Posted on 08/18/2006 9:52:44 AM PDT by CougarGA7
An Action Plan to Thwart Airline Terrorism
I’ve been thinking about airline safety for almost 5 years now. With today’s current atmosphere of airline scares, defeated terror attempts and general tension overall I decided that an action plan was needed to discourage terrorists from attempting their acts on aircraft in the first place.
Step 1. The evening prior to your flight go to any grocery store and buy some form of pork. Bacon being the most recognizable, I would highly recommend it. You will also need a zip lock bag so purchase some at this time if you don’t have any available to you. Note: A pork chop with the bone still in will likely be confiscated from you in security so if you are going that route I recommend a butterfly cut.
Step 2. The day of your flight place several slices of the bacon or other form of pork in a zip lock bag and put in your carry on bag.
Step 3. Upon settling into your seat place the zip lock bag in the seat pocket in front of you for easy access. You do not need to be discrete about this. In the event that you happen to be sitting next to one of the potential attackers they will know full well that you are armed too which may give them pause.
Step 4. If terrorist attempt to hijack the craft then pull the bacon out. Step boldly out into the aisle with bacon in hand and let them know that you are more than willing to use it on them. Hopefully you will not be the only one armed with Sus domesticus so you will have backup.
Step 5. Now that the terrorists are subdued trembling with the knowledge of how close they came to losing 72 virgins, turn them over to the authorities.
Step 6. When disembarking the plane DON’T FORGET TO TAKE THE SWINE WITH YOU. It could get a bit gamey.
You have now done your part to keep our airways safe. Good job.
Note: Do not try this with Sizzlean. It is not a valid pork product.
Wanted this to go in Chat. Sorry about that.
You have an obvious bias against my famous sausage-laden lasagna!!!
;-)
I'll start a food list for this. Your lasagna will be added.
LOL. Simple but very sound advice. I'll remember this next time I fly.
Would bacon suffice?
I highly recommend bacon. It is very recognizable.
Not sure if they would know what a pork rind is.
OK, who has the SPAM graphic?
I really think they should make everyone eat a slice of bacon prior to boarding. If they refuse, they do not fly.
That would discriminate against fruitarians. ;)
Orthodox Jews also don't eat pork.
I would rather drink a beer.
That's real interesting. Sure discouraged them didn't it.
Just don't use bacon, use a pork chop instead. The bacon might set off the nitrates detector and you will do no good if you aren't on the plane. But "A" for effort.
Darnit, forgot about that.
Pork chop is no good because of the bone. Better to go with the butterfly cut.
How about a jar of bacon bits? Could get a good scatter effect with them.
Me too.
I have to say that when I saw the first mention of pork, I took an instant liking to your post. I suggest a cold pack to keep the bacon fresh for cookin' later. Yum!
They'll tear the bacon & beer from my cold, dead hands before they convert me!
FYI, a good pet store sells rawhide(?) dog chews shaped like a pig snout. Very realistic - could be real, I dunno!
So, if you get on an overbooked flight to Saudi Arabia or Pakistan, just hang that snout around your neck & you can almost bet on empty seats near you. Pork skins will work in a pinch, but you have make a real fuss over eating them!
Is there such a thing as a pork skin jacket? Is it true kevlar is made from the waste products of a pork skin factory?
allah FUBAR!
I like the way you think.
I do know those pig ears they sell for dogs are real. And you can definately tell what they are.
Interesting; I suggested this a few days ago, and was bombarded with remarks like "stupid", etc., because it would offend Jewish and Hindu people. I'll wait and see who lambastes your post, too.....
"To: traditional1
That's a really stupid idea; Jews and Hindus won't do that either.
"49 posted on 08/14/2006 7:13:55 PM PDT by GAB-1955 (being dragged, kicking and screaming, into the Kingdom of Heaven....)
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.