Mmmmmmm.....
Posted on 05/29/2007 10:32:55 PM PDT by goldstategop
According to the global left, the evidence is in: The earth is warming, and it's all your fault. Don't blame And so, without further ado, I henceforth dedicate myself to achieving the following goals to aid Mother Earth:
-- EAT COWS. Turns out, cows are the climate's worst enemy. Cows, it seems, are culpable for 18 percent of greenhouse gases. Their cud-chewing, flatulence and burping create giant clouds of methane. All this time, we thought the cattle were our mammalian friends. But, fools that we are, the cows outsmarted us. While we milked them, they pursued their long-term strategy of world domination.
So the question becomes: What can we do to fight the global onslaught of the bovine herds? Some have suggested changing their diet to prevent indigestion -- the so-called "Pepto Bismol Strategy." Others have proposed recycling cow manure, with sloganeers already hard at work: "Cow Poop -- The Crappier Hemp." Still others have recommended eating less meat, thereby decreasing the production of baby cows -- "Abortion: It's Not Just For People Anymore."
I say this looming threat must be handled -- and handled immediately. I believe Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi when she says, "Now is time to act; the future of our country, indeed our entire planet, is at stake." I stand with Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid when he explains, "We cannot afford to defer action."
It's the cows or us, people. If we eat them faster than they can reproduce, we can sleep easy at night. Hamburgers are the answer. Steaks. Barbecue ribs. Vegetarians, dissent here isn't patriotism -- it's global suicide.
So let's roll. Or rather, let's put them on a roll.
-- BUY A GAS-GUZZLING 2007 FORD MUSTANG GT CONVERTIBLE. I can't afford a private jet like Al Gore, Arianna Huffington or Laurie David, so I'll have to settle for a Windveil Blue GT -- with leather interior, to make sure I pick off a couple of cows.
First off, buying a GT will drive up the price of gas-guzzling sports cars. If fewer people can afford gas-guzzlers, I'm saving the planet.
Second, my new GT won't use ethanol. That's a benefit in and of itself. Manufacturing ethanol requires more pollution than manufacturing gasoline. As John Stossel reports, "The standard mixture of 90 percent ethanol and 10 percent gasoline pollutes worse than gasoline."
Third, the global left insists we're running out of oil. The more oil I use, the less oil there is for others -- the price will rise. If the price of oil rises, those hybrid vehicles will look less like junk and more like economically feasible alternatives. Sure, I'll have to spend more money on gas, but hey, isn't that what environmental sacrifice is all about?
At least I won't have to drive a hideous Prius.
-- CONVINCE FELLOW GLOBAL WARMING CRUSADERS TO STOP BREATHING. Al Gore says, "[W]e should start by immediately freezing CO2 emissions and then beginning sharp reductions." I concur. If carbon dioxide emissions are the problem, persuading global warming fanatics to immediately stop exhaling may be the solution.
I'd buy a carbon offset for that.
Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." -Manuel II Paleologus
Hey, he’s stealin some of my jokes ...
http://travismonitor.blogspot.com/2007/05/redneck-carbon-offsets.html
e.g.
“Shooting a deer. Animals and humans alike are generators of CO2, the natural counterpart to plants that soak up CO2 and emit O2. Heck, a deer could be emitting more CO2 than your car. Thus, if you accidently run over a deer on occasion, you could be said to be operating your car in a ‘carbon neutral’ manner.”
Love it! Thanks for the post!
Mmmmmmm.....
btt
To stop global warming I have purchased an extra refrigerator, put it on my back deck and run it at full blast with the door propped open. There!
I dunno. Eating cows makes me fart.
Great idea! I will move mine today. Boy, just think if everyone did it. Probably keep hurricanes away too.
Yeah baby. In fact, I drove my 2006 Ford Mustang GT convertible to Steak n Shake a couple of days ago! No lie.
I meant my reply to be to ItsTheMediaStupid.
Bookmarking for later! Funny stuff!
Which makes me wonder what you plan on moving? Rifridgerator or gas?
Fridge and freezer
according to my friends and family, EVERYTHING makes me fart.
i do love a grilled cow, though ... ate several this past weekend.
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