Posted on 09/01/2006 12:39:01 PM PDT by Digital Disaster
September 1, 2006
Berkeley, California
As most of you know, Scooter has converted to Islam and is now going by the name, "Kareem Bakr Gilad." The changes that have come along with this conversion are a mixed bag. On the positive side, he no longer curses like a sailor, has quit drinking, doesn't spend so much time with Pepe, and in general seems very spiritual. On the negative side, he treats all women badly, calls everyone but his fellow Muslim friends infidels, shuns soaps and perfumes, wears weird clothes, is constantly on the floor praying, and of course is wearing that retarded-looking fake beard.
Kareem/Scooter spends most of his time with some guys he met at the local mosque, and as I've mentioned before, they are a fairly unsavory group. Most afternoons they're sprawled around Scooter's bedroom, jabbering, drawing crude diagrams, and screwing around with chemicals and stuff that look dangerous to me. Speaking of Kareem/Scooter's bedroom, you should see what he's done to it - he's replaced his Farrah Fawcett and Star Wars posters with ones of the Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and that pinhead Iraqi cleric Muqtada al-Sadr. Creepy! I also noticed he'd put black electrical tape over the naughty parts of his Playboy foldouts stapled to the walls, which I considered to be a good thing.
Anyway, after receiving several large parcels from Iran, I had a strong feeling Kareem and his buddies were up to something, so while they were out I decided to snoop around his room to see what it was. Here's what I found: 20 Middle Eastern dolls, authentically dressed, right down to the burqas for the women, 20 doll-size bomb vests, several bricks of something labeled "explosives," a bunch of timers, numerous interior photos of what appeared to be an amusement ride featuring zillions of colorfully-dressed dolls representing different countries, a souvenir map of Disneyland, and finally, some Disneyland season passes. What the heck did this mean?
That night at around 2:00 AM it hit me like sledgehammer - they were obviously planning a doll suicide bomb attack on the "It's A Small World" ride at Disneyland! HOLY POPE-ON-A-ROPE!! After collecting myself, I marveled at the evil genius of the scheme: As Kareem and his buddies travel on the ride, they would place the terrorist dolls among the coalition-country dolls, their little bomb vests wired to the timers. Along comes Mr. and Mrs. Everyday Americans and their 2.4 kids and BOOM! our little allies in the war against terror are blasted to pieces by the jihad doll bombers while the stunned American families are traumatized into the next dimension! Brilliant? Yes, and terrifying beyond comprehension.
Hey listen, I hate this country as much as any liberal, but blowing up Disneyland crosses the line. I'm going to have a talk with Kareem/Scooter and his swarthy little friends. A very serious talk.
It is a little known fact that Robert Mugabe blew his entire fortune on a three week stay at Disney World, and has been trying to recoup the losses ever since.
I concur. I still have nightmares of being forced to play "It's a Small World After All" at every high school football game in which the marching band provided the half-time show. And that was well over 35 years ago.
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