Posted on 08/11/2008 5:11:58 AM PDT by SJackson
The outrage over John Edward's admitted affair with a filmmaker transcends what we have seen with most recent sex scandals. This partly results from his repeated denials of the affair. Much more important, of course, is the fact that it took place while his wife was battling cancer. The two of them had already dealt with the tragedy of losing a teenage son, and the public is furious that Edwards caused his wife, who agreed to campaign for him even after being diagnosed with incurable bone cancer, more pain.
Why, people want to know, do men who have it all like John Edwards throw away their blessings? Why, when they have wives who will do everything for them, is it still never enough? The answer is that men who cheat do not do so because they don't love their wives but because they hate themselves. It's not that their wives are uncaring but because their perforated sense-of-self is immune to affection. Were their wives to shower them with all the love in the world, it would simply seep through the broken shards of their shattered egos.
When asked about the affair last year by the media, Edwards denied it, saying, "It's completely untrue, ridiculous. I've been in love with the same woman for 30-plus years and, as anybody who's been around us knows, she's an extraordinary human being, warm, loving, beautiful, sexy and as good a person as I have ever known. So the story's just false."
The form of his denial should have been a red flag. Men do not refrain from cheating because they have special wives, but because they have a commitment to moral behavior and righteous action.
Men today feel like failures. Immersed as they are in a hyper-competitive culture that makes them feel like they are valuable only through external achievement, they nurse a lifelong feeling of anonymity and insignificance. That gnawing insecurity becomes the very engine of their success. Thus, they reason to themselves: If I become a rich trial lawyer and get invited into high society, I'll be important. Oh wait. That happened and I still feel like a failure. Time to become a senator. Okay, I did that, and I still don't feel fulfilled. Let's go for the gold, president. But all that attention and power will never make these men feel like they matter because it's being pumped straight into a black hole. There is no bottom to their low self-esteem.
ONCE YOU make a man's ego dependent not on the love he gets from his family but on the adoration he gets from crowds, he transfers the locus of his self-esteem away from his intimate circle to a fickle public. His need for public validation becomes an addiction. The wife cannot make him feel good about himself because, he reasons to himself, if he is a great big nothing, the woman dumb enough to marry him, however virtuous and accomplished, is an even bigger loser than he is. The wife is unwittingly punished for her devotion.
And that's where you see great men becoming susceptible to affairs. It is specifically the woman to whom they are not married, the one that has not been devalued through a merger with a failure, that can make him feel consequential.
Edwards practically admitted as much in the statement he released admitting to the affair: "In the course of several campaigns, I started to believe that I was special and became increasingly egocentric and narcissistic. If you want to beat me up - feel free. You cannot beat me up more than I have already beaten up myself."
The egocentrism and narcissism to which he confesses are always the hallmark of the broken American male who mistakenly believes that ephemeral attention is an adequate substitute for intimate love. Fractured males always beat themselves up, whether they succeed or fail. The irony, of course, is that he was always special. He always had a wife and children who loved him. But like so many successful men, it still wasn't enough to make him feel unique. No, it took the adoration of the crowds and the compliments of complete strangers, to make him feel unique.
Why not his family? Because men who feel like nothing see their families as impoverished extensions of their own nothingness. They requite external validation to become a somebody.
AMERICA WITNESSED the same tragic error with Bill Clinton. The most powerful man in the world needed the ego boost of feeling desirable to a 20-something intern. External accoutrements, however grand, are always a poor substitute for authentic self-regard. Elliot Spitzer followed suit by throwing his career away with a high-class call girl. A woman who is so desirable that a night with her can set you back a thousand dollars can make a guy feel like a million bucks.
Far from judging Edwards, my heart goes out to him. His is an American tragedy. Every day hundreds of millions of Americans go to work believing that what they do in the office will be more central to determining success than what they do at home, that impressing the boss is more important than keeping your wife off Prozac and your kids off the streets. But are you a success in life if the people who mean the most to you think the least of you?
When Edwards announced in a press conference that he would continue seeking the nomination of the Democratic party for president despite his wife's metastasizing cancer, Elizabeth Edwards, who is universally admired by Americans, announced that she supported the decision because she did not want her children to believe that they had to give up their lives when faced with difficult battles.
True enough.
But perhaps an even more important lesson to the convey to our children is that what will truly make them special in life is not becoming president but being committed and loving family members who always put each other first.
BS - He simply lacks moral integrity.
Why Men Like John Edwards Cheat....big head...urge to merge with other women...all ego driven.
That’s the correct answer-he’s a bum.
He put himSELF first. One phrase says it best: “Men do not refrain from cheating because they have special wives, but because they have a commitment to moral behavior and righteous action.”
In the old days we called it sin.
Because type "A" personalities ALWAYS want more. IMHO
Typical liberal thought process. Ignore the facts and don't engage in any logical, objective analysis. Just go with the "feelings" and get all emotional.
Edwards is a real t*rd, just like der schliekmeister, Spitzer, et al. These guys are public figures. They have to know that they will be caught by some reporter trying to write his career story, and that when they are caught, their families will be, not just humiliated, but publicly humiliated.
They broke a promise they made to their spouses before G-d, but that’s between them and their G-d and their families, which doesn’t mean that they should still be elected to high office.
The worst of all this is that they publicly humiliate the families that they claim to love.
No American tragedy. John Edwards is solely responsible for his decisions every moment of every day. To deceive honest, hard-working Americans into believing you are something that you are not is contemptible. My contempt goes out to him. He is a low-life, scum-sucking idiot. He is also a liar, lawyer, former Senator, former Presidential candidate.
What truly makes me special is my relationship with my Savior.
Character counts. Also, public figures are going to have to get smarter and study the success of men like Billy Graham. Graham listened to his advisors in the very beginning and adopted a rigid policy of never being alone with female workers around the office or on the road.
The truth is, some politicians regard groupies as part of the perks they are entitled to, like rock stars.
Take care, Michelle.
“In the old days we called it sin.”
Perhaps so, but men like Edwards cheated regularly then, as well. In fact, back in some of those days couples that no longer got along but didn’t feel they could divorce because of the stigma simply had “arrangements.” Everybody knew, but it just wasn’t talked about in public.
Some have even claimed to be conservative Christians but ultimately they expose themselves as typical liberals without any absolutes of values or morals.
So both men and women choose this lifestyle.
Ms Hunters theme song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWh8XKvsYqc
Sorry. Real men do not cheat on their wives.
Sorry about your loss, 28 is a true tragedy.....I hate cancer.
Bullsnot. Men with nice hair and/or lots of money are going to cheat, because too many stupid wimmin go for that stuff.
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