DEED TO AL-ZARQAWI HOUSE SOLD FOR $20.50 - KABOOOOOOM!

eBay ^ | 6-20-06 | dfu

[doug from upland]

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Collectibles > Militaria > Current Militaria (1991-Now) > Signs, Plaques

			No warranty QUITCLAIM DEED to al-Zarqawi house - KABOOM	Item number: 6637592440

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			Your item sold for US $20.50!
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Winning bid:	US $20.50
Ended:	Jun-20-06 12:47:10 PDT
Shipping costs:	US $3.00 US Postal Service Parcel Post®
Ships to:	United States
Item location:	Upland, California, United States
History:	5 bids
Winning bidder:	meerums ( 28)
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Listing and payment details:  

Starting time:	Jun-13-06 12:47:10 PDT
Starting bid:	US $9.95

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Seller:	dougfromupland ( 40)
Feedback:	100% Positive
Member:	since Dec-02-02 in United States

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	Description	(revised)

ABSOLUTELY NO WARRANTY QUITCLAIM DEAD.....WHOOPS.....QUITCLAIM DEED TO AL-ZARQAWI HOUSE

SPECIAL NOTICE: a Quitclaim Deed conveys whatever interest a party has in a parcel of real estate, without warranty. I am willing to give a Quitclaim Deed for any interest I may have --- WHICH IS NO INTEREST --- in what is left of al-Zarqawi's "safe house." Gee, it wasn't so safe after all, huh, Z-Man? Hey, I'll even put the Quitclaim Deed in a little frame for you. It will be signed by FReeper Doug from Upland.

What you are bidding on is a little piece of paper memorabilia that commemorates this blessed event. Although insane Michael Berg, face-stretched Nancy Pelosi, screaming Howard Dean, Lifeguard Ted, police-beater Cynthia McKinney, hag Streisand, psychologically disturbed Alec Baldwin, the clueless Dixie Chicks (whose ticket announcement was recently booed at the Chris Daughtry homecoming concert in Greensboro), the ACLU, the NY TIMES, the WashPost, the major TV news networks, the rest of the drive-by media, and many of the other fifth columnists might be almost suicidal, it is a very good thing that this evil has left the earth. The terrorist, civilian mass murderer is now enjoying his promised reward. Unfortunately, all 72 of them look like Helen Thomas. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

DESCRIPTION OF PROPERTY IN WHICH I HOLD ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST:

Address: 225 East JDAM Blvd, Hibhib, Iraq

Estimated value: 1500 dinar (it would be worth $1,750,000,000,000 dinar in California)

Stories: was two, now zero

Sq Ft: was 2500, now zero

View: 360 degrees from any spot

Bedrooms: was four, now zero

Baths: was zero, still zero

Roof: pulverized fragments are two blocks away

Walls: non-existant

Ceilings: non-existant

Doors: non-existant

Windows: not double-pane; they are no-pane

Floor covering: are you kidding . . . there are no floors left

Basement: now a big hole

Heating/air conditioning: nope

Landscaping:  sand and pieces of concrete

Neighborhood description: is improving, thanks to U.S. military

Additional comments:  something very large recently fell on the home . . . open and airy . . . property is surrounded by lovely date palms . . . there still exists a noticeable smell of goat . . . lots of blood will need the Mr. Clean or Simple Green treatment . . . commuting distance to Baghdad . . . may become an Iraqi historical landmark . . . unconfirmed report that, during her visit a few years ago, Hillary actually flew over this house on Broomstick One

GODSPEED, U.S. MILITARY.  YOU ARE IN OUR PRAYERS EVERY DAY.

ATTENTION: Abu Ayyub al-Masri --- you're next, pal. By the time you see the flash, it is too late.  May you soon rest in pieces.

---

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	Questions from other members

Question & Answer

Answered On

Q:

Would love to mastermind this deal for you, but I'm a bit of a vigilante and sometimes play blues, man! So you'd have to put up with my clowning around...more

Jun-20-06 

A:

No bad santa necessary. I might be interested in the music deal but I have had a bad experience in the past with someone who has had a year and a half...more

Q:

I'll trade you for a double-wide trailer with a recording studio in the dining room and as many shots of vodka as you like. I'll even hook you up with...more

Jun-20-06 

A:

I will seriously consider the offer.

Q:

I am concerned that the local government will declare this a historical site, and I would lose all rights to eminent domain (if I had any at all) and ...more

Jun-20-06 

A:

Of course I can make no warranties, especially if dipwad Justice Souter is involved in an eminent domain case. If they want to make it an historical site,...more

Q:

Are you the same person who sold the Spider Hole in Iraq? And is it true that the purchaser was one William Jefferson Clinton, for his own personal use...more

Jun-19-06 

A:

I'm not the guy. Did that really happen? The impeached and disgraced William Jefferson Clinton doesn't need a spider hole when Satan's daughter is not...more

Q:

Do you think there is enough amonium nitrate in the soil to support corn farming? I want to grow my own pig feed.

Jun-19-06 

A:

I suppose there is. To grow pig feed may do one of two things for you. You may become an outcast and lose your head or you may corner a new market. ...more

View all 15 questions | Ask seller a question

[doug from upland]

NOTE TO ALL: this already sold. It is not a solicitation. The winning bid money will be sent to FR.

[MrCruncher]

I think you have a future in real estate.

[doug from upland]

Ummmmmm, I am a commercial real estate broker. I specialize in creative real estate, consulting, and exchanging.

[RushCrush]

ROTFLMBO! I would have bid on it!

[Zuben Elgenubi]

LOL, great job, DFU. You're really cookin' lately.

[llevrok]

a little carpet, paint, some "sweat equity" and you have a home for the ages.....

[Kryptonite]

LOLOLOL!

[reagan_fanatic]

If the buyer finds anymore flash drives, do they have to return them to the previous owner?

[RayRobisonblog]

dude, this sh** is funny!

[b4its2late]

Excellent! LOL on all the property descriptions.

[No Blue States]

LMBO!

Good Job.

[rod1]

Darn why am I always too late on these EBAY gems. Any chance we can blow up the next Al-Qaida guy soon so I get another opportunity?

[martin_fierro]

Dumps like this are going for $800K+ in Kali.

< |:)~

[doug from upland]

I did not want to post the whole ad here and make a solicitation. Not that it is over, I hope you enjoy it.

[RushCrush]

I'll check it out. It's for a good cause, and my money is spit-shined in hog vomit :)

[Sisku Hanne]

That's HILARIOUS!!!! I love the reader's questions!

[MrCruncher]

If I need some help in the area of creative real estate, I will be sure to consult you.

[doug from upland]

If anyone wants one of these, I will consider sending them a QUITCLAIM deed if they match the winning bid with a donation to FreeRepublic. NOTE: I will consider it. I can't send out a couple hundred of these things. Contrary to popular belief, I actually do run a business. FReeping is not my job.

[doug from upland]

The questions? I hope you enjoyed the answers. :)

[Sisku Hanne]

I sure did, you "crunchy-con", you! ;-)