Does anyone have any wisdom on how to cope with the hell that is my life now?
Does anyone have any wisdom on how to cope with the hell that is my life now?
Never having lost a child I am not qualified to advise you but I am qualified to pray for you and your family and that's what I'll do.
My brother died in January. I believe God's promises in Christ, enumerated in the Scriptures. I have hope in eternal life and that our family will once again be reunited - forever.
All I can say is, watching them cope with life, find new hope and go on, has been one of the most profound experiences of my life. I admire them deeply for everything they have faced and survived. The experience has taught me more about what is truly important and inherently good about this world than I could ever imagine.
I will pray for you. And for courage.
I have no wisdom. My heart aches for you. I would think that the loss of a child leaves a place in a parent that can't be filled. I am so sorry for your terrible loss.
My brother died in February, but that is a whole 'nuther thing from losing a child. I can only pray that God will do for you what needs to be done day by day.
My best friend died suddenly two years ago. She was 36. I know her parents have found support and care through their church. If you don't have a church (well, even if you do) then try to find a support group of others who have lost children. This isn't the same thing as grief counseling. It is a group that can understand your need to talk about your child and your hurt. You have to be able to talk about the loss with people who will just listen. Time is the only thing that will help and I doubt the total sadness will ever go away. My best friend was closer to me than my own family. Even today I find myself wanting to call her up and discuss something going on in my life. But the pain in my chest, that I got when I received the news of her death and seemed to last forever, is gone.
Check out the link I just posted in #46.
May God be with you as you work through your grief.
FRmail me if you have any additional questions.
Peace,
Salvation (Click on my name to read part of my grief story.)
Hi - May God hold you in the palm of His hand and give you strength. My only child is now 28 and I cannot even begin to imagine what pain you feel. Everyone dies and nothing could be worse than to lose a child at a tender age. Your child had a purpose in this world, even if was for a short time. You may have to ponder a bit on this or maybe you know already. Suppose you knew you could have the most awesome experience - the love of your life, the joy of your soul, but that it would only last for two days and this person would not be able to be with you more than that, let alone into old age. You would grab for that. I believe we all would. No matter how fleeting, I believe we would want that wonderful joy, though short as it may be. You had that with your child. Be thankful for the indescribable blessing of knowing your precious child and loving her or him. It hurts because you still want to hold your baby and love her/him, but it is no longer so. Maybe it would help you to do something in his/her memory(if you have not done so already).Plant a beautiful tree, a gift for future generations, in honor of your child's life, or do something else to reinforce the fact that while your child is dead, your love is still alive. Death does not quench our love. I pray you God's peace and hope nothing I posted here comes out the wrong way but only as a comfort to you who are in need of it right now. I wish I could hug you or hold your hand, but hope you have someone near you who can do that for you.
While I haven't lost a child that I've seen, I've had many miscarriages. Contrary to the comments on this thread, grief counseling helped me.
If you need to talk, it's important to find people who will let you. Many of the people (mostly family) that I assumed would "be there" for me were not, and some folks that I wouldn't have counted on really came through. That's a whole other thing to deal with, and I still haven't gotten over it.
Again, my heart goes out to you, and I'm very sorry for your loss.
My only son attempted suicide in Nov 2004. We are still coping with the aftermath of that.
While my experience is very diferent from yours, I have had a glimpse of what you must be going through. My heart goes out to you.
Most of the counselors that we have worked with have been less than effective. It has been a real struggle to find someone who actually helps. I do believe that our whole family needs short term counseling.
This was a serious suicide attempt. He walked a quarter of a mile from his house and shot himself with a twelve gauge shotgun, under his chin. He realized he made a mistake and walked back to his house to get help from his roomate. We are very lucky he is here today.
He is missing two inches of his jaw bone and 16 teeth. He has already had 3 surgeries and he will have a bone graft in about 4 weeks.
Awareness of mental health issues has taken on a new meaning for me after this experience. I did not realize that suicide was the 3rd leading cause of death for people in the 15-24 age group.
I don't know if I have any wisdom to share with you, but I believe everyone copes in diferent ways. Some people need to work through pain and some people need to talk about it. I also believe some sort of outlet is important, find something that is therapeautic for you. I like gardening. "You can bury a lot of troubles digging in the dirt!"
Like many others, I'm sure, you have my deepest sympathy. I don't know if you believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, but I pray you do. I think you should be able to find strength and support for some church groups depending upon where you live. You and your family shall be in my prayers for God's healing love and strength to be with you.
Does anyone have any wisdom on how to cope with the hell that is my life now?
Haven't lost a child, but lost my wife 6 months ago. All I can tell you is to put your faith in God, and keep yourself busy. Don't allow time to sit around and feel sorry for yourself.
The pain will ease with time, although there won't be a day go by that you don't think of your loss. And that's as it should be. But try to dwell on and celebrate the good memories. Try to remember the happy things, the silly things you could laugh about. And don't be afraid to laugh out loud when recalling them.
Hope this helps a little,
Doug
Saw your post, and I'm sorry.
If your child was a victim of violent crime, there are organizations that provide some support. There are other parent groups, such as "Compassionate Friends." They don't provide counselling, but they do have other parents in your situation--they've lost children (of all ages) as well.
Aside from that, Ma'am, my understanding is that religious counselling has the best results--but the pain will never go away. My heart aches for you. I hope you find some rest and comfort.
I'm so sorry to hear that. I lost my son back in Nov, and it IS hell. For one, don't listen to anyone here. I found a support group, and despite what everyone here believes, it has REALLY helped me.
I cannot believe that some here comparing losing a human being comparable to losing a dog or stubbing a toe.
Lizavetta,
My beautiful baby girl collapsed from cardiac arrest (no warning signs of any sort) while training with her college track team in January. She died after two days on life support and never regaining consciousness. I know the absolute misery you are going through. It's true that there's nothing like losing a child. In addition, it appears our 12-year-old son might have the same heart problem that we suspect killed his sister.
It sounds like a cliche, but I think that time is the only true healer. I've read that it's usually at least two years before your child isn't the center of your thoughts every day, and four years before most people are ready to "sort of" move on with their lives. I say "sort of" because I know that I will never again be the same.
Please e-mail me privately if you want to talk. I personally find talking helps me, whether it's with a counselor or somebody else.
So perhaps you aren't up to reading much of anything right now. However, I do know that when I've suffered a grievous loss, I've eventually felt consoled by reading something by C. S. Lewis. Almost anything by C. S. Lewis!
"A Grief Observed," and its follow-up, "Letters to Malcolm" were most helpful. (Lewis also wrote "The Problem of Pain," which I have not read but have heard is excellent, though a bit of a tough slog for being more abstract and less personal.) Re-reading "Surprised by Joy" always cheers me too.
Anyway, that's just my humble suggestion. My prayers go out to you.