DEED TO AL-ZARQAWI HOUSE SOLD FOR $20.50 - KABOOOOOOM!

eBay ^ | 6-20-06 | dfu

[doug from upland]

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Collectibles > Militaria > Current Militaria (1991-Now) > Signs, Plaques

			No warranty QUITCLAIM DEED to al-Zarqawi house - KABOOM	Item number: 6637592440

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			Your item sold for US $20.50!
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Winning bid:	US $20.50
Ended:	Jun-20-06 12:47:10 PDT
Shipping costs:	US $3.00 US Postal Service Parcel Post®
Ships to:	United States
Item location:	Upland, California, United States
History:	5 bids
Winning bidder:	meerums ( 28)
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Listing and payment details:  

Starting time:	Jun-13-06 12:47:10 PDT
Starting bid:	US $9.95

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Seller:	dougfromupland ( 40)
Feedback:	100% Positive
Member:	since Dec-02-02 in United States

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	Description	(revised)

ABSOLUTELY NO WARRANTY QUITCLAIM DEAD.....WHOOPS.....QUITCLAIM DEED TO AL-ZARQAWI HOUSE

SPECIAL NOTICE: a Quitclaim Deed conveys whatever interest a party has in a parcel of real estate, without warranty. I am willing to give a Quitclaim Deed for any interest I may have --- WHICH IS NO INTEREST --- in what is left of al-Zarqawi's "safe house." Gee, it wasn't so safe after all, huh, Z-Man? Hey, I'll even put the Quitclaim Deed in a little frame for you. It will be signed by FReeper Doug from Upland.

What you are bidding on is a little piece of paper memorabilia that commemorates this blessed event. Although insane Michael Berg, face-stretched Nancy Pelosi, screaming Howard Dean, Lifeguard Ted, police-beater Cynthia McKinney, hag Streisand, psychologically disturbed Alec Baldwin, the clueless Dixie Chicks (whose ticket announcement was recently booed at the Chris Daughtry homecoming concert in Greensboro), the ACLU, the NY TIMES, the WashPost, the major TV news networks, the rest of the drive-by media, and many of the other fifth columnists might be almost suicidal, it is a very good thing that this evil has left the earth. The terrorist, civilian mass murderer is now enjoying his promised reward. Unfortunately, all 72 of them look like Helen Thomas. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

DESCRIPTION OF PROPERTY IN WHICH I HOLD ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST:

Address: 225 East JDAM Blvd, Hibhib, Iraq

Estimated value: 1500 dinar (it would be worth $1,750,000,000,000 dinar in California)

Stories: was two, now zero

Sq Ft: was 2500, now zero

View: 360 degrees from any spot

Bedrooms: was four, now zero

Baths: was zero, still zero

Roof: pulverized fragments are two blocks away

Walls: non-existant

Ceilings: non-existant

Doors: non-existant

Windows: not double-pane; they are no-pane

Floor covering: are you kidding . . . there are no floors left

Basement: now a big hole

Heating/air conditioning: nope

Landscaping:  sand and pieces of concrete

Neighborhood description: is improving, thanks to U.S. military

Additional comments:  something very large recently fell on the home . . . open and airy . . . property is surrounded by lovely date palms . . . there still exists a noticeable smell of goat . . . lots of blood will need the Mr. Clean or Simple Green treatment . . . commuting distance to Baghdad . . . may become an Iraqi historical landmark . . . unconfirmed report that, during her visit a few years ago, Hillary actually flew over this house on Broomstick One

GODSPEED, U.S. MILITARY.  YOU ARE IN OUR PRAYERS EVERY DAY.

ATTENTION: Abu Ayyub al-Masri --- you're next, pal. By the time you see the flash, it is too late.  May you soon rest in pieces.

---

FREE Counters and Services from Andale

	Questions from other members

Question & Answer

Answered On

Q:

Would love to mastermind this deal for you, but I'm a bit of a vigilante and sometimes play blues, man! So you'd have to put up with my clowning around...more

Jun-20-06 

A:

No bad santa necessary. I might be interested in the music deal but I have had a bad experience in the past with someone who has had a year and a half...more

Q:

I'll trade you for a double-wide trailer with a recording studio in the dining room and as many shots of vodka as you like. I'll even hook you up with...more

Jun-20-06 

A:

I will seriously consider the offer.

Q:

I am concerned that the local government will declare this a historical site, and I would lose all rights to eminent domain (if I had any at all) and ...more

Jun-20-06 

A:

Of course I can make no warranties, especially if dipwad Justice Souter is involved in an eminent domain case. If they want to make it an historical site,...more

Q:

Are you the same person who sold the Spider Hole in Iraq? And is it true that the purchaser was one William Jefferson Clinton, for his own personal use...more

Jun-19-06 

A:

I'm not the guy. Did that really happen? The impeached and disgraced William Jefferson Clinton doesn't need a spider hole when Satan's daughter is not...more

Q:

Do you think there is enough amonium nitrate in the soil to support corn farming? I want to grow my own pig feed.

Jun-19-06 

A:

I suppose there is. To grow pig feed may do one of two things for you. You may become an outcast and lose your head or you may corner a new market. ...more

View all 15 questions | Ask seller a question

[doug from upland]

NOTE TO ALL: this already sold. It is not a solicitation. The winning bid money will be sent to FR.

[MrCruncher]

I think you have a future in real estate.

[doug from upland]

Ummmmmm, I am a commercial real estate broker. I specialize in creative real estate, consulting, and exchanging.

[RushCrush]

ROTFLMBO! I would have bid on it!

[Zuben Elgenubi]

LOL, great job, DFU. You're really cookin' lately.

[llevrok]

a little carpet, paint, some "sweat equity" and you have a home for the ages.....

[Kryptonite]

LOLOLOL!

[reagan_fanatic]

If the buyer finds anymore flash drives, do they have to return them to the previous owner?

[RayRobisonblog]

dude, this sh** is funny!

[b4its2late]

Excellent! LOL on all the property descriptions.

[No Blue States]

LMBO!

Good Job.

[rod1]

Darn why am I always too late on these EBAY gems. Any chance we can blow up the next Al-Qaida guy soon so I get another opportunity?

[martin_fierro]

Dumps like this are going for $800K+ in Kali.

< |:)~

[doug from upland]

I did not want to post the whole ad here and make a solicitation. Not that it is over, I hope you enjoy it.

[RushCrush]

I'll check it out. It's for a good cause, and my money is spit-shined in hog vomit :)

[Sisku Hanne]

That's HILARIOUS!!!! I love the reader's questions!

[MrCruncher]

If I need some help in the area of creative real estate, I will be sure to consult you.

[doug from upland]

If anyone wants one of these, I will consider sending them a QUITCLAIM deed if they match the winning bid with a donation to FreeRepublic. NOTE: I will consider it. I can't send out a couple hundred of these things. Contrary to popular belief, I actually do run a business. FReeping is not my job.

[doug from upland]

The questions? I hope you enjoyed the answers. :)

[Sisku Hanne]

I sure did, you "crunchy-con", you! ;-)

[wjcsux]

Much thanks to the remodeling contractor!

[Cheapskate]

A wonderful little fix-er-upper.

Bring in a dozer, push off the crap, and fix-er-up!

[doug from upland]

I just clicked. It appears that it is not too late to ask questions. Have fun.

[fanfan]

That's too funny Doug!

Thanks!



Ping!

[doug from upland]

I guess any flash drives go with the real estate. I only reserved a few items of personal property.

[Focault's Pendulum]

Creatively hysterical!!!!

[<1/1,000,000th%]

Stories: was two, now zero

LOLOL!!!!

Great post!!!

[BJClinton]

It would be funny if it wasn't true.

[patriciaruth]

Oh, boo! I missed this auction.

Hey, Doug, next time let me know and I'll bid, too.

Hubby and I had a lot of fun reading your description of the property.

[doug from upland]

Do I need to develop an eBay ping list?

[patton]

excellent

lolololol

[Billthedrill]

You know, with a little spackle and a coupla gallons of interior latex that place would make a right nice little headquarters for the UN. The buyer's nick wasn't "KhofiBigBuck$$$" was it?

[patriciaruth]

I want on your eBay ping list. Pretty please?

[doug from upland]

Okay, I guess I'll develop an eBay ping list. I am working on a listing for tomorrow that may be mildly amusing and mocking of an unfortunate leftist.

[patriciaruth]

Take your time and make it a goodie. :-)

[doug from upland]

Do you want one?

[freedumb2003]

I expanded your Q&A -- they are too good not to be preserved for posterity!!

dfu, you rock!

---

Q: Would love to mastermind this deal for you, but I'm a bit of a vigilante and sometimes play blues, man! So you'd have to put up with my clowning around cause I have no life! I even have a friend who could teach you how to do the shag! Some of my friends think I'm a diva, but really I'm just a PWN3D attention whore! If you want me to play bad santa for you and try to up the bidding, just let me know!!
Jun-20-06

A: No bad santa necessary. I might be interested in the music deal but I have had a bad experience in the past with someone who has had a year and a half and still not performed.


Q: I'll trade you for a double-wide trailer with a recording studio in the dining room and as many shots of vodka as you like. I'll even hook you up with a recording contract. If interested, you know where to find me!!
Jun-20-06

A: I will seriously consider the offer.


Q: I am concerned that the local government will declare this a historical site, and I would lose all rights to eminent domain (if I had any at all) and fixer-upper rights like erecting a 100 foot statue of George Bush stomping the hell out of this now spider hole. What rights do I have to improve the decor of the place ?
Jun-20-06

A: Of course I can make no warranties, especially if dipwad Justice Souter is involved in an eminent domain case. If they want to make it an historical site, as it should be, all may not be lost. Make sure you negotiate the concession rights. That could be very lucrative.


Q: Are you the same person who sold the Spider Hole in Iraq? And is it true that the purchaser was one William Jefferson Clinton, for his own personal use when his bride is not pleased with his behavior??
Jun-19-06

A: I'm not the guy. Did that really happen? The impeached and disgraced William Jefferson Clinton doesn't need a spider hole when Satan's daughter is not pleased with him. He has many places to hide and many young women to whom he can minister, if you know what I mean. Satan's daughter doesn't really care about his behavior unless it affects her poll numbers. And as he commented to Gennifer Flowers, she gets more than him.


Q: Do you think there is enough amonium nitrate in the soil to support corn farming? I want to grow my own pig feed.
Jun-19-06

A: I suppose there is. To grow pig feed may do one of two things for you. You may become an outcast and lose your head or you may corner a new market. I can just hear them. Allah akhbar, but give me that sound of sizzling bacon during morning prayers.


Q: Has the property had an inspection by licensed local pest control? I'm not a fan of snakes, scorpions or spiders.
Jun-19-06

A: I guess you could call the guys in the F-16Cs the pest control guys. They got all the snakes, scorpions, and spiders as well as the cockroaches wearing the bedsheets on their bodies and towels on their heads.


Q: I heard Murtha's number was on speed dial - any chance the phone is available?
Jun-19-06

A: I heard the same thing. Although one scumbag's phone was destroyed, the other scumbag's is still available. We should check Murtha's.


Q: What I want to know is whether when he tried to get up and escape off the guerney, if the ones guarding him went ahead and offed him. I would hope so!
Jun-19-06

A: I think that he just died on the gurney. Like Tookie Williams, it was is final journey on the gurney. What was really sweet revenge is that he did not die instantly. The murdering swine was surrounded by the good guys when he died. We got him. He didn't even get to detonate a suicide belt. Our weapons kick butt, don't they?


Q: How much are the homeowner dues? You neglect to mention that!
Jun-19-06

A: I apologize for neglecting that. At one time, there was a small homeowner's association that included about 10 owners. The association took care of property taxes, fence maintenance, insurance, roofs, and water bills. Unfortunately, al-Zarqawi caught the association president, Abdul Marwan, overcharging for water bills. The Z-man was willing to overlook that, but when he caught Marwan with one of his girl friends, that was all she wrote. Always the prankster, al-Zarqawi separated him from his head, which was tastefully displayed the next morning at the top of one of the date palms as if it were a coconut. The village was laughing about that for weeks. By the way, when they saw the head, the entire board of directors of the association resigned. So, no more association about which to worry. I understand that some people in the United States have heard about this incident and are thinking they might have a solution for the power-mad jerks who run their homeowner associations.


Q: This looks like great vacation property, lots of sun and sand. Could you tell me anything about the nightlife?
Jun-19-06

A: I had to send an email inquiry to a Marine to get your answer. He was online in Baghdad and replied very quickly. It seems that, for night time entertainment, the men in the village of Hibhib mount camels. No, no, it's not what you think. Well, at least most of the time. The men mount camels on weekends and make the trek 35 miles away to Baghdad. There they cruise down Cheney Avenue (formerly known as Uday Avenue) looking for young women showing a little skin above the ankles. It is also very desirable to them if the women have shaved their facial hair. If they find a hot one, they take her to the hotel on Rice Blvd (formerly Qusay Blvd) to enjoy drinks, watch re-runs of American Idol, and get to know her a little better. The women in the village of Hibhib stay home to care for the goats, play scrabble, and watch al-Jazeera TV on the community television. They get particularly excited and give that loud shrieking lalalalalalalalalala sound we so love when they see Ted Kennedy or Nancy Pelosi. When they see Ted, they make splashing and drowing gestures. For Nancy, they laugh and stretch their skin. I am told that it is really hilarious to watch the women having so much fun.


Q: What kind of palm trees are those and are the root balls still intact? The United States military ought to be commended for the seemingly minimal damage inflicted upon the property's native plant life.
Jun-18-06

A: Those are date palms, and your eye is pretty good. The root balls do indeed appear to be intact. I have heard rumors but the Pentagon spokesman would not discuss it with it. We may have a special JDAM that protects the environment while still pulverizing the Islamofascist scumbags. Some people suspect that the weapon was designed at Lawrence Livermore labs. We can expect Algore to soon take credit for inventing it, Kerry to being for it before he was against it, Pelosi recommending that the weapon's skin be stretched, Ted Kennedy wanting to test it underwater, and Michael Moore wanting to eat it.


Q: I heard he had a wooden leg. Was it found in the rubble? I may be able to clean it up and make a few bucks off of it.
Jun-18-06

A: I did not know about the wooden leg. If that is the case, it's mine. I would have one of those Mohammed cartoons carved into it and then make a lamp out of it like Darren McGavin did in THE CHRISTMAS STORY.


Q: Are caches on the property included in this price or will that be a separate deal?
Jun-18-06

A: I will reserve nothing except any signed photos or greeting cards from Democrats wishing al-Zarqawi well. I hope those weren't all destroyed because they could really help in November. Certainly, there would have been corespondence from Kerry, Kennedy (the killer who drives into the water, not the one who drives into concrete), Murtha, the little weasel Kucinich, Turbin Durbin, Pelosi, and all of the Black Caucus.


Q: I was thinking this might be a good site for a public restroom. Or...I know! A BBQ joint! I've got a great recepie for pork BBQ. What do you think?
Jun-18-06

A: Although I am a vegetarian (yes, a bearded, Birkenstock-wearing, Democrat-mocking vegetarian), I don't try to force what works for me onto others. If popular demand is for a BBQ, I think that is fine.


Q: Are burkas found there included in the price?
Jun-17-06

A: Well, I was going to have a yard sale for the burqas and the women's underwear they found, but what the heck, I can add any interest I may or may not have in any personal property there. Although CNN and al-Jazeera (which are very much the same network these days) did not report it, I am pretty sure they found Farmer John bacon and honey-glazed ham in what was left of the refrigerator.

[bilhosty]

I wish I would of known it was up for sale. I would now have a genuine tourist attraction.

[BossLady]

LMFAO! I needed a good laugh today!

Put me on your eBay Ping List if you decide to start one! ;)

[doug from upland]

Will do. I'm working on one for tomorrow. One a week sounds good.

[BossLady]

Ok Chief.....looking forward to it!!!

[HiTech RedNeck]

um, doesn't ebay tend to zot "gag" sellers like this?

[KoRn]

LOL! You should also get into selling bridges and ocean front property!

[doug from upland]

This is not a gag. I am executing a QUITCLAIM DEED for any interest I have in the property. That is all I purported to sell -- a piece of paper.

[pointsal]

Doug... did you get a good commission on this listing?
Are all of the seller's warranties in order?
Thanks
p.s. There appears to be some maintenance issues that need to be addressed in the appraisal. Please get a contractor's estimate to support the documentation...

[doug from upland]

Read the listing. There are no warranties and the problems were disclosed.

[Orange1998]

I did not see a Sellers Disclosure Notice in the auction. ROFLMAO!!!!

[Recovering_Democrat]

add me to the ping list, please dfu. :)

[doug from upland]

This is Iraq. They don't quite have forms like those required in California. I hope the photo and description met the requirements. I wouldn't want someone to try to defile me with a goat or camel for going against their customs and business practices.

[pointsal]

Doug... the mortgage broker wants to be sure that he gets his commission....