also suggests replacing chocolate with fruit”
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This is where I stopped reading-—— and you don’t want to know what I said. :-)
.
.
And remember, if the regime declares a phony “government shutdown” our thugs, er, Rangers, will keep you out of the forest altogether.
This would be laughable if they didn’t have SWAT team to back it up. BTT
Perhaps that will come next.
Dear Lord. The stupid, it burns!
That is NOT CAMPING. Period.
We're now at 100%.
Every past bit of their recommendations is Yooosless.
Let duh Yoots be Yoots...
No kidding. This is ridiculous.
I’d like to turn ol’ Smokey into fish bait. I’ve never eaten bear, and couldn’t imagine it being all that good.
My kids don’t need a tax payer funded talking bear cartoon character to not start fires in the woods....
After all, if we don't raise our kids as repressed retarded pussies, where will future generations of government drones come from??
Don’t say “Oreo” or the feds will have us roasting people they find “not black enough”.
suggests replacing chocolate with fruit” —
Here’s where public television would censor the words and pixel-out the mouth of the person saying such.
I am OFFENDED!
We have become a retarded society.
Anyone who needs instructions to make a smore probably ought to stay in the city.
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