Posted on 09/01/2006 5:38:40 PM PDT by quidnunc
I was at the airport in Auckland the other day and mooching around the duty free shop. My little girl likes snow globes, so I picked out one showing some charming New Zealand sheep. No snow, technically, but when you shook it, little stars sparkled around the ovine cuties. The Kiwi sales clerk swiped my credit card, wrapped it up, and then said, "Oh, wait. Are you flying to America?" I should have known. She consulted her list of prohibited items and informed me that, in an expansive definition worthy of the Massachusetts Supreme Court constitutional-right-to-same-sex-marriage ruling, the twinkly fluid inside the snow globe had been deemed to count as a liquid.
In theory, I could smash the incredibly thick glass, replace the sparkly stuff with something more incendiary, re-glaze it in the airport men's room with help from co-conspirators among the shadowy networks of antipodean jihadist glaziers, and board the plane to explosive effect.
When I scoffed at this thesis, the lady said somewhat petulantly, "Well, it's not my fault you're going to America." Which is hard to argue with.
If I'd wanted to fly a souvenir snow globe to Yemen, Saudi Arabia or Belgium, there'd have been no problem. I could breeze through the metal detector with a pair of snow globes in each hand shaking them like Carmen Miranda. The jihad may never achieve global domination but it has already achieved snow global domination. At Australian airports, they've figured out that these heightened security procedures will be with us for a while, so they've reconfigured the area around the detector, a row of tables with small baskets for keys and coins, a separate row of tables for unloading laptops from cases, plenty of space on the other side for reassembling oneself and one's possessions. Works very smoothly.
None of that when I landed from Auckland at Los Angeles. Five years after 9/11, the line shuffles forward into the kind of chaotic shambles that would pass muster had the procedures been introduced 48 hours ago. Surly security staff yell at passengers "back behind the line! now!" and bins back up on the belt and wheezing geriatrics tip forward trying to re-shoe themselves in mid-hop.
-snip-
Steyn Snow Globe Ping!
"Well, it's not my fault you're going to America."
LOL!
Gee Mark you make me wonder if they have BIG BABY seats on airplanes.
BTTT
"they're profiling women with padded bras, which is one great profile; their highly trained staff can spot gals who really stand out."
Lol
Fly mutch?
The military may be full of conservative individuals, but from my observations what we called "Big Navy" is much the same. You would hard pressed to find a more nanny-minded organization.
But they at least used to let you go ashore once every few weeks.... at a "hive of scum and villany" not to mention capitalistic inequity, such as Subic Bay.
Well since you could hide explosives inside I heard cavity searches are being planned for the future..
Well, the jihadists have won again! They are getting more and more effective at simply making life miserable for the rest of us.
At the risk of giving someone an idea...I have been watching the news for a woman lunatic or a trans-gendered lunatic who has explosive breast implants to blow up an airplane. I suppose that instead of silicone, one could substitute nitro-glycerine in those little bags. If healing was complete, there would be no way to detect the explosive other than sticking in a needle and taking a sample.
Sorry, I didn't see your post....
If we could profile..I could wear my gel bra to the airport.
IMO as an Old Lady (IMOOL?), the gel bras give a lift and look like no other!
Dang terrorists..making mah boobies suffer LOL!
Thefreedictionary.com Mutch n. 1. The close linen or muslin cap of an old woman.
Yep. I just returned from Ukraine. In Frankfurt they confiscated my deodorant and mouthwash that I mistakenly left in my carry-on.
Let's see. Can't carry a lighter (I'm a smoker) but I can carry matches (Richard "shoebomber" Reid used matches).
Now no toothpaste, deodorant, soap, shampoo, etc.
I wish they'd simply make a "Muslim-only" airline and let the rest of us "non-suicidal jihadists" fly in peace.
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