Posted on 06/10/2007 10:54:01 PM PDT by goldstategop
I was wondering the other day, if I ran for president, what would be my campaign promises?
I made a list I'm certain can get me elected.
If I'm elected President, I will…
Require members of Congress to work out on the Total Gym 15 minutes each day – or else they can't vote on anything.
Cut spending by dismissing the Secret Service, at least for my eight years in office (why would I need them?).
Resurrect Bruce Lee and appoint him head of homeland security (OK, the CIA and FBI too).
Give a presidential pardon to … no one, ever. Baretta was right in the '70s, "Don't do the crime, if you can't do the time. Don't do it!"
Turn the Rose Garden into a new fighting ring for the World Combat League, in which liberals and conservatives will fight for legislative leadership and priority. (For fun, Saturday night fights will feature a recurring bout between Hannity and Colmes). "American Idol" already told me they will provide the entertainment.
Require Bill Gates and Warren Buffet to personally pay for national, comprehensive medical coverage for every American (or meet me in the Rose Garden).
Increase jobs in America by sending ninja teams to sabotage and steal them back from other countries.
Tattoo an American flag with the words, "In God we trust," on the forehead of every atheist.
Give a tax credit to anyone naming their children Walker or Texas Ranger (excluding Will Farrell).
Resolve the Iraq war by bringing all of our military personnel home immediately, then going over there by myself for "martial arts negotiations."
Hang Saddam Hussein (Whoops – scratch that – already did it undercover).
Convey my plan for world peace to the United Nations: taking the governor of California with me on our "kick butt and ask questions later" USO world tour.
Give every new military enlistee abroad a copy of my upcoming new book, "The Threat of Justice," with the words, "Arnold and I will be back to pump you up!" above my autograph.
Bring on Donald Trump as my apprentice. When my presidential term is complete and he has obtained his black belt, or whichever comes first, he can buy the White House and of course rename it (to, what else, "The Trump House").
Create new immigration legislation: to deport all liberals (then force them to listen to Bill O' Reilly every day for five years, at which point they may return).
Ask producer Mark Barnett to film "Survivor – Camp David," where world leaders will meet annually, for an all-out cage-fighting championship. The winner will take home $1,000,000 in Disney Dollars, good in Europe or America.
Send an autographed photo of me and my horse (no dogs in my White House) to everyone who commits to read my new WorldNetDaily "presidential column" and blast a blog who dares to disagree with me.
Complete the plan to bring Tony Blair to the U.S. as my vice president.
Expose the real WMDs – my fists and feet.
Replace Letterman, Leno or Conan once monthly, since stand-up comedy is what most governmental officials do anyway.
Ask Al Gore to provide me with a special governmental study on the connection between spotted owl extinction and global warming. (I'm pretty sure Michael Moore will film the docudrama).
Help Rosie transition from "The View" to the pew – it might help her get over that anger problem. If the pew doesn't work, she can spar Trump in the Rose Garden.
First and foremost, however, my greatest priorities will be to …
Personally smoke out bin Laden by myself and round-house kick him all the way back to America, where my United Fighting Arts Federation will handle the justice issues.
Make all Chuck Norris facts come true (well, not quite all of them – I'm a happily, married man!)
Looking over my campaign promises, I'm sure my liberal friends are even now rejoicing that I'm not really running for President. However, my hope is still out that Newt will jump into the race!
"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." - Manuel II Palelologus
Chuck doesn’t get elected; he takes command.
"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." - Manuel II Palelologus
IBZ
He can kick a few of those Congresspeople too atleast they get the notion out of their head the public is for illegal immigration.
Before he goes to sleep, the Boogy Man checks his closet and under his bed just to make sure Chuck Norris isn’t there.
Chuck Norris doesn`t walk. He just moves his legs and the earth revolves under him.
Chuck Norris isn’t afraid of the dark...the dark is afraid of Cuck Norris
Once again, Chuck proves he is cooler than we are.
Vote for Chuck ping.
Made muh day...Thanks theMom!
I’m getting closer to naming muh new rifle...That Marlin 1895 (45/70 Govt.)
Its either going to be “Puddin’”
or
“Walker, Texas Ranger”
It’ll be etched, burned into the stock...
Chuck Norris is a gentleman. He has a nightlight. Dark’s afraid of him.
Chuch Norris killed everyone
------------
Why does Batman wear a cape?
Chuck Norris makes him wear one.
He has my vote if he can just get rid of Leno.
I’m sorry, I watch television.
Will you ever forgive me?
He’d have my vote !!
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hehehe, I love the take command thing, I really do!
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